My new scale arrived today and according to it, I've lost 10 lbs since I was last weighed a few weeks ago. Of course, I wish it were more; I'm very close to being in the 200s now, so this is frustrating. Still, I'll take it, especially since I managed to lose over Thanksgiving -- even after having attended three celebrations. Right now, I'm counting down my weight from when I was last weighed at my doctor's. I know that I lost a lot before then, but I have no idea what I weighed, say, eight months ago. I'm guessing in the upper 300s, which is so, so scary. It's kind of sad that I'm feeling "thin" these days just because I can do normal things like sit in a chair with arms and well, walk, but I refuse to hate on myself.
Bodies are weird because the last time I crossed over 300, I could barely move and was bursting out of my fat clothes. Now that I'm on my way down the scale, though, I guess I'm carrying it differently, because I can walk pretty easily and had to buy smaller clothing. I don't really get it, but hey, if I'm shrinking in any capacity, I won't argue!
Now that I know where I'm at, I'm prepared to make some more changes to my eating plan. I've been doing pretty well and generally eat non-processed foods, a lot of veggies, fruits and whole grains. But I know that I can still cut back on some stuff. I'm still eating a lot of bread. Granted, it's whole wheat, but I'm going to limit myself to two slices a day. The same goes for hummus. I LOVE hummus, but know that I need to watch the servings. I'm also going to switch over to only using low-fat dressings on my salads. I always keep the dressing on the side and only use a small amount, but I'm going to improve my salads by using oil and vinegar, or a fat free vinaigrette.
Part of my challenge as a diabetic is to make sure that I eat at regular intervals, so I'm going to keep low-fat, filling snacks like string cheese and wheat crackers or a pear on hand. I'm also going to drink more water.
Finally, I know I need to exercise more. I've been walking several times a week, but I need to do something more vigorous like the BowFlex or the elliptical at the gym.
I've been feeling really good and am so much more active than I was earlier this year. If I'm feeling light on my feet now, it's going to seem lik I'm FLYING as I lose more pounds. This is something to look forward to.
Showing posts with label losing weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label losing weight. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Salad Snob
Since I've been eating more salads and vegetable dishes, I've become rather "snobby" about my food.
In NYC we're very lucky because about half the restaurants and delis have a make your own salad option. For me, the perfect salad has a spinach or mixed greens base; a few different types of veggies in different colors, i.e. carrots, beets, cauliflower, cucumbers; a bit of fruit, usually orange segments or apple slices; some type of protein, usually chickpeas or cheese; a couple of olives; dressing on the side. I never bog down my salad with pastas or crunchy bits or croutonsand I use the dressing sparingly because I like to experience the taste of the veggies.
When traveling, though, you have to depend on the restaurant's idea of a salad, and even with a salad bar present, this can be disappointing. While upstate a few weeks ago, I often ordered salads and it was almost the same thing every time: a slab of iceberg lettuce, some tomatoes and croutons. Since I don't like large tomato slices (but I like salsa and tomato sauce and tomato soup, and yes, I'm weird in my pickiness) and can't eat croutons, my salad would end up being ... lettuce. Even when we went to a salad bar, all they had was lettuce and then hardly any veggies! There were some sliced carrots and tomatoes, but then everything else offered was some variant of a "salad" drenched in mayo, like potato salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ... you get the idea. I don't know if this is an upstate thing, a way to keep the cost down on ingredients, or if we're just very spoiled in NYC. But I couldn't wait to get home to have my REAL salads!
Sometimed a prepared salad will surprise me -- in a good way. The other night, we went to a cute pub near us that we frequent. I usually order some type of chicken, but this evening I felt like having something less filling. I ordered that night's special salad, which had spinach, onions, oranges, goat cheese and cranberries (I guess because it was Thanksgiving weekend). It was SO good -- just a little sweet, but not over the top.
At home, we make some great salads, too. Jon's sister gave him a Moroccan cookbook for his birthday and one of our favorite recipes is a zucchini apple orange and mint salad. The juices mix together to make a "dressing" and it's amazing. We brought it to our Thanksgiving dinner and everyone loved it. Last year, I put together a tropical-style salad consisting of baby spinach, hearts of palm, mangoes and goat cheese. I then served it with a fat-free raspberry dressing. I'm no cook, but it was delicious!
I'm still finding it kind of funny that I'm actually CRAVING salads and vegetables, enough so that I have favorite ingredients and preparations. If you're trying to lose weight and think that you have to live on "rabbit food," think again. If you experiment a bit, you might just put together a great salad that's healthy and is a main event at your meal.
In NYC we're very lucky because about half the restaurants and delis have a make your own salad option. For me, the perfect salad has a spinach or mixed greens base; a few different types of veggies in different colors, i.e. carrots, beets, cauliflower, cucumbers; a bit of fruit, usually orange segments or apple slices; some type of protein, usually chickpeas or cheese; a couple of olives; dressing on the side. I never bog down my salad with pastas or crunchy bits or croutonsand I use the dressing sparingly because I like to experience the taste of the veggies.
When traveling, though, you have to depend on the restaurant's idea of a salad, and even with a salad bar present, this can be disappointing. While upstate a few weeks ago, I often ordered salads and it was almost the same thing every time: a slab of iceberg lettuce, some tomatoes and croutons. Since I don't like large tomato slices (but I like salsa and tomato sauce and tomato soup, and yes, I'm weird in my pickiness) and can't eat croutons, my salad would end up being ... lettuce. Even when we went to a salad bar, all they had was lettuce and then hardly any veggies! There were some sliced carrots and tomatoes, but then everything else offered was some variant of a "salad" drenched in mayo, like potato salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ... you get the idea. I don't know if this is an upstate thing, a way to keep the cost down on ingredients, or if we're just very spoiled in NYC. But I couldn't wait to get home to have my REAL salads!
Sometimed a prepared salad will surprise me -- in a good way. The other night, we went to a cute pub near us that we frequent. I usually order some type of chicken, but this evening I felt like having something less filling. I ordered that night's special salad, which had spinach, onions, oranges, goat cheese and cranberries (I guess because it was Thanksgiving weekend). It was SO good -- just a little sweet, but not over the top.
At home, we make some great salads, too. Jon's sister gave him a Moroccan cookbook for his birthday and one of our favorite recipes is a zucchini apple orange and mint salad. The juices mix together to make a "dressing" and it's amazing. We brought it to our Thanksgiving dinner and everyone loved it. Last year, I put together a tropical-style salad consisting of baby spinach, hearts of palm, mangoes and goat cheese. I then served it with a fat-free raspberry dressing. I'm no cook, but it was delicious!
I'm still finding it kind of funny that I'm actually CRAVING salads and vegetables, enough so that I have favorite ingredients and preparations. If you're trying to lose weight and think that you have to live on "rabbit food," think again. If you experiment a bit, you might just put together a great salad that's healthy and is a main event at your meal.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Important Decision
Well, I survived the weekend of three Thanksgivings relatively unscathed. I had a great time seeing friends and relatives and didn't go crazy with my eating at all. I was a little worried beforehand that I'd feel left out when it came to avoiding huge mounds of mashed potatoes and sugary desserts, but food was just one part of the weekend. Most of my time was spent catching up with my loved ones, which is how it should be. The food was yummy, but was more of an afterthought.
It's been unseasonably warm in NY this holiday so I've done a lot of walking. I was feeling tired yesterday, but forced myself to get outside for a few hours because it was so beautiful out. I'm glad that I did! Jon noted that I'm having to stop fewer times when we walk and that my stride is getting quicker. I can almost keep up with him at this point.
