Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Two-Month Mark

Today marks my two-month "anniversary" of my broken leg. Um, yay? This has definitely been one of the more surreal periods in my life, where I've been forced to sit back and actually slow down for a change.

Now that I think about it, this is the longest that I've been away from work since around December, 1996. That's when I had my last big college winter break. I then worked full-time the next summer, went to grad school and then began working at my current job almost immediately after I graduated. Since then, I've had many vacation, but the longest ones have been only two-weeks long. Going for 14 years without a substantial break is a looong time, though I imagine this is how it is for most of us.

That's not to say that I've been unproductive during this time off. Quite the opposite, in fact, only because I've been forcing myself to do more than just lie around all day. I've definitely gotten a lot of writing done, especially on this weight-loss blog! I've enjoyed being able to concentrate on my own writing goals without having to deal with the stress of work. I really like being able to write what I want.

But since my job will soon be in the picture again, I have to start thinking about how my weight loss plan will work into it. Obviously, I can't blame my job for making me fat, but I do think that MY habits at the job have contributed to my obesity. Having had a position where I've been sitting and stressed all day has prompted me to have some terrible eating habits over the years and I need to change that. Yes, I've always suffered from weight problems (eating disorders and otherwise), but I don't think that it's a coincidence that I became legitimately fat once I began working. It's easy to ask, "Why'd you do that?" or "Why didn't you just eat healthy foods?" but if I had a definite answer, I wouldn't be where I am today.

I feel a little embarrassed as I recall all of the food mistakes I've made over the years at work. It all started when I began as an intern in 1997 and had to do a lot of boring and thankless tasks like transcribing hours of tapes. I started bringing little bags of candy with me in order to make things less dull and those little bags turned to big bags. Then I started going across the street to the salad bar, but would never actually get salad and would get mac and cheese instead. Then I'd start sneaking extra pieces of the cakes that people would bring in for office birthdays. When I had a stressful day, I'd stop by the bakery on the way home and get a large cookie. And so on and so on.

I sometimes wish I could go back in time and stop my 20something self from doing all of these things. Hell, I sometimes wish that I could bitchslap my self from last week. But when I truly take stock of how I've eaten for the past 13 years, I realize the scope of the damage that I've done to my body. It's frightening.

As of now, I intend to return to my job when I'm able because it's the clearest thing in my future. But I'm still considering becoming a fulltime freelancer. I've been working overtime on my online writing projects and am actually seeing some results pay off -- literally! And while I do have some doubts about working from home (like being lonely), I do think it will be a different experience when I can walk again. I see myself writing for a few hours in the morning, then taking a long walk outside, then writing some more in the evening. It would be a lot of work, but I've met so many people who make a living on the Internet. And I've done pretty well for someone who mainly does online writing as a hobby.

I'm going to keep on writing then as I count down the days until Old Castie comes off (two if you're keeping track). I then have the not-so-fun task of standing on the scale so I can see what I weight. Trust me, I am NOT looking forward to this, but who knows? Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised this time around.

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