Goals For April And Beyond

I really hate it when my body doesn't cooperate. I've had a sore throat all week; today, I was feeling better, but then I threw out my back. So there went my plan to go to the gym after work.

Still, all is not lost. I'm going to do the BowFlex tonight and work on some back strengthening exercises. I need to do more strength training, anyway, so it works out.

As of now, I have 45 days until Greece so I need to come up with definite goals for April. I keep thinking that the month is almost over because we're into the May issue at work, but April's just started! That gives me plenty of time to enjoy it.

I want to continue going to gym -- more often than I have this week, obviously -- and also use the BowFlex in the mornings. I've been sleeping a bit better, so if I can get my butt out of bed by 7:30, I can get in a nice 20-minute routine. If I do this every day and then go to the gym three times a week, that's a decent amount of exercise.

I've also been thinking about longer term goals, things I'd love to do if I were in better shape. I'm always looking for new projects, like the jewelry making, and being fit opens a lot of doors. Some of my future goals include:

Learning to ballroom dance
Hiking Bear Mtn, which is near my in-laws
Scuba diving
Riding a bike down the Maui volcano in Hawaii

None of these goals are too extreme. I'm not planning to become a decathlete or even a triathlete. These are just some fun activities that I'd love to try.

On days like this when it's rainy and I ache, it's easy for me to fall into a rut and say, "I can never do this." Having goals gives me stuff to look forward to.

What are some of your fitness goals?

Get Up, Stand Up

Good news! My orthopedist says that my fracture looks to be healing much better than it was a few weeks ago and I can now walk again! Yay!

He suggested that I be "aggressive" because I don't quite have enough mobility in my heel and the back of my ankle/heel. The area is extremely stiff and I still can't quite flex my foot as far as it's supposed to go. That said, he gave me the go-ahead to add weights and time on the recumbant bike at my PT session on Saturday. Hopefully, they'll be able to help me get back full mobility in my heel so that I can walk normally again.

Meanwhile, I took a trial run at walking this afternoon. I use the term "walking" very loosely because it was more like shuffling while I gripped the rail of our building's staircase. I knew that my leg would feel weird -- I'd been warned by everyone I know who's broken a bone -- but I can't believe how WEAK it was. It felt as if I were standing on jelly and I had no balance. Jon had this idea that I'd be able to at least walk from one room to another, but I could barely lift my leg to even shuffle. I was very proud of the 20 steps or so that I did, just going back and forth and I gripped the rail.

I'm not too worried because I know that people generally improve pretty quickly in these cases. My mom says that when she first got the cast off of her arm, she couldn't do anything with that hand. But after a few weeks in PT, she was back to normal. As for me, I was barely able to rotate my ankle last week, but now I can easily do that. Now that I can work my leg again, I'll be able to regain my strength and balance. We're also going to get a recumbant bike for the home so I can also workout here.

While I was standing I tried to determine if I feel any lighter than a few weeks ago, but it was difficult to tell. I was really concentrating on not falling over! It's amazing how quickly you can build up muscle when you begin a workout. After a few sessions, things generally become easier, whether it be weight lifting, aerobics or running. On the other hand, our muscles also atrophy just as easily, it seems. I'm looking forward to having two legs to stand on again.

Small Changes

At this point, I'm still in a wheelchair and am still not sure if I'll be able to put weight on my leg on Thursday at my doctor's appointment. However, I've been doing my physical therapy and have noticed some small changes in regards to my weight.

For one thing, my husband says that I now appear to be more narrow from the back. He also says that I don't feel as heavy when he pushes me up the ramp from our building. Of course, it could just be that he's gotten stronger after pushing my wheelchair around for almost three months, but I'll take his word for it.

I am definitely not snoring as much, though. Before I would snore loudly enough that I would wake myself up, but Jon says that he hasn't really heard me snoring lately. I also haven't had a sleep apnea episode in a while. This weekend, we had a party and a friend slept over. I was so exhausted that while she was talking to me, I fell asleep in the bed, on my back, with my head rolled back. I usually wouldn't sleep this way because it's when I'm on my back that I have breathing episodes. But I didn't have one during my two-hour nap and my friend also reported that I wasn't snoring -- even in that awkward position.

Of course, with the party, I didn't eat as well as I should've. I had three drinks (for a light drinker like me, this is practically a binge) and had some leftover ziti and cake today. But I didn't go crazy, either. Our guests were like vultures so the food disappeared quickly -- and I was glad that we didn't have tons of stuff to get rid of (and for me to snack on). Tomorrow is another day and I will get back to my usual meals.