Though I've lost enough weight to have dropped a full size in the past few months, I still think of myself as being a much bigger person. I recently ordered new clothes in sizes 4X and 5X ... and they're huge on me to the point that they look ridiculous. I ended up buying some other outfits in 3x, which look better and are more comfortable because they're not hanging off of me. Jon says that I look thinner in the fitted clothing, as well.
Because I am still very overweight, I'm at a stage where I'm a bit surprised when people notice the weight loss -- even though the compliments are much appreciated, of course. When I was decorating my friends' tree on Friday, my friend's husband was watching me hang ornaments and asked, "Have you weighed yourself lately? I can see from the side that you've lost a lot since we last saw each other." I explained how my scale won't register me yet and it's a goal of mine to get to a point where it does. He was like, "But that's stupid. My digital scale says 'error' all of the time. Just buy a regular scale!" He's right, of course. I'm seeing a nutritionist in a few days, though, so I'll get a very accurate reading there. It'll be an awesome way to end the year if I finally make it back into the 200s. And yes, I know, I need a new scale. I'm ordering one today, in fact.
Meanwhile, I've made an important decision: I'm going to hold off a little longer in starting the Victoza injections. Victoza is prescribed to Type II diabetics because it lowers blood sugar, but it also aids with weight loss. Now you may be thinking, "Is she crazy? Why is she not jumping at the chance to take this miracle cure?" However, I've put a lot of thought into this decision and feel that it's the right one -- for now, anyway.
1. My blood sugar does not need to be lowered at the moment. If anything, it's been dipping TOO low rather frequently. Next time I see my doctor I'm going to talk to her about lowering my insulin because I've had a couple of scares with my bs suddenly dropping. Victoza seems to work for people whose bs is high, even with insulin. I'm nervous that I could end up making myself seriously ill if I take it on top of insulin and Metformin.
2. Victoza makes many people feel queasy and ill, at least for a while. I have too much to do and can't afford being sick right now. It also curbs your appetite to the point where many people need to remind themselves to eat. Since I'm already having to do this as I'm getting full so easily these days, again, this seems like it could be dangerous. I need to remind myself to eat frequently so that my bs doesn't drop ... and the last thing I need is for me to be vomiting up my food as my bs drops even more.
3. Victoza is a relatively new drug. It's only been on the market as an FDA approved substance for about two years and the longterm side effects are unknown. Studies have also shown that it can cause thyroid cancer. The unknown aspect of it makes me a bit nervous. I'd like to know how it might affect me down the road.
4. In reading reviews, several people have complained that it was a "miracle" drug at first because it curbed their appetites and they lost weight quickly. But after a few months went by, it stopped working, they felt hungrier than ever and the weight came back.
5. My doctor stressed that I don't really NEED Victoza, that it's just a possible weight loss aid worth checking out. If I needed it, I'd be on it already. I mean, I didn't question having to inject insulin because I knew it was necessary, and I haven't hesitated before taking any of the other NECESSARY pills that I'm on. I'm already taking about a dozen different things and I'd rather not take anything extra if I don't have to.
That said, I'm not against taking Victoza in the future. If I'm weaned off insulin and my blood sugar starts rising again, this seems like it could be a useful medication. If my weight loss continues to be glacially slow and my thyroid meds stop working, again, Victoza seems like it could help. But for now, I believe that it has the potential to hurt me more than help me so I'm waiting to use it. It's easy to just grab any "miracle" cure that's out there, but I also think it's very important to do research and weigh (no pun intended) the pros and cons. I'm open to changing my program, but for now what I'm doing is working.
P.S. I just ordered my new scale! It weighs up to 440lbs, so I should be set. Hopefully, it will arrive within the next few days.
It's been unseasonably warm in NY this holiday so I've done a lot of walking. I was feeling tired yesterday, but forced myself to get outside for a few hours because it was so beautiful out. I'm glad that I did! Jon noted that I'm having to stop fewer times when we walk and that my stride is getting quicker. I can almost keep up with him at this point.
Though I've lost enough weight to have dropped a full size in the past few months, I still think of myself as being a much bigger person. I recently ordered new clothes in sizes 4X and 5X ... and they're huge on me to the point that they look ridiculous. I ended up buying some other outfits in 3x, which look better and are more comfortable because they're not hanging off of me. Jon says that I look thinner in the fitted clothing, as well.
Because I am still very overweight, I'm at a stage where I'm a bit surprised when people notice the weight loss -- even though the compliments are much appreciated, of course. When I was decorating my friends' tree on Friday, my friend's husband was watching me hang ornaments and asked, "Have you weighed yourself lately? I can see from the side that you've lost a lot since we last saw each other." I explained how my scale won't register me yet and it's a goal of mine to get to a point where it does. He was like, "But that's stupid. My digital scale says 'error' all of the time. Just buy a regular scale!" He's right, of course. I'm seeing a nutritionist in a few days, though, so I'll get a very accurate reading there. It'll be an awesome way to end the year if I finally make it back into the 200s. And yes, I know, I need a new scale. I'm ordering one today, in fact.
Meanwhile, I've made an important decision: I'm going to hold off a little longer in starting the Victoza injections. Victoza is prescribed to Type II diabetics because it lowers blood sugar, but it also aids with weight loss. Now you may be thinking, "Is she crazy? Why is she not jumping at the chance to take this miracle cure?" However, I've put a lot of thought into this decision and feel that it's the right one -- for now, anyway.
1. My blood sugar does not need to be lowered at the moment. If anything, it's been dipping TOO low rather frequently. Next time I see my doctor I'm going to talk to her about lowering my insulin because I've had a couple of scares with my bs suddenly dropping. Victoza seems to work for people whose bs is high, even with insulin. I'm nervous that I could end up making myself seriously ill if I take it on top of insulin and Metformin.
2. Victoza makes many people feel queasy and ill, at least for a while. I have too much to do and can't afford being sick right now. It also curbs your appetite to the point where many people need to remind themselves to eat. Since I'm already having to do this as I'm getting full so easily these days, again, this seems like it could be dangerous. I need to remind myself to eat frequently so that my bs doesn't drop ... and the last thing I need is for me to be vomiting up my food as my bs drops even more.
3. Victoza is a relatively new drug. It's only been on the market as an FDA approved substance for about two years and the longterm side effects are unknown. Studies have also shown that it can cause thyroid cancer. The unknown aspect of it makes me a bit nervous. I'd like to know how it might affect me down the road.
4. In reading reviews, several people have complained that it was a "miracle" drug at first because it curbed their appetites and they lost weight quickly. But after a few months went by, it stopped working, they felt hungrier than ever and the weight came back.
5. My doctor stressed that I don't really NEED Victoza, that it's just a possible weight loss aid worth checking out. If I needed it, I'd be on it already. I mean, I didn't question having to inject insulin because I knew it was necessary, and I haven't hesitated before taking any of the other NECESSARY pills that I'm on. I'm already taking about a dozen different things and I'd rather not take anything extra if I don't have to.
That said, I'm not against taking Victoza in the future. If I'm weaned off insulin and my blood sugar starts rising again, this seems like it could be a useful medication. If my weight loss continues to be glacially slow and my thyroid meds stop working, again, Victoza seems like it could help. But for now, I believe that it has the potential to hurt me more than help me so I'm waiting to use it. It's easy to just grab any "miracle" cure that's out there, but I also think it's very important to do research and weigh (no pun intended) the pros and cons. I'm open to changing my program, but for now what I'm doing is working.
P.S. I just ordered my new scale! It weighs up to 440lbs, so I should be set. Hopefully, it will arrive within the next few days.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and this year, in particular, I have many things to be thankful for.
1. My health. It's been a trying year in terms of that, but I'm feeling good and am taking steps to be even healthier. I'm very grateful for my team of doctors, who've been amazing.
