Update On The Blog

I'm writing this so readers won't worry about me:

I'm taking a little break from blogging. I'm fine. I'm still losing weight slowly, but it's coming off and I survived the holidays. Meantime, my last doctor's visit went very well and I am slowly going off the insulin. I'm now down to 7 units when I started at 25. Getting off the insulin is good news for many reasons, but it will also help me lose some more pounds because insulin makes you gain weight. The fact that I've managed to lose while taking it is a big deal.

Anyway, while I'm doing well-- at least physically -- the rest of my family is not. My husband's grandmother is on her death bed at the moment and we're all just waiting for her to pass. She has a growth on her lung that's pushing against her heart and other lung, and is making it difficult for her to breathe. She's lived a good life: she's 92 and until a few days ago, was relatively happy and capable, and had all f her faculties. She'd recently moved up to NY from Florida, so she's been surrounded by her family, all who live here. Still, it sucks that this is happening. Everyone is being kind of zen about it, but she's been my grandmother for the last 12 years that I've been married. We grew to be close and I hate the idea of losing her.

On top of that, my mom, who is not even close to being 92, has to go for a biopsy tomorrow to see if she has lung cancer. They found a very small spot on her lungs and want to make sure it's not malignant. It could just be a scar -- after all, she's smoked for 40-plus years -- but of course, we're all nervous. Even the biopsy is risky because her lung could collapse in the process. It's kind of weird that both situations have to do with lung health.

Friday was my birthday and I had a difficult time celebrating. I was depressed for most of the day and kind of felt as if I'd never be able to be happy again. I had a party last night, which I almost canceled, but am glad I didn't. My mom was there, as well as Jon's uncle (his grandmother's son) and they were both having a good time. I figured that if they could, I could to, and so I took my cue from them and enjoyed myself. We sang songs, I played my flute and my friend gave me a cool gift: a ukelele. So we all got to act silly for a few hours, which I really needed. I'm feeling a lot more positive today, though I'm, of course, still worried. And I thought my main source of stress would be worrying about my upcoming trip to Africa! Now I'm kind of anxious to hop on a plane and bail...

This is why I haven't been posting. I've been trying to process everything and keep myself from having a breakdown. I also needed some personal time that isn't on the page. I'll probably write again in the future, so thank you for your patience -- and for keeping me company throughout my journey.

How (Un)Sweet It Is

Well, folks, this is my 100th post! Woo hoo! Funny how long it takes to lose 100 pounds, but 100 posts can be churned out pretty quickly.

As a writer, I am proud of myself for keeping up with this blog and being disciplined enough to write in it 100 times. As a weight loss warrior, I'm proud of myself for putting my feelings on paper (on computer, anyway) and using this blog as a tool to help kick my bad eating habits. Though I don't have many readers, I really do feel as if my writing has helped me with my weight loss and I thank those of who do read me for following my journey so far.

I figured that in honor of this milestone post, I'd write about one of the biggest changes I've noticed with my weight loss, to date: I no longer crave sugar like I used to. Don't get me wrong, I still LIKE sugar. I still love sweets and chocolate ... but I don't feel as if I HAVE to have dessert or as if my day won't be complete without some kind of sweet. For someone who's always described myself as having a major sweet tooth, this is a really big deal.

Even with my past (brief) successes with losing weight, sweets were involved. I'd stock up on those Weight Watchers desserts like low-fat ice creams and diet brownies, and every night after dinner, I'd eat a couple. I'd stay within my POINTS range, but at least a few POINTS would be made up of dessert-type products each day. Now, however, I'm only having desserts or treats once or twice a week. Last Sunday, I had a low-fat fudge bar at my friend's house after dinner and then on Tuesday, at another friend's place, I had a small piece of homemade Hungarian cake and a spoonful of chestnut puree that she'd brought home from Europe. Other than that, though, I've had nothing sugary, unless you count fruit and the two cups of diet soda I drank. I've even tried to limit my intake of sweet, low-calorie water-like beverages like Crystal Light because I'm finding them too sweet, as well. Instead, I'm just having water.

It's interesting to me how my taste buds have changed. Before, I lived on salty, processed foods and overly sweet desserts that were filled with artifical sugars. But now I'm finding that I prefer my foods to be cleaner and simpler. I don't want meat drenched in cheese or sauce or for my vegetables to be fried beyond recognition. Again, I still like that stuff, but I'm prefering dishes where I can easily taste the flavors of what I'm eating. A touch of garlic sauce goes a long way when eating chicken breast; for me, it's just not as good when it's sauteed, fried and then drowning in butter and wine sauce.

Tonight my husband is making me his homemade vegetable soup with cauliflower, zucchini, turnips, parsnips, mushrooms and kale. I'm getting so hungry for it, the same way I used to get so hungry for pizza or Chinese food. I'll definitely eat that stuff again, but I like that vegetables and plain meats are now taking center stage. In only 100 posts, things have certainly changed.