At the party, though, I really wasn't thinking of food at all. It was about being with my friends and laughing, and being grateful that I know such awesome people. I guess this is what life is about. Food is just one part of it.

Foot Notes

Since I have good news, I figured I'd give my post a nice punny title -- foot notes, geddit? Ha ha.

Anyway, my foot is well, actually starting to look normal -- less like a chicken fetus and more like a regular body part. It's still swollen and a bit bruised, but it's no longer shriveled and the skin is returning to its normal hue. When I look at it, I no longer cringe in horror at its disgusting appearance.

Even better, it's getting easier to move it. The physical therapist gave me some very simple exercises to do each day: basically, I spend a few minutes moving the foot back and forth and then side to side. I've been able to move it back and forth for a while, but it hurts less when I do that. And I can finally move it side to side! The therapist had warned that I might not ever be able to fully move it in that direction, but I can move it side to side and rotate it at the ankle, which I think is better than he'd expected me to be able to do. It's very stiff and I have to concentrate hard when I do it, but it's possible. I was even able to keep it in time with my other foot when I was moving both side to side simultaneously in a rhythm.

I'm hoping and praying that this means that the fracture is finally healing and I'll be up on my feet again. I'm still nervous about what that's going to feel like, but let me tell you, I'm way more confident about standing for the first time on a normal-looking foot than that withered THING I saw at the orthopedist's office last week. I feel that while I may be sore that this foot will at least be able to support me.

I'm wondering how long it'll be, though, before I can walk without worrying that I'll break my bone again. We went out to dinner tonight at a restaurant that's across the street from where I fell and I cringed as I saw the spot. I'm guessing that I'll feel dread whenever I pass it for a long time to come. But will I be able to do the things I enjoy, like hiking or dancing, in the near future? I hope so.

I was telling a friend recently that I hope that I'll be able to run again. He wondered why when I never really ran in the first place. But it's the idea that I CAN if I want to. I don't want my possibilities taken away. And who knows, maybe if I get into good enough shape, I'll like running. I ran for a short period during the summer between 8th and 9th grade and I really enjoyed it. I'd get up early -- around 5 a.m. when it was still cool out -- and jog about two miles around my neighborhood. I loved how quiet and still it was at that hour and how I'd always be awake when the sun first came up. Unfortunately, I stopped when school started and I was overwhelmed with homework and other activities. But I've never forgotten how peaceful it felt to do those runs. Maybe I want that back. I don't miss much about my teen years, but I do miss that feeling of being slender and light enough on my feet that I could run for an extended period of time. I was never athletic and disliked gym, but I enjoyed running when there weren't gym teachers screaming at me to go faster.

For now, though, I'll take a reasonably decent-looking foot. I've been fighting for it these past few months and it's nice to see that it finally seems to be fighting back.

Seeing A Difference?

This weekend, I went out to dinner with a bunch of people and my best guy friend noted that he could see that I've lost weight. He's absolutely not the type to coddle me and give me a compliment simply as a means of making me feel good, so I know that he was sincere when he said this.

I'm not sure that I can see a difference myself, especially since these days I'm unable to stand in front of a full-length mirror. But I have to say that I do feel pretty good, broken leg aside. I don't know if it's because I've been away from my job, but I feel less stressed out and more energized. I also haven't had a sleep apnea episode in a long time. I even fell asleep on my back a couple of days ago and was okay, whereas a few months ago, I would've had breathing problems.

Of course, I'm still obese and have a long way to go before I'm remotely in the range of "normal." It's frustrating to not be able to do things, though I begin physical therapy this week, so that will be a start. Still, getting told that my weight loss is noticeable is very encouraging and means that I'm at least doing something right. So for now, I guess, I will continue following my "broken leg plan" of lifting weights, eating well and eating in moderation. Meantime, I now have an extra three weeks to lose some more pounds before I start walking, so maybe having to be off of my feet still is, in a way, a blessing in disguise.

Two-Month Mark

Today marks my two-month "anniversary" of my broken leg. Um, yay? This has definitely been one of the more surreal periods in my life, where I've been forced to sit back and actually slow down for a change.

Now that I think about it, this is the longest that I've been away from work since around December, 1996. That's when I had my last big college winter break. I then worked full-time the next summer, went to grad school and then began working at my current job almost immediately after I graduated. Since then, I've had many vacation, but the longest ones have been only two-weeks long. Going for 14 years without a substantial break is a looong time, though I imagine this is how it is for most of us.