2. My husband. For the past two years, Jon has had to care for me after I broke my leg and then as I dealt with having diabetes. He's cheered me on the whole way and has been patient with me during the tougher times. I'm very lucky to have a wonderful man in my life.
3. My family. I've had my ups and downs with my parents, but they're basically good people who have raised me to be an interesting person. We've been in a better place lately, too. I also have fantastic in-laws. Our Thanksgiving today was so much fun and it only reinforced what a wonderful family I have. And I have an awesome cat, too!!!
4. My friends. I have so many close friends who are like family and who've gone out of their way for me. Sometimes I doubt my friendships, which is a bad habit on my part, so I need to remind myself that I have some great people in my life.
5. My weight loss (so far). I'm now a size smaller than I was a couple of months ago. I've gone from a 4X to a 3X, so I'm still huge, but less so. It's been fun digging out stuff from my closet and wearing it as if it's new. I found a pink cashmere sweater that I'd purchased last year. They didn't have my size, but I ordered it anyway, hoping I'd shrink into it. I finally have! I'd love to be a 2X by January -- and I'd love to finally be at a weight that my scale will register. That's a goal in itself.
6. Being able to walk again. Between my surgery and extreme weight gain, I could barely walk a block last winter. Now I can walk a few miles and actually enjoy it! I've also begun wearing cute shoes again. Up until recently, I was wearing nothing but sneakers, but I'm back to wearing dressier footwear. I like looking polished.
I'm also lucky because I get three Thanksgivings this year! Last night, my friend invited me over for a pre-holiday dinner; then tomorrow, we're going to a friend for a post-holiday brunch/tree decorating session. It's been fun, but dealing with holiday food has been a bit of a challenge. I think I'm doing okay, though.
My friend made a point to keep the pre-holiday dinner light. I brought hummus, cheese and grapes and she then served veggie soup with blue corn chips and salad. Nothing was too heavy or unhealthy and the dinner was a nice way to kick off the holiday weekend.
Today was a bit tougher because we went to Jon's aunt and uncle. His aunt is an amazing cook and always serves a ton of food. I was careful; I didn't overindulge on appetizers (even though she served this amazing striped five-flavored cheese!) and took little bits of the dishes. There was turkey, of course, plus a broccoli/spinach casserole, meatballs and zucchini/apple salad that Jon made. I stayed away from the potatoes, stuffing and bread. I took seconds of the spinach/broccoli and turkey, but ended up leaving most over. For dessert, I took one gluten-free cranberry chocolate cookie. And then this is where it gets tricky: Jon's aunt presented me with a box of sugar free pastries: a mini cheesecake, Napoleon and mini cream puff. She wanted me to feel like I could fit in since I'm diabetic and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I just don't keep sweets in the house. My dessert is usually Greek yogurt.
However, I ended up "needing" the desserts. Lately, my blood sugar has been dropping really low, right into a dangerous zone. I need to speak with my doctor about adjusting my insulin, but obviously, I wasn't going to reach her today. Anyway, when I tested after dinner, my sugar was in a good place: 122. But when I came home a couple of hours later, it had dipped down to 60 and I was getting the shakes. So I ended up eating the cream puff and some cereal to get it back to normal. Even though it was sugar free, it still had a carb-y cake shell and it did the trick. Sometimes diabetes is very weird. Most of the time, I stick with low-sugar, low-carb fare, but a carb-y treat sometimes helps knock me back to normal. It's a constant balancing act. I should probably keep a carton of orange juice in the house.
Tomorrow, we're going to the diner for breakfast, so I'll be in good shape. I'll get an omelet and whole wheat toast, which should keep me going for a few hours. I've come to appreciate diners because they have so many options for me.
1. My health. It's been a trying year in terms of that, but I'm feeling good and am taking steps to be even healthier. I'm very grateful for my team of doctors, who've been amazing.
2. My husband. For the past two years, Jon has had to care for me after I broke my leg and then as I dealt with having diabetes. He's cheered me on the whole way and has been patient with me during the tougher times. I'm very lucky to have a wonderful man in my life.
3. My family. I've had my ups and downs with my parents, but they're basically good people who have raised me to be an interesting person. We've been in a better place lately, too. I also have fantastic in-laws. Our Thanksgiving today was so much fun and it only reinforced what a wonderful family I have. And I have an awesome cat, too!!!
4. My friends. I have so many close friends who are like family and who've gone out of their way for me. Sometimes I doubt my friendships, which is a bad habit on my part, so I need to remind myself that I have some great people in my life.
5. My weight loss (so far). I'm now a size smaller than I was a couple of months ago. I've gone from a 4X to a 3X, so I'm still huge, but less so. It's been fun digging out stuff from my closet and wearing it as if it's new. I found a pink cashmere sweater that I'd purchased last year. They didn't have my size, but I ordered it anyway, hoping I'd shrink into it. I finally have! I'd love to be a 2X by January -- and I'd love to finally be at a weight that my scale will register. That's a goal in itself.
6. Being able to walk again. Between my surgery and extreme weight gain, I could barely walk a block last winter. Now I can walk a few miles and actually enjoy it! I've also begun wearing cute shoes again. Up until recently, I was wearing nothing but sneakers, but I'm back to wearing dressier footwear. I like looking polished.
I'm also lucky because I get three Thanksgivings this year! Last night, my friend invited me over for a pre-holiday dinner; then tomorrow, we're going to a friend for a post-holiday brunch/tree decorating session. It's been fun, but dealing with holiday food has been a bit of a challenge. I think I'm doing okay, though.
My friend made a point to keep the pre-holiday dinner light. I brought hummus, cheese and grapes and she then served veggie soup with blue corn chips and salad. Nothing was too heavy or unhealthy and the dinner was a nice way to kick off the holiday weekend.
Today was a bit tougher because we went to Jon's aunt and uncle. His aunt is an amazing cook and always serves a ton of food. I was careful; I didn't overindulge on appetizers (even though she served this amazing striped five-flavored cheese!) and took little bits of the dishes. There was turkey, of course, plus a broccoli/spinach casserole, meatballs and zucchini/apple salad that Jon made. I stayed away from the potatoes, stuffing and bread. I took seconds of the spinach/broccoli and turkey, but ended up leaving most over. For dessert, I took one gluten-free cranberry chocolate cookie. And then this is where it gets tricky: Jon's aunt presented me with a box of sugar free pastries: a mini cheesecake, Napoleon and mini cream puff. She wanted me to feel like I could fit in since I'm diabetic and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I just don't keep sweets in the house. My dessert is usually Greek yogurt.
However, I ended up "needing" the desserts. Lately, my blood sugar has been dropping really low, right into a dangerous zone. I need to speak with my doctor about adjusting my insulin, but obviously, I wasn't going to reach her today. Anyway, when I tested after dinner, my sugar was in a good place: 122. But when I came home a couple of hours later, it had dipped down to 60 and I was getting the shakes. So I ended up eating the cream puff and some cereal to get it back to normal. Even though it was sugar free, it still had a carb-y cake shell and it did the trick. Sometimes diabetes is very weird. Most of the time, I stick with low-sugar, low-carb fare, but a carb-y treat sometimes helps knock me back to normal. It's a constant balancing act. I should probably keep a carton of orange juice in the house.
Tomorrow, we're going to the diner for breakfast, so I'll be in good shape. I'll get an omelet and whole wheat toast, which should keep me going for a few hours. I've come to appreciate diners because they have so many options for me.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Catching Up And Still Losing
Whew! November has been a really busy month, but everything is going well. I've been on the thyroid meds for a few weeks now and am definitely feeling the difference in my weight; I now feel a lot lighter on my feet and all of my clothes are hanging on me. Even getting off the couch is a lot easier as I no longer have to heave myself up. More and more people are noticing the change. I still have such a long way to go, but for now, I'll be thrilled when I hit the 200s again. If I think too far ahead, it feels like I'll never lose, so I have to celebrate how far I've come in just a few months.
We just got back from a short vacation in upstate NY and I'm very proud of how I did in terms of eating and exercising. We didn't do tons of walking because we were up there for a friend's wedding, but we did do some: we explored Rochester -- which is a really nice city, by the way -- and went up to Niagara Falls. I especially enjoyed walking along the river in Rochester. We did about two miles, but it was relaxing. In the past, I would've been complaining about back troubles, but I didn't have any this time around, which was a relief.
As for eating, I indulged a little bit, but didn't follow my typical pattern where I go a little crazy on vacation. I had some great food, like barbecue in Rochester, but watched my portions and frequently checked my blood sugar. I "cheated" one time when I had a couple of spoonfuls of Jon's chocolate Oreo cake (and boy, was it worth it!), but didn't overdo it -- and managed to keep my blood sugar stable. Even at the wedding, I mainly ate vegetable crudite and fruit. I gave myself permission to have a small piece of wedding cake, but after taking two bites, I didn't even want any.
It's been wonderful to feel so much better physically, but I'm also feeling good mentally these days, which I think is equally as important. I've been trying to figure out what's changed in my life; I think it's important to keep track of the things that are positive so that I can keep up with that behavior. I'm pleased that I seem to finally be moving away from using food as a means to fill an emotional hole and I want to continue with that. Anyway, here are some of the good changes I've made:
1. I'm seeing doctors more often. I still have a fear of them, but getting a proper diagnosis and the correct meds has made a HUGE difference in my life. To other overweight people out there -- don't be scared to see your doctor. I know that it can be trying, especially when a doctor is judgmental, but it's worth it to find a compassionate, capable doctor who understands what an obese patient has to deal with.
2. I see a therapist. Yes, taking care of your mental health is important. I was a little resistant to the idea at first, but it does help to have someone to talk to. She helps me put things in perspective and find a new way to view problems. I'm still a worrier, but not like I was a year ago.
3. I found something new to do that I enjoy. While I was out with my broken leg, I began making jewelry -- and fell in love with it. Most of us work really hard at our jobs, but having an outside interest is a way for me to escape from the stress of work.
4. That said, I'm enjoying my job again. I came very close to quitting last year, but am glad that I stuck it out. This was out of my control, but the change of office helped, I think. I've made some new, good friends and look forward to going to work each day. Even though the job can be stressful, I'm trying to concentrate on the things that I like about it.
5. I'm trying to foster closer relationships with my friends and family. I've been working harder than ever to keep in touch with the important people in my life. It's hard when we're all busy, but having good friends is what keeps me sane!
6. I'm exercising. Not nearly as much as I should be, but walking is great for my body and mind.
7. I cut out most junk food. I eat a lot of veggies, lean meats, yogurts, fruits -- but almost no processed foods or sweets. This is something I plan to do for the rest of my life.
As I've said before, food is only one part of my life. I'm glad that I'm learning to love the other parts again.
We just got back from a short vacation in upstate NY and I'm very proud of how I did in terms of eating and exercising. We didn't do tons of walking because we were up there for a friend's wedding, but we did do some: we explored Rochester -- which is a really nice city, by the way -- and went up to Niagara Falls. I especially enjoyed walking along the river in Rochester. We did about two miles, but it was relaxing. In the past, I would've been complaining about back troubles, but I didn't have any this time around, which was a relief.
As for eating, I indulged a little bit, but didn't follow my typical pattern where I go a little crazy on vacation. I had some great food, like barbecue in Rochester, but watched my portions and frequently checked my blood sugar. I "cheated" one time when I had a couple of spoonfuls of Jon's chocolate Oreo cake (and boy, was it worth it!), but didn't overdo it -- and managed to keep my blood sugar stable. Even at the wedding, I mainly ate vegetable crudite and fruit. I gave myself permission to have a small piece of wedding cake, but after taking two bites, I didn't even want any.
It's been wonderful to feel so much better physically, but I'm also feeling good mentally these days, which I think is equally as important. I've been trying to figure out what's changed in my life; I think it's important to keep track of the things that are positive so that I can keep up with that behavior. I'm pleased that I seem to finally be moving away from using food as a means to fill an emotional hole and I want to continue with that. Anyway, here are some of the good changes I've made:
1. I'm seeing doctors more often. I still have a fear of them, but getting a proper diagnosis and the correct meds has made a HUGE difference in my life. To other overweight people out there -- don't be scared to see your doctor. I know that it can be trying, especially when a doctor is judgmental, but it's worth it to find a compassionate, capable doctor who understands what an obese patient has to deal with.
2. I see a therapist. Yes, taking care of your mental health is important. I was a little resistant to the idea at first, but it does help to have someone to talk to. She helps me put things in perspective and find a new way to view problems. I'm still a worrier, but not like I was a year ago.
3. I found something new to do that I enjoy. While I was out with my broken leg, I began making jewelry -- and fell in love with it. Most of us work really hard at our jobs, but having an outside interest is a way for me to escape from the stress of work.
4. That said, I'm enjoying my job again. I came very close to quitting last year, but am glad that I stuck it out. This was out of my control, but the change of office helped, I think. I've made some new, good friends and look forward to going to work each day. Even though the job can be stressful, I'm trying to concentrate on the things that I like about it.
5. I'm trying to foster closer relationships with my friends and family. I've been working harder than ever to keep in touch with the important people in my life. It's hard when we're all busy, but having good friends is what keeps me sane!
6. I'm exercising. Not nearly as much as I should be, but walking is great for my body and mind.
7. I cut out most junk food. I eat a lot of veggies, lean meats, yogurts, fruits -- but almost no processed foods or sweets. This is something I plan to do for the rest of my life.
As I've said before, food is only one part of my life. I'm glad that I'm learning to love the other parts again.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
I See London, I See France...
How can I tell that I'm losing weight? My skirt fell down around my ankles ... in the middle of my office!
I was walking down the corridor when, all of a sudden, I felt a little breeze and well, there was my skirt on the floor. Two women happened to be walking by just then and were like, "We didn't see anything." I quickly pulled it back up and laughed about it, but man, that was embarrasing. Thankfully, I was wearing a very long shirt, so I didn't expose too much. For the rest of the day, I held onto my skirt while I walked so it wouldn't slip again. I guess I should donate it to Good Will.
Still, out of all the problems to have, this isn't a bad one. I hope that more of my clothes will be falling off of me very soon -- though not in public, please.
Today, I met with the diabetes educator. She and my doctor want me to start yet another drug called Victroza. It's an injection and is supposed to aid with weight loss by making me less insulin resistant. Sounds intriguing, but the big side effect is nausea and lowered blood sugar. I can deal with the second; my doctor will just have to adjust my other meds to even things out. But I hate the idea of being nauseous for an extended amount of time. She suggested that I try it for a few days and see if I can tolerate it, so I'm going to begin when we return from our vacation next week. No sense in messing up our trip. If I can tolerate it, though, and the weight comes off, it'll be worth it.
Meantime, I've started training for the New Year's Walk. I'm trying to increase my speed, but ended up doing something weird to my foot. It feels like I pulled a muscle. I'm resting it tonight, but really hope it feels better by the weekend. It's supposed to be gorgeous outside and a friend is coming to visit. I figured that we could take a walk around the neighborhood and then go to the movies.
So that's my life in a nutshell at the moment. Things are good and I'm optimistic about the future.