That's not to say that I've been unproductive during this time off. Quite the opposite, in fact, only because I've been forcing myself to do more than just lie around all day. I've definitely gotten a lot of writing done, especially on this weight-loss blog! I've enjoyed being able to concentrate on my own writing goals without having to deal with the stress of work. I really like being able to write what I want.

But since my job will soon be in the picture again, I have to start thinking about how my weight loss plan will work into it. Obviously, I can't blame my job for making me fat, but I do think that MY habits at the job have contributed to my obesity. Having had a position where I've been sitting and stressed all day has prompted me to have some terrible eating habits over the years and I need to change that. Yes, I've always suffered from weight problems (eating disorders and otherwise), but I don't think that it's a coincidence that I became legitimately fat once I began working. It's easy to ask, "Why'd you do that?" or "Why didn't you just eat healthy foods?" but if I had a definite answer, I wouldn't be where I am today.

I feel a little embarrassed as I recall all of the food mistakes I've made over the years at work. It all started when I began as an intern in 1997 and had to do a lot of boring and thankless tasks like transcribing hours of tapes. I started bringing little bags of candy with me in order to make things less dull and those little bags turned to big bags. Then I started going across the street to the salad bar, but would never actually get salad and would get mac and cheese instead. Then I'd start sneaking extra pieces of the cakes that people would bring in for office birthdays. When I had a stressful day, I'd stop by the bakery on the way home and get a large cookie. And so on and so on.

I sometimes wish I could go back in time and stop my 20something self from doing all of these things. Hell, I sometimes wish that I could bitchslap my self from last week. But when I truly take stock of how I've eaten for the past 13 years, I realize the scope of the damage that I've done to my body. It's frightening.

As of now, I intend to return to my job when I'm able because it's the clearest thing in my future. But I'm still considering becoming a fulltime freelancer. I've been working overtime on my online writing projects and am actually seeing some results pay off -- literally! And while I do have some doubts about working from home (like being lonely), I do think it will be a different experience when I can walk again. I see myself writing for a few hours in the morning, then taking a long walk outside, then writing some more in the evening. It would be a lot of work, but I've met so many people who make a living on the Internet. And I've done pretty well for someone who mainly does online writing as a hobby.

I'm going to keep on writing then as I count down the days until Old Castie comes off (two if you're keeping track). I then have the not-so-fun task of standing on the scale so I can see what I weight. Trust me, I am NOT looking forward to this, but who knows? Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised this time around.

Countdown Continues

OK, three more days to go until the cast comes off. As of now, the leg feels pretty good. I can rotate the ankle and it feels almost ... normal. I can't even imagine what it'll feel like to walk on it again, though.

Meantime, I'm still trying to work out and move around as best I can. I started weight training with the 8-pound weights instead of the 5-pound ones and it's been going well so far. I can't do as many reps for each move, but that's to be expected. But pretty soon, I'll be able to go back to the Bowflex without having to worry about slipping off the bench or tripping over the cables. Then I'll be able to do full-body workouts. I have no idea what physical therapy will be like, but I'm guessing that they'll have me do some moves that involve light weight training on my leg. The Bowflex has a few of these moves that I can do, so I'll be able to build some strength into it at home.

I'd like to get back into walking outside again because I now have a specific event I'd like to train for (the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society's 10K, next May) and a couple of friends to do this with. Right now, I can't realistically imagine being able to walk far, though, so I've been thinking of getting a cheap recumbant bike. They have some that are less than $150 and have gotten good reviews. I always liked the recumbant bike at the gym and it would be a great way to help build up my leg, too.

This has been a little weird keeping a weight loss blog when I have no idea how much I've lost (or gained). I have a feeling that I've stayed about the same, which I can accept. I think that when I go back to work and have to squeeze in physical therapy, as well, that I won't even have TIME to eat, so I'll see a loss then!

Observations

Now that my broken leg journey is (presumably) coming to an end on June 3 when I get my cast off, my therapist suggested that I write down all of the things that I've experienced that people in a wheelchair have to go through. This way, I won't forget them when I'm walking again. I think that this is a great idea because I feel like I have learned a lot and have suddenly had to become aware of things I've never imagined. That said, here is my list:

1. Crutches are a bitch to use. They are dangerous and not easy to navigate AT ALL. My hat goes off to those of you who can master using crutches and even get up and down stairs. I could barely walk two steps without slipping and putting my bad leg down, hence me using the wheelchair. I guess, once a klutz, always a klutz...