I was walking down the corridor when, all of a sudden, I felt a little breeze and well, there was my skirt on the floor. Two women happened to be walking by just then and were like, "We didn't see anything." I quickly pulled it back up and laughed about it, but man, that was embarrasing. Thankfully, I was wearing a very long shirt, so I didn't expose too much. For the rest of the day, I held onto my skirt while I walked so it wouldn't slip again. I guess I should donate it to Good Will.
Still, out of all the problems to have, this isn't a bad one. I hope that more of my clothes will be falling off of me very soon -- though not in public, please.
Today, I met with the diabetes educator. She and my doctor want me to start yet another drug called Victroza. It's an injection and is supposed to aid with weight loss by making me less insulin resistant. Sounds intriguing, but the big side effect is nausea and lowered blood sugar. I can deal with the second; my doctor will just have to adjust my other meds to even things out. But I hate the idea of being nauseous for an extended amount of time. She suggested that I try it for a few days and see if I can tolerate it, so I'm going to begin when we return from our vacation next week. No sense in messing up our trip. If I can tolerate it, though, and the weight comes off, it'll be worth it.
Meantime, I've started training for the New Year's Walk. I'm trying to increase my speed, but ended up doing something weird to my foot. It feels like I pulled a muscle. I'm resting it tonight, but really hope it feels better by the weekend. It's supposed to be gorgeous outside and a friend is coming to visit. I figured that we could take a walk around the neighborhood and then go to the movies.
So that's my life in a nutshell at the moment. Things are good and I'm optimistic about the future.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Step Out Walk For Diabetes
Today was the 5-mile Step Out Walk for diabetes. It went really well. I trained so much for the event, but I never feel quite ready the day before I do any of these walks. Still, once we got to South Street Seaport, I was ready to go and I maintained that energy all through the walk. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and I loved taking in the view as we marched over th Brooklyn Bridge.
I've done walks for suicide prevention, the March Of Dimes, leukemia, autism, but this time, I was doing a walk for something that affects me so I had even more motivation to complete it. Plus, this was the most I've walked since I had my ankle surgery, so I felt as if I were beating two health issues.
Over 3000 people participated, which was great, especially since so much money was raised for the American Diabetes Association. There were people of every type there: kids, babies, elderly, even two guys who did the entire walk on stilts! The atmosphere was festive at Pier 17 and everyone was dancing as a live band played.
Still, there were reminders of how deadly diabetes can be and that hit home for me. There were several teams walking in honor of a loved one who'd died from the disease. There was one guy who was blind and had obviously lost his sight from diabetes. There were several people in wheelchairs or who were limping because diabetes had robbed them of their ability to walk. Scary stuff. I admired these people for going ahead with a major walk and at the same time was thankful that I'm in decent health -- for now, anyway.
I really need to keep my health intact now; that's the trick. Between the diabetes and my thyroid issues, I feel like I'm juggling six balls in the air, but my blood sugar, liver, vision, legs and heart are all in good shape (knock on wood). Walking today in the bright sunshine reinfornced for me how fortunate I am to be healthy when just months ago, I was steps away from being in the hospital.
That said, I'm already thinking about the future and what I'm going to do to stay well and stay steps ahead of my disease. Eating is going very well. I'm still enjoying a lot of vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Today' menu was a little odd because I had three power bars during the walk, but that was necessary to give me energy. The rest of the time, though, I've been staying away from treats and have been having yogurt for dessert.
I'd also like to continue walking. I have a bad habit of doing a big walk and then slacking off, but I won't do that this time. I'm already looking into the next walk and am planning ahead for the spring. We have a big wedding coming up in Nigeria, believe it or not, so I want to be in good shape for traveling to such an exotic place.
But today was a great way to get going! I'm proud of the work I've done since getting diagnosed, and was happy to celebrate in such a positive environment.
I've done walks for suicide prevention, the March Of Dimes, leukemia, autism, but this time, I was doing a walk for something that affects me so I had even more motivation to complete it. Plus, this was the most I've walked since I had my ankle surgery, so I felt as if I were beating two health issues.
Over 3000 people participated, which was great, especially since so much money was raised for the American Diabetes Association. There were people of every type there: kids, babies, elderly, even two guys who did the entire walk on stilts! The atmosphere was festive at Pier 17 and everyone was dancing as a live band played.
Still, there were reminders of how deadly diabetes can be and that hit home for me. There were several teams walking in honor of a loved one who'd died from the disease. There was one guy who was blind and had obviously lost his sight from diabetes. There were several people in wheelchairs or who were limping because diabetes had robbed them of their ability to walk. Scary stuff. I admired these people for going ahead with a major walk and at the same time was thankful that I'm in decent health -- for now, anyway.
I really need to keep my health intact now; that's the trick. Between the diabetes and my thyroid issues, I feel like I'm juggling six balls in the air, but my blood sugar, liver, vision, legs and heart are all in good shape (knock on wood). Walking today in the bright sunshine reinfornced for me how fortunate I am to be healthy when just months ago, I was steps away from being in the hospital.
That said, I'm already thinking about the future and what I'm going to do to stay well and stay steps ahead of my disease. Eating is going very well. I'm still enjoying a lot of vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Today' menu was a little odd because I had three power bars during the walk, but that was necessary to give me energy. The rest of the time, though, I've been staying away from treats and have been having yogurt for dessert.
I'd also like to continue walking. I have a bad habit of doing a big walk and then slacking off, but I won't do that this time. I'm already looking into the next walk and am planning ahead for the spring. We have a big wedding coming up in Nigeria, believe it or not, so I want to be in good shape for traveling to such an exotic place.
But today was a great way to get going! I'm proud of the work I've done since getting diagnosed, and was happy to celebrate in such a positive environment.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Update And Interesting News
Had a very positive visit with the endicronologist last week. All of my numbers are down, including my blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure and liver/kidney values. Also, my A1C (the three month blood sugar average) went from a scary 13 to a 9. 7 is normal, but I'll get it there the next time. My doctor says that she never saw an improvement like this before and that I should be proud of the work I've done.
Unfortunately, my weight stayed about the same, despite the overhaul in my diet and the training for the walk. BUT there's a good reason ... apparently, I have an underactive thyroid. It actually came up in my last blood test, but my doctor didn't want to put me on too many pills at once, especially since my blood sugar was in an emergency zone. However, she says I've probably had thyroid problems for years. This would explain why I gain weight so easily and the only time I ever lost a significant amount was when I was training for the 20-mile walk and logging 90 minutes on the elliptical several times a week. I've started taking medicine for the condition; hopefully, my body will start functioning sometime soon. I'm glad that my health has improved from my last visit, but it's frustrating to know that several of my organs need pills to work properly.
It does help to know exactly what's going on with my body and to be able to take the proper medication to correct it (it's pretty amazing how a few pills can get you back to normal). Still, when it comes to my weight gain, I'm not blameless. Yes, my metabolism really is messed up right now, but my thyroid didn't make me eat entire cartons of Ben & Jerrys or full boxes of cereal during my past binges. It didn't force pepperoni pizza down my throat!
Now that I'm exercising, eating better and taking meds to keep my body in check, I'm looking forward to everything finally working as it's supposed to. I'm not expecting a miracle, just good health.
Unfortunately, my weight stayed about the same, despite the overhaul in my diet and the training for the walk. BUT there's a good reason ... apparently, I have an underactive thyroid. It actually came up in my last blood test, but my doctor didn't want to put me on too many pills at once, especially since my blood sugar was in an emergency zone. However, she says I've probably had thyroid problems for years. This would explain why I gain weight so easily and the only time I ever lost a significant amount was when I was training for the 20-mile walk and logging 90 minutes on the elliptical several times a week. I've started taking medicine for the condition; hopefully, my body will start functioning sometime soon. I'm glad that my health has improved from my last visit, but it's frustrating to know that several of my organs need pills to work properly.
It does help to know exactly what's going on with my body and to be able to take the proper medication to correct it (it's pretty amazing how a few pills can get you back to normal). Still, when it comes to my weight gain, I'm not blameless. Yes, my metabolism really is messed up right now, but my thyroid didn't make me eat entire cartons of Ben & Jerrys or full boxes of cereal during my past binges. It didn't force pepperoni pizza down my throat!
Now that I'm exercising, eating better and taking meds to keep my body in check, I'm looking forward to everything finally working as it's supposed to. I'm not expecting a miracle, just good health.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
What's Your Number?
I'm going to do something on this blog that I'm sure you've noticed I've yet to do -- actually give a number for my weight. So here goes ... taking a deep breath ... right now, I'm around 300 pounds. Yikes.
To tell you the truth, though, I'm not 100 percent sure of what my weight is at the moment because my scale only goes up to 300. But it won't weight me; it keeps saying "Error" so I'm assuming that I'm just over the limit. If I lean forward slightly, it weighs me at around 296. When I weighed in at my doctor's back in August, I was 318 on her scale. I know I've lost weight since then, enough that people are starting to notice, so I figure I'm now in the low 300s. I'd REALLY like to be under 300 by my visit next week. I don't think it's impossible, but it will still be a challenge. I'm trying to prove to her that I don't need gastric bypass surgery. I have a feeling that I'm going to have to really stand my ground on this. But I don't want to lose too quickly. As long as I keep losing, I'll be happy.
The scary thing is, this is me in "better" shape than I was for most of this past year. I'm guessing that I weighed around 350 last winter. I mean, I could barely walk and had difficulty fitting into regular sized chairs. Even movie seats were a tight squeeze. And of course, I got sick.
I'm not happy being so overweight -- still -- that my scale won't acknowledge me, but I have to remind myself of all I can do now. I can easily walk a few miles; even if I have to take a few stops, I can get it done -- and I ENJOY walking. I can fit in chairs with arms and even booths at restaurants; this is no longer an issue for me. I'm sleeping better and have so much more energy! So yeah, being at or slightly over 300 sucks, but it sucks a lot less than where I was not too long ago.
I've been eating really, really well and have kept my blood sugar stable. I think what I need to do is eat less -- even of the healthy stuff -- and exercise more. I got plenty of that today! We're cleaning our home for an upcoming party and I spent hours mopping, scrubbing and carrying piles of books from one room to another. The place is shaping up and I'm spent, but in a good way. I plan to do a long walk tomorrow in addition to more cleaning. I love the fact that I have enough energy to actually make my weekends productive.
I've been embarrassed about my weight for a long time, but I've decided that I'm just going to own my number -- or as close to it as I can get until I'm weighed next week, anyway. 300 is transient; I won't be here forever. Plus, more than the actual number on the scale is the fact that my health is slowly improving.
To tell you the truth, though, I'm not 100 percent sure of what my weight is at the moment because my scale only goes up to 300. But it won't weight me; it keeps saying "Error" so I'm assuming that I'm just over the limit. If I lean forward slightly, it weighs me at around 296. When I weighed in at my doctor's back in August, I was 318 on her scale. I know I've lost weight since then, enough that people are starting to notice, so I figure I'm now in the low 300s. I'd REALLY like to be under 300 by my visit next week. I don't think it's impossible, but it will still be a challenge. I'm trying to prove to her that I don't need gastric bypass surgery. I have a feeling that I'm going to have to really stand my ground on this. But I don't want to lose too quickly. As long as I keep losing, I'll be happy.
The scary thing is, this is me in "better" shape than I was for most of this past year. I'm guessing that I weighed around 350 last winter. I mean, I could barely walk and had difficulty fitting into regular sized chairs. Even movie seats were a tight squeeze. And of course, I got sick.
I'm not happy being so overweight -- still -- that my scale won't acknowledge me, but I have to remind myself of all I can do now. I can easily walk a few miles; even if I have to take a few stops, I can get it done -- and I ENJOY walking. I can fit in chairs with arms and even booths at restaurants; this is no longer an issue for me. I'm sleeping better and have so much more energy! So yeah, being at or slightly over 300 sucks, but it sucks a lot less than where I was not too long ago.
I've been eating really, really well and have kept my blood sugar stable. I think what I need to do is eat less -- even of the healthy stuff -- and exercise more. I got plenty of that today! We're cleaning our home for an upcoming party and I spent hours mopping, scrubbing and carrying piles of books from one room to another. The place is shaping up and I'm spent, but in a good way. I plan to do a long walk tomorrow in addition to more cleaning. I love the fact that I have enough energy to actually make my weekends productive.
I've been embarrassed about my weight for a long time, but I've decided that I'm just going to own my number -- or as close to it as I can get until I'm weighed next week, anyway. 300 is transient; I won't be here forever. Plus, more than the actual number on the scale is the fact that my health is slowly improving.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Milestones
Part of the "fun" of losing weight is encountering those odd, little milestones that you didn't even realize you needed to pass until you actually get to them. Happily, this is happening for me more and more.
One occurred at my office. Back in June, we moved to a different building in lower Manhattan, and like most offices in New York, you have to pass through a security turnstile to enter. However, I couldn't fit through the main turnstiles; instead, I had to go through the wider wheelchair entrance. Since it took us two weeks to get our ID cards, I kept having to ask the guard to buzz me in. I obviously wasn't in a wheelchair so my reason for needing that entrance was clear, and it was kind of embarrassing. Thankfully, the guards were kind and noone gave me a hard time.
Eventually, my ID card was processed and I could come and go through that entrance as I pleased. Still, I wondered when I'd be thin enough to fit through the main turnstile. Then last week, the wheelchair gate broke and the guard told me I'd have to find another way out (on a side note, I'm curious what they would've done for someone actually in a wheelchair). The only way was through the main bank of turnstiles. I was like, "Crap, I'm going to either get stuck and the fire department is going to have to come and rescue me like a beached whale, or I won't be able to escape from my office." But I took a deep breath, prepared to squeeze through ... and I fit! It wasn't even that tight a fit; I could get through with my purse at my side.
What's kind of funny is that this week they've removed the turnstiles and have installed newer, wider gates near the elevators instead. Still, I got the chance to find out that yes, I can make it through those particularly narrow turnstiles. One milestone down!
Meanwhile, Jon and I went to see Wicked (which was really good, by the way) with some friends this past weekend. I arranged a dinner near the theater and planned to take the E train, which would drop us off about a block away. However, the E was running on the F line and the closest stop was three blocks away. In the past, this would've upset me. I would'v bitched about having to walk for that longer distance, but this time, I didn't care at all. Jon even suggested that we switch to the local so we could be a block closer, but I was like, "That's silly." So I got some extra exercise in and had a great evening to boot.
I still have many milestones to go: getting under 200 pounds, being able to shop in regular-sized stores, not needing my seatbelt extender on a plane, feeling the confidence to try something like ziplining without having to worry about a weight limit ... the list goes on and on. But even with these smaller milestones, I'm already experiencing a much-improved quality of life. It can only get more exciting from here and I'm looking forward to it.
One occurred at my office. Back in June, we moved to a different building in lower Manhattan, and like most offices in New York, you have to pass through a security turnstile to enter. However, I couldn't fit through the main turnstiles; instead, I had to go through the wider wheelchair entrance. Since it took us two weeks to get our ID cards, I kept having to ask the guard to buzz me in. I obviously wasn't in a wheelchair so my reason for needing that entrance was clear, and it was kind of embarrassing. Thankfully, the guards were kind and noone gave me a hard time.