2. Restaurants and other public establishments have a very loose idea of what is considered "wheelchair accessible." Some have a makeshift ramp to put over stairs. Some have last-minute ramps built in that are too narrow for a wheelchair, but count as being "wheelchair accessible" so that they're within the confines of the law. Some have a low step that you can technically get over in a wheelchair if you're picked up and pulled over, but it's a pain. This past weekend, I missed out on attending my friends' party because the only "wheelchair accessible" area available was the outside seating in the front (and yes, this apparently counts). Since they sat everyone in the back patio (that had stairs leading to it), they could not accomodate me. I've been fortunate in that I've gotten to go out and do a lot during these two months of healing, but I've learned that there are many cases where a paraylized person or someone with ALS or MS or any other condition that puts you in a wheelchair could be left out.

3. Sidewalks SUCK. Seriously. Or at least the ones in New York City do. They're crooked, busted, bumpy and often tilt on an angle. When Jon has pushed me down the sidewalk in the chair, it's a two-person effort with me pointing out all of the bumps and cracks and him trying to avoid them. It's reached a point where I've memorized the sidewalks so we know exactly how to go and where the rough spots are. I'd never really paid much attention to them before, but they've taken on a new character for me.

4. Doors suck, too. Every time I go through a door, it's a new obstacle: is the door too narrow, is there a door molding to go over, a ramp leading to the door, etc? Again, I've never noticed so much about entrances before -- for example, there is about a six-inch rise leading into our apartment's bathroom -- but now I find myself staring at random doorways and plotting how I'd get inside certain buildings.

5. Using a wheelchair takes a lot of upper body strength. Rolling those wheels is not so easy. You really get a workout doing it. And even if you're being pushed, you can't really just sit back, especially if you weigh as much as I do. I've learned to grab onto pipes, railings, anything available to help propel myself along, especially up hills.

6. Getting out of a wheelchair is an art. I don't know how people who can't use their legs at all manage, but somehow many do. But for me, it's become a little like rock climbing, where you have to look ahead and plot out every move, "I'll grab onto this rail and then move my foot this way and then slide in." I've gotten pretty good at it, though. I can now get in and out of cars as easily as I do even without the broken leg. And I even figured out how to navigate our non-wheelchair accessible bathroom.

7. Rolling office chairs with wheels make decent wheelchair substitutes! Okay, for anyone reading this, go out and get yourself a rolling office chair. They cost maybe $50 and it's the type of thing you'll use all of the time. Plus, you just never know if you might injure yourself and if you do, they are SO handy. Because the wheelchair didn't fit through some of the doors in our 1930s apartment, I had to use the office chair. I even used it on my first night home from the hospital when the stupid hospital wouldn't let me borrow a wheelchair and sent me home with crutches (even though the doctor didn't think I should use the crutches. Idiot.) After falling and hurting myself, I had Jon take me upstairs in the office chair ... and it took a long time, but it worked. That office chair was my saving grace. I'm not kidding when I say that I wish I could buy our two office chairs some beers to thank them!

8. People tend to be nice to someone in a wheelchair. I don't know if it's pity or just that most people want to help, but I encountered so many people who held doors for me or stoppped me on the street to say that they hoped I felt better soon. Of course, others were oblivious and got in my way, but most were kind. Who says that New Yorkers are rude? We rock!

9. When in a wheelchair, your world becomes a lot smaller. Because you now have to plot how to get everywhere, simply getting across the street is an adventure. I think I will appreciate being able to go distances again, without the help of a chair or car and by simply using my feet.

10. I've often been concerned about the limitations that obese people face (not fitting in airline or movie seats or booths; having to shop in special stores), but now have a new appreciation for all that wheelchair-bound people have to deal with. Unfortunately, many folks in a wheelchair can't reverse their conditions, whereas obese people at least have that option. Yes, it's hard, but the possibility is at least there, whereas it probably isn't (at least until more research is done) for those who are paralyzed. I'm hoping to do some more to raise awareness of this, even if it's on a small scale. For starters, when I return to work, I'm going to question the fire martial about what we should do if a wheelchaired person is on our floor. In drills, they always tell us to take the stairs, but if a person can't take the stairs, there needs to be another option. I'm also going to speak up when I'm on the bus and I see people rolling their eyes at those who have to have the wheelchair pick-up lowered. Yes, it takes an extra 10 minutes, but it's necessary! Me doing these things is not much, but it's a start in making people aware that we need to make things more accessible for others.

Fabulous 40

I just completed a 40-minute workout! That's about double what I've been doing for the past few weeks. It felt really good, too. I've discovered that Britney Spears, Madonna and disco songs are the best for getting in a good performance. Cheesy, yes, but the beats are quick and the time flew by.