Eventually, my ID card was processed and I could come and go through that entrance as I pleased. Still, I wondered when I'd be thin enough to fit through the main turnstile. Then last week, the wheelchair gate broke and the guard told me I'd have to find another way out (on a side note, I'm curious what they would've done for someone actually in a wheelchair). The only way was through the main bank of turnstiles. I was like, "Crap, I'm going to either get stuck and the fire department is going to have to come and rescue me like a beached whale, or I won't be able to escape from my office." But I took a deep breath, prepared to squeeze through ... and I fit! It wasn't even that tight a fit; I could get through with my purse at my side.
What's kind of funny is that this week they've removed the turnstiles and have installed newer, wider gates near the elevators instead. Still, I got the chance to find out that yes, I can make it through those particularly narrow turnstiles. One milestone down!
Meanwhile, Jon and I went to see Wicked (which was really good, by the way) with some friends this past weekend. I arranged a dinner near the theater and planned to take the E train, which would drop us off about a block away. However, the E was running on the F line and the closest stop was three blocks away. In the past, this would've upset me. I would'v bitched about having to walk for that longer distance, but this time, I didn't care at all. Jon even suggested that we switch to the local so we could be a block closer, but I was like, "That's silly." So I got some extra exercise in and had a great evening to boot.
I still have many milestones to go: getting under 200 pounds, being able to shop in regular-sized stores, not needing my seatbelt extender on a plane, feeling the confidence to try something like ziplining without having to worry about a weight limit ... the list goes on and on. But even with these smaller milestones, I'm already experiencing a much-improved quality of life. It can only get more exciting from here and I'm looking forward to it.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Size Matters
I'm getting thinner -- and what's weird is that I didn't realize just how much I've been slimming down.
In the past, I'd start a new diet or eating plan, and then become obsessed with the number on the scale. Sometimes I'd weigh myself a few times a day and then let it dictate my mood. This time, though, I'm avoiding the scale and going by appearance/clothing size instead. I was weighed at the doctor's a few weeks ago, and will see her in a couple of weeks when I will get weighed again on the same scale. So far, this "experiment" is working; I at least have an idea of my size, but am not consumed by it.
I also haven't been obsessed with eating, at least not with calorie counting. I now have to be very conscious of what I put in my mouth because my diabetes limits what I can eat somewhat, and I am determined to keep my blood sugar down. I had an eye exam last week that thankfully went well and the doctor said that I have better than 20/20 vision. But -- and this is a big but -- he stressed that in order to keep my eyes healthy, I need to carefully monitor my blood sugar. I really, really don't want to lose my sight, so any cravings are tempered by the thought of the diabetes making me blind in the future.
That said, I'm eating a lot and I'm eating well. I basically cut out all junk, including diet sodas. I eat a large salad with most meals and lots of healthy, lean meats, veggies, fruits and good proteins. The few carbs I do eat are "brown," such as whole wheat bread or whole grain cereal. I snack on low-fat cheese, almonds, yogurt and if I really want something sweet, sugar free Jell-O. I eat whenever I'm hungry, but watch my portions. I don't feel deprived and my cravings for sugar, which I can no longer have in large quantities, have subsided.
I like this way of eating because my menu is free of junk. Whenever I followed plans that involved counting calories or points, or whatever, I'd "work" the system so that I could have sweets. I'd allow a certain number of calories for a cupcake or exercise for enough minutes so that I could splurge on a cookie. Yes, I was sticking to the number of alloted calories, but I was wasting them on foods that aren't nutritious. I believe that things should be done in moderation so if I go to, say, a wedding and indulge in a piece of cake, it won't be the end of the world. But I'm not going to eat cake just because it's available -- especially if I can make a better choice. In a way, I like having to keep track of my blood sugar because my meter tells me right then and there how healthy my meal was. If I ate something that caused a spike, I know right away and make sure that I'm more careful at my next meal. My meter keeps me accountable.
I've also been walking several times a week. I'm training for that 5-mile walk that we're doing in October, but I'm also falling back in love with walking on its own. I can comfortably do about 2 miles at the moment, but I'm working my way up.
I've been following this plan for about a month now and can already feel the differences. I'm sleeping so much better, which for this lifetime insomniac, is a welcome blessing. I have more energy and am in a better mood. I used to spend my weekends sleeping, but now I want to the movies or take a walk or see friends. I even cleaned our apartment this past weekend when we were hiding out from Hurricane Irene. It was a disaster area, mainly due to me not having energy for months on end, but I cleaned up a good portion of the clutter. It felt good to get rid of the crap and matched what I'm doing for my body: cleaning up the mess.
I've been so happy with the internal changes that I've been experiencing -- sleeping better, having more energy -- that I haven't really thought much about my appearance. But the other day at work, one of my colleages suddenly said to me, "You know, you've lost a lot of weight, like 30-40 pounds. I can see it all over." Of course, he said it in front of everyone so I was a bit embarrassed. Still, it was sweet and especially appreciated coming from him since he's had a gastric bypass. However, it was very unexpected. I really didn't think that I've reached a point where my weight loss is noticeable so I was completely taken aback by the compliment.
Then when I was cleaning out my closet this weekend, I came across a cute pair of denim capris that I'd purchased online at the beginning of the summer. I think I got them for the 4th of July because they have little stars embroidered on the pockets. Unfortunately, they hadn't fit me at the time, so I threw them onto my growing pile of clothes and planned to send them back. Yesterday, out of curiosity, I tried them on -- and they fit. Really fit, like they're comfortable and look nice on me. I couldn't believe it. Just last month, I could barely pull them up over my thighs and now I can wear them.
To be honest, my success scares me a little. I've been successful at losing weight before, but have always failed. Now I have this bigger thing hanging over my head -- my diabetes -- so I really have to concentrate on keeping my blood sugar at a good number. Maybe, in a weird way, my diagnosis will turn out to be a positive thing and will be what helps me get my health back on track. Wouldn't that be ironic?
By the way, check out my diabetes blog: How Not Sweet It Is
In the past, I'd start a new diet or eating plan, and then become obsessed with the number on the scale. Sometimes I'd weigh myself a few times a day and then let it dictate my mood. This time, though, I'm avoiding the scale and going by appearance/clothing size instead. I was weighed at the doctor's a few weeks ago, and will see her in a couple of weeks when I will get weighed again on the same scale. So far, this "experiment" is working; I at least have an idea of my size, but am not consumed by it.
I also haven't been obsessed with eating, at least not with calorie counting. I now have to be very conscious of what I put in my mouth because my diabetes limits what I can eat somewhat, and I am determined to keep my blood sugar down. I had an eye exam last week that thankfully went well and the doctor said that I have better than 20/20 vision. But -- and this is a big but -- he stressed that in order to keep my eyes healthy, I need to carefully monitor my blood sugar. I really, really don't want to lose my sight, so any cravings are tempered by the thought of the diabetes making me blind in the future.
That said, I'm eating a lot and I'm eating well. I basically cut out all junk, including diet sodas. I eat a large salad with most meals and lots of healthy, lean meats, veggies, fruits and good proteins. The few carbs I do eat are "brown," such as whole wheat bread or whole grain cereal. I snack on low-fat cheese, almonds, yogurt and if I really want something sweet, sugar free Jell-O. I eat whenever I'm hungry, but watch my portions. I don't feel deprived and my cravings for sugar, which I can no longer have in large quantities, have subsided.
I like this way of eating because my menu is free of junk. Whenever I followed plans that involved counting calories or points, or whatever, I'd "work" the system so that I could have sweets. I'd allow a certain number of calories for a cupcake or exercise for enough minutes so that I could splurge on a cookie. Yes, I was sticking to the number of alloted calories, but I was wasting them on foods that aren't nutritious. I believe that things should be done in moderation so if I go to, say, a wedding and indulge in a piece of cake, it won't be the end of the world. But I'm not going to eat cake just because it's available -- especially if I can make a better choice. In a way, I like having to keep track of my blood sugar because my meter tells me right then and there how healthy my meal was. If I ate something that caused a spike, I know right away and make sure that I'm more careful at my next meal. My meter keeps me accountable.