I think at this point I'm going to switch to 8-pound weights for a few routines. I'm still doing many reps with my 5-pound hand weights at the moment, and though they're light, trust me, you feel the burn when you do 30 or 40 reps with them. But it's reaching a point where even that is getting kind of easy for me, so I'm going to try the 8-pounders and see how it goes. It's just good to get moving, though. Tonight I went out with two friends to the Spanish restaurant across the street from me and they were playing live salsa music. I so wanted to get up and dance because I love salsa, but all I could do was wiggle a big in my wheelchair. My friends did promise that we'd go dancing as soon as I can, so my workouts are a good way to get that energy out of my system.

As of today, it's exactly two more weeks until my cast comes off. Now that me actually walking again is beginning to seem like more of a reality (though I'm still nervous about the future), I've been thinking of things I'd really like to do when I have my legs back:

1. Go dancing. I haven't done this in a long time, but it's so much fun -- and a good workout. The last time I did some serious dancing, other than at a wedding, was back in 2007 when I went with friends to Disney. We stayed at the Pleasure Island clubs until 2 a.m. and danced the entire time.

2. Go on a hike. Haven't done this in a while either, mainly because I've felt out of shape. But if I keep working out, I'll be able to build up to doing this again. It would be awesome to do a short hike in the fall.

3. Train for a charity walk. Once I can walk again, I want to show my thanks by giving back. I now have new motivation because I know of someone who is ill and I'd like to do something to help. Since I can't really do anything on the medical end, raising some money for research by doing a walk is the next best thing. When I've done charity walks in the past, it's always felt good, but it's different when it becomes personal.

4. Buy some cute shoes. Shallow, yes, but all I ever really wear are sneakers. I definitely need to spice up my footwear!

5. Get a pedicure. I don't nearly pamper myself enough and the last time I got a pedi, I really enjoyed it.

I'm sure I'll think of more things as time goes on, but for now, these are helping to motivate me. I need all of the motivation I can get.

What Dreams May Come

One of my friends e-mailed me this article written by creative guru, Lee Silber. I found it so inspiring that I'm reposting it here. It's very long, but well worth reading. Silber's bio and Web site URL are at the end, as well. I've posted MY thoughts on it after.

The Ten Commandments To Health & Happiness

Copyright © 2005 Lee Silber

Have you ever had an epiphany or flash of enlightenment while you slept? Well, I was awakened one hot summer night recently sweating profusely, and not because it was warm. I was frantically attempting to write down the things that had come to me in a dream. This information was either being channeled through me by a higher power or I had eaten some bad food—either way, it seemed important.

When I awoke the next morning, I had scribbled the following ten ideas on a pad of paper (and partially on the night stand, too.) In the light of day some of my midnight breakthroughs have seemed silly in the past. These Ten Commandments to Health And Happiness are in the exact order they came to me in my dream. Since the night these thoughts came to me in my slumber, I have read and reread them several times and you know what, these principles of prosperity make a lot of sense. So, welcome into my head, I hope these help you as much as they have helped me.

1. HOPE

“Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. Without it all we see is darkness.” —Lee Silber

In the movie Shawshank Redemption (a movie that takes place in a prison) one of the main characters "Red" says to his frield and fellow inmate Andy, “Hope is a dangerous thing.” As much as I love this movie, I have to disagree with old Red. Hope is is a POWERFUL thing. Having hope is what gets us up in the morning—whether we have all we have ever wanted and believe there is more good things on the way or, we have hit rock bottom and believe that things are going to get better. People who have lost hope are self-destructive (“What does it matter anyway, I’m doomed to fail”), self-loathing (“Nothing good ever happens to me”), selfish (“Nobody cares about me so why should I care about them”) and depressed ("I suck, life sucks, the whole world sucks"). People filled with hope are exciting to be around. They have a certain positive energy about them. They are motivated. They believe good things are around every corner and more times than not, they are.

What you can do today: Find a person who has done what you want to do or have and learn how they did it and what they had to overcome along the way.

2. LOVE

"A life without love is no life at all." —Lee Silber

We all need it. We all want it. We all spend our lives looking for it. This isn't up for discussion, it's a fact, we want to be loved and we want to love. Now, some of us can say we love books, surfing, Kauai or our boat. That's love. Some of us are romantics and want to find the love of our life. Others love to love and are serial lovers. You can love animals. Hopefully you love yourself. Equally important is that you love what you do for a living. Love is the thing that matters most for many of us. Even looking for in all the wrong places is better than having no love in your heart. I read a study by a researcher who interviewed people who knew they were dying and the common denominator for nearly all of those on their deathbeds talked about the people, places and things they loved. Mostly the people who loved them. The highest form of love is the unconditional love you (should) get from your family. Not everyone has that kind of love. But "family" can be a group of friends that love you—no questions asked.