I've also been walking several times a week. I'm training for that 5-mile walk that we're doing in October, but I'm also falling back in love with walking on its own. I can comfortably do about 2 miles at the moment, but I'm working my way up.
I've been following this plan for about a month now and can already feel the differences. I'm sleeping so much better, which for this lifetime insomniac, is a welcome blessing. I have more energy and am in a better mood. I used to spend my weekends sleeping, but now I want to the movies or take a walk or see friends. I even cleaned our apartment this past weekend when we were hiding out from Hurricane Irene. It was a disaster area, mainly due to me not having energy for months on end, but I cleaned up a good portion of the clutter. It felt good to get rid of the crap and matched what I'm doing for my body: cleaning up the mess.
I've been so happy with the internal changes that I've been experiencing -- sleeping better, having more energy -- that I haven't really thought much about my appearance. But the other day at work, one of my colleages suddenly said to me, "You know, you've lost a lot of weight, like 30-40 pounds. I can see it all over." Of course, he said it in front of everyone so I was a bit embarrassed. Still, it was sweet and especially appreciated coming from him since he's had a gastric bypass. However, it was very unexpected. I really didn't think that I've reached a point where my weight loss is noticeable so I was completely taken aback by the compliment.
Then when I was cleaning out my closet this weekend, I came across a cute pair of denim capris that I'd purchased online at the beginning of the summer. I think I got them for the 4th of July because they have little stars embroidered on the pockets. Unfortunately, they hadn't fit me at the time, so I threw them onto my growing pile of clothes and planned to send them back. Yesterday, out of curiosity, I tried them on -- and they fit. Really fit, like they're comfortable and look nice on me. I couldn't believe it. Just last month, I could barely pull them up over my thighs and now I can wear them.
To be honest, my success scares me a little. I've been successful at losing weight before, but have always failed. Now I have this bigger thing hanging over my head -- my diabetes -- so I really have to concentrate on keeping my blood sugar at a good number. Maybe, in a weird way, my diagnosis will turn out to be a positive thing and will be what helps me get my health back on track. Wouldn't that be ironic?
By the way, check out my diabetes blog: How Not Sweet It Is
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
All Greek To Me
We're still in Greece and are having a great time. Right now, we're on the island of Crete, which is the largest of the Greek isles. We spent the day exploring the ruins at Knossos and then went to a small museum.
My walking still isn't great, but this trip is giving me a lot of opportunities to be active. Many come up when I don't plan on them. For instance, yesterday we took the Athens subway to the port where we caught the boat to Crete. But what we weren't told was that the entrance to the port was about a mile and a half from the actual boat. So we walked and walked and walked ... and I was feeling pretty good. I stopped every few minutes and was glad I was able to do so much.
Then I looked at my watch and realized that the boat was about to leave in 15 minutes and we were still nowhere near it. At that point, I gave in and hailed a cab. Had I had more time, though, I would've been able to complete the distance.
The day before was spent in the mountain city of Delphi. The bus dropped us off in town and we were told that the ruins were .5 K away. But that was .5 K away from the edge of town -- and the bus station was all the way across town. Again, I ended up walking much more than I'd planned -- on mountain hills, no less. We must've covered a few miles, at least, and by the time we were through with the ruins and made it back to town, I was wiped. My legs hurt and I felt like I was about to pass out. Still, I took a nap on the bus and kind of hobbled to dinner later that evening.
Today, I was proud of myself for hiking all over the ruins, which were pretty vast. The good thing about ruins is that there are always a lot of rocks and walls and large pieces of old things to sit on. So I'd climb a staircase, then sit and enjoy the view. I got to see everything there, but I took my time and enjoyed myself.
I can't say that I've been eating very well. I thought that Mediterranean food was supposed to be healthy, but much of it is fried. The cheese pie, spinach pie, zucchini appetizers ... all fried. I don't like fried too much so I'm getting a little tired of it. Unfortunately, I don't eat fish, so I have to make due with meats and vegetarian stuff -- and it seems like a lot is baked or cooked in oil. Portions are also HUGE, like ridiculously so. I don't speak any Greek so it's difficult to negotiate on an order, so I'm just trying to not eat too much and then walk a lot. I can't tell where my weight is at, but I do feel like I'm getting stronger. I still need Jon's help sometimes when I encounter steep, uneven stairs, and I can feel the lack of strength in my left leg; but I was able to make it around much of the ruins today without help.
Tomorrow, we're heading off to Santorini. I've always wanted to go, so I'm excited. I was nervous about doing this trip, but am glad that I've been able to do much more than I thought.
My walking still isn't great, but this trip is giving me a lot of opportunities to be active. Many come up when I don't plan on them. For instance, yesterday we took the Athens subway to the port where we caught the boat to Crete. But what we weren't told was that the entrance to the port was about a mile and a half from the actual boat. So we walked and walked and walked ... and I was feeling pretty good. I stopped every few minutes and was glad I was able to do so much.
Then I looked at my watch and realized that the boat was about to leave in 15 minutes and we were still nowhere near it. At that point, I gave in and hailed a cab. Had I had more time, though, I would've been able to complete the distance.
The day before was spent in the mountain city of Delphi. The bus dropped us off in town and we were told that the ruins were .5 K away. But that was .5 K away from the edge of town -- and the bus station was all the way across town. Again, I ended up walking much more than I'd planned -- on mountain hills, no less. We must've covered a few miles, at least, and by the time we were through with the ruins and made it back to town, I was wiped. My legs hurt and I felt like I was about to pass out. Still, I took a nap on the bus and kind of hobbled to dinner later that evening.
Today, I was proud of myself for hiking all over the ruins, which were pretty vast. The good thing about ruins is that there are always a lot of rocks and walls and large pieces of old things to sit on. So I'd climb a staircase, then sit and enjoy the view. I got to see everything there, but I took my time and enjoyed myself.
I can't say that I've been eating very well. I thought that Mediterranean food was supposed to be healthy, but much of it is fried. The cheese pie, spinach pie, zucchini appetizers ... all fried. I don't like fried too much so I'm getting a little tired of it. Unfortunately, I don't eat fish, so I have to make due with meats and vegetarian stuff -- and it seems like a lot is baked or cooked in oil. Portions are also HUGE, like ridiculously so. I don't speak any Greek so it's difficult to negotiate on an order, so I'm just trying to not eat too much and then walk a lot. I can't tell where my weight is at, but I do feel like I'm getting stronger. I still need Jon's help sometimes when I encounter steep, uneven stairs, and I can feel the lack of strength in my left leg; but I was able to make it around much of the ruins today without help.
Tomorrow, we're heading off to Santorini. I've always wanted to go, so I'm excited. I was nervous about doing this trip, but am glad that I've been able to do much more than I thought.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Greetings From Greece!
Wow, it's been a long time since I've written, but a lot has happened in the past few weeks.
First, there was the craziness with my job situation. My magazine was bought out by a new company and there are a lot of changes. Many people lost jobs. However, I was lucky and received a promotion! FINALLY! It feels really good to get some respect at my job where I work my butt off. I'm sorry that some people lost theirs or received pay cuts, but I'm proud that I've moved up.
Meantime, my jewelry business is going well. My last fair was successful and a lot of fun, and I've been invited to a third fair in June. If things keep up, this could end up being a profitable side business.
As for my weight loss efforts, well, they haven't gone as well as I'd hoped, but they haven't gone badly, either. I haven't gone to the gym as much as I'd planned. However