What you can do today: Allow yourself daydream about what you would do if everything was perfect and you knew you could not fail. Is there some way to make this your new reality? Could you scale it back and live part of the dream?

3. COURAGE

"We all feel fear. It's what we do when we feel it that makes a difference." —Lee Silber

I will never forget the first time I parachuted. It was a whole new kind of fear. As we passed the drop zone in this broken down plane the instructor held my head out the opening (there was no door) and said, "See that spot right there? That's where you land. Now, get the hell out the airplane." Every fiber of my body said, "Don't do it." But I climbed out on the wing and then hurled myself into air. You know the ending to this story because I am here to tell it. What you may not know is that nothing has come close to being as scary as that jump. Actually, the second time I parachuted was worse, but that's another story. Even though I have never been so terrified, I have also never felt such exhilaration. Facing your fears can change your life—for the better. People who have courage can become successful entrepreneurs. Courageous people can become multi-millionaires when they take (calculated) risks in real estate, the stock market or in themselves and their abilities. Fearless people live larger lives than those who lack courage and cower whenever they start to move outside their (small) comfort zone. The key is to use fear to motivate you to work harder, practice and prepare more and then to allow it to race through your veins not as a poison, but as a positive force to push you to do more, be more and have more.

What you can do today: Do one small thing that pushes you a little outside of your comfort zone and makes you feel at least a little bit of fear.

4. DREAMS

"It is my belief that having a vision for your future and a plan to achieve it is what separates the winners from the losers." —Lee Silber

I was on a path to becoming a beachbum when I was a teenager. I took life one day at a time and put no thought into what I wanted tomorrow to look like. Then I found a book called The Winner's Edge in my high school library and it changed my life. The lesson I learned is that winners set goals. I set the goal to make honor role and had a plan to achieve it—to start attending class. Once I reached that goal I was hooked. Over the years I have developed and designed an advanced goal-setting system that has proven so effective I surprise myself (and my parents) with the things I have been able to achieve. For creative people like myself, it's important to focus our energy and efforts or else we end up all over the place. It is also helpful to engage both sides of our brains in the planning process. That means you write out what you want your life to be like (left brain) and then find images that visually represent what you want (right-brain). Whatever form your goals take (a wish list, a statement of intention, a dream board or a general idea of what you want—that is written down) you have done more than most people. By fast-forwarding your life you can time travel to your future and allow what you want to guide your daily decisions. Goals keep you excited and motivated no matter what your current circumstances are and give you a general direction to point your time, talent and tenacity.

What you can do today: Grab a stack of magazines and catalogs and start ripping out anything that inspires you and create a collage full of images and words that get you excited about your future.

5. SELF-ESTEEM

"Low self-esteem is the root of all evil." —Lee Silber

Many of us strive to achieve things for reasons that aren't always in our best interests. Maybe you want to impress a parent or your peers through an accomplishment. It could be that you believe making a certain amount of money or holding a certain title or degree will make you feel worthy. A great many of us have been brainwashed to believe that a big house, massive SUV and expensive clothes will make us feel good about ourselves. While these things can and do make us feel better about ourselves, there is more to self-esteem than just the things we can call our own. Again, it's good to strive to be all you can be and to be rewarded for your efforts. There is also something to be said for finding the people, places and things that we are passionate about and pursue those. That's the path to happiness and ultimately, success. Maybe the term self-esteem isn't the best word to use to describe what is essentially a feeling of contentment, of being sure of who you are and what you can do.It's a sense of purpose and a belief that you can make things happen for you and others. I do know that people who lack self-esteem struggle in all areas of their lives. A belief that you don't deserve good things to happen to you can lead to poor choices in relationships, with money and in regards to your career.

What you can do today: Make a list of all of your past accomplishments (big and small), leave a positive message for yourself on your voice mail, write yourself a nice note and mail it off or e-mail yourself a list of things you are proud of.

6. TALENT/SKILL/KNOWLEDGE

"We all have talent. We all possess a skill. We all know more than we think we know. What we need to do is find a way to do, what we like to do and do well, as a way to earn our daily bread." —Lee Silber

So many of us say, "I'll be happy as soon as..." Many times we have more than we think we do. I can't tell you how many people I know who are over-educated. They felt that in order to do what they wanted to do they needed an Ph.D. Sure, practicing medicine and law without a license is criminal. However, if you want to play guitar, but haven't started because you first felt you HAD to read music, it might interest you to know that Paul McCartney doesn't read music and that Phil Collins wrote out the horn parts to his solo album using his own unique series of dots and dashes. Many best-selling authors still can't type, spell or use a computer. Many great businesses were built by college drop outs (Apple Computers, Virgin Records and Microsoft). Learn all you can, hone your craft, practice until you get it right but then DO SOMETHING. It is the people who act that succeed. Are you a scholar or are you someone who makes things happen? If I knew everything there was to know about publishing, I would have been paralyzed by fear. I believe it was my lack of knowledge that made it seem possible to get published. Have you heard the term, "She's a natural" or "Man, he makes that look easy"? There are certain skills that it seems we are pre-programmed with. If only we could figure out what they were, we wouldn't have to struggle with things that seem right for us on paper, but are wrong for us simply because we aren't using our God-given gifts.

What you can do today: What is one area you feel you need to know more about to achieve more in your life or your career? Do something about it today. Buy a book, sign up for a class or ask someone for help. Then do something with this new knowledge.

7. PURPOSE/PASSION

"It usually isn't the most educated, most talented or most privileged person that makes it big. It is the person with passion and purpose that rises to the top." —Lee Silber

What is it that pushes people past what others think is possible? What makes a person outwork, outhustle and oulast everyone around them? What keeps some going through failure and financial hardship when others who were only mildly interested gave up? If you said "passion" you are right. If you said a sense of purpose, you are also correct. When a person has both, watch out. In sports there are always stories of players who hung in there despite overwhelming odds, injuries and setbacks. In the movie Bull Durham the character that plays the wise, but aging catcher ("Crash") loves baseball so much he simply stays with it even though he is stuck in the minor leagues. The reason ballplayers stick with it is their passion for the game and their sense of purpose—to make it to the Major Leagues. I have also met activists that are so passionate about what they are doing they are able to open doors that were closed to others. They are even able to inspire others and "evangelize" them to their cause. I have met people who floundered through life until they figured out what their purpose was and all of a sudden they were focused, disciplined and motivated beyond belief. If only all of us were able to first know what our purpose is and then have the courage to pursue it we would be filled with the same energy, enthusiasm and enlightenment that most high achievers and happy people seem to have.

What you can do today: Just answer the following questions. What is something you could study or do all year long (and nothing else) and not get bored? Think back to a time in your life when you were perfectly happy and content. What were you doing? What are you most passionate about? If someone asked you what YOUR purpose in life was what would you say?

8. SUPPORT

"Nobody achieves success alone. Nobody." —Lee Silber

When I was a young upstart I did something that changed my life forever. Even though I started my first business at age eleven and another at eighteen, it was something I did after high school that I think set me apart from my peers. I typed up a letter that asked some of San Diego's most wealthy and influential people if they would have lunch with me so we could talk about their success. I then made copies and went to Rancho Santa Fe's main street (this is is a super affluent area of San Diego) and placed my letters on the nicest cars I could find. I then went home to wait by the phone. Several people called and one invited me to his home for lunch. It turned out he was a major player in publishing. As you now know, this person has been very helpful in my career—as has several other mentors. Even though I am not a joiner, I am a founder. Over the years I have founded several clubs to bring people together to support, encourage and interact with each other. This also has been life changing. Also, through my books and radio show I have interviewed many successful people and many have helped me in a variety of ways. The bottom line is this, we all need help, support and encouragement from time to time. I would recommend finding a mentor or three, starting a mastermind group of your peers so you can exchange ideas and insights and finding a person whom you could assist in some capacity.

What you can do today: Make a date to either attend a meeting where there are people who can help you, you can help or you can help each other. Then show up and make the most of the opportunity.

9. DISCIPLINE

"People ask me all the time, 'How did you manage to find the time to write eleven books in eleven years?' The answer is easy, I made the time by being disciplined and determined enough to put my pen to paper day after day." —Lee Silber

Picasso was known for being a great entertainer but he always painted. Sometimes leaving people alone in his home to go to his studio. Hemingway was famous (and infamous) for his drinking, but he awoke each morning and wrote BEFORE drinking himself into a stupor. Jimmy Buffett is best known for his songs "Margaritaville" and "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere" but he himself is not the party animal he appears to be. He has written four best-selling books, recorded over thirty records, founded a successful chain of restaurants and his own record label. You can't do that without discipline. Discipline comes in different forms. There is the discipline to be able to focus. There is the discipline to create no matter what the distractions. Then there is the discipline to do something. Without discipline a very bad thing happens—nothing. I will say, when something you think you want to do never seems to get going you may want to ask yourself if you are one hundred percent committed. If it is something you want and should be doing then do it. It's that simple. Winners do what they say they will do and do it while losers just talk about it.

What you can do today. Find a simple step that you can take to get going on something you have wanted to work on for a long time but just can seem to find the time or the inspiration. Make this a micromovement—something so simple you can do it in under an hour.

10. CREATIVE

"By being an 'Idea Person' anything is possible. Problems aren't a problem, they are opportunities. You are able to express what you think and feel into forms that others can see and hear. By being creative you are living 'The Life' ." —Lee Silber

When I was in high school and college I often wondered what was wrong with me. I'd look at a problem on a test and see more than one right answer or I'd come up with several other options. I would have a hard time focusing in math and science but excelled in art, music and writing. It seemed I thrived when I didn't have to just memorize steps, systems or solutions but was able to come up with my own unique ideas. When I finally found myself in art school I heard a giant click. This is where I belonged. I was rewarded for being an "idea guy" and a "creative person". I think it is the ability to solve problems with innovative thinking that should be held higher than all other skills and abilities.

What you can do today: Is there a better way to do this?" for every task encounter the rest of the day.

LEE SILBER is the author of eleven books including ORGANIZING FROM THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BRAIN. Lee is also the founder of five companies and a sought-after presenter. To learn more (and get a lot of free stuff) go to: http://www.creativelee.com.

MRS. THIGHS'S THOUGHTS ON CREATIVITY AND SUCCESS

The reason why I enjoyed this article so much is that it not only spoke to me as a "creative person," but as someone who constantly has to push herself to actually get things done -- case in point, losing weight. I'm very good at accomplishing short-term projects: to wit, in the past few years, I've written two novels, recorded an album and completed that 20-mile charity walk, but I seem to lack the discipline to keep going with stuff. I've been especially feeling this lately (broken leg aside) as I've tried to find something to feel motivated and passionate about.

I have one friend whom I envy because he's great at getting stuff done. He's accomplished a lot and while I admire him for doing so, I admire him more for the hard work he puts in to get there. He doesn't stop, even when things get tough. He's always encouraging me to not give up on stuff, but I have a tendency to not push myself that extra bit. I definitely think this ties in with my weight loss.

Some of it has to do with the fact that I feel drained from the times I have pushed myself. After writing two novels and attempting to get them published, it never happened. I managed to land two literary agents over the course of five years and wrote dozens or rewrites, but the publishing companies just didn't like my work well enough to buy it. Meantime, I'm really proud of my CD, but it hasn't sold as well as I'd hoped. As for my weight loss, I was so proud when I lost a lot of weight and could complete that long walk, but now I have to DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. It's so daunting to think I have to go all the way back to the beginning when I was getting so close to being where I want to be. It's kind of like climbing Mt. Everest and then tumbling down only a few hundred feet from the peak.

That said, this time at home has given me some opportunity to review my dreams. I think that part of the reason why I'm so frustrated about not getting my novels published is because I was holding onto a "dream" that isn't really a dream of mine. Yes, I had two good ideas and I'm glad that I put them down on paper, but since then, I just haven't had a good fiction story in mind. I've known other fiction writers who've had their work rejected, but they've written story after story until they've found "the one" that sells. I just don't feel that passion and desire. But what I DO enjoy writing is non-fiction, I've found. Though many aspects of my job at a magazine annoy me, those annoyances mainly have to do with the beauracracy and not with the writing itself. I still look forward to doing interviews and writing them up. I also really like writing in this blog and I love writing up travelogues for our trips -- which I do strictly for fun. Many friends have suggested that I write a book of my travelogues, but I don't really care whether or not I earn money from them (though it would be nice). I write them because I enjoy sharing my experiences and I know that my friends and family enjoy reading them. When I was writing my novels, it felt more like work to me. I enjoyed putting them together and felt a sense of satisfaction when I'd finished, but I wasn't writing these stories for ME -- I was writing them in the hopes of selling something.

What all of this has to do with my weight is that I think that a big part of my overeating has to do with trying to "fill myself up" with something that's missing. That said, I'm trying to refocus what I want and what I really enjoy doing. I think that the more non-food related things I find to satisfy myself with, the more success I'll have -- both with my weight and in my overall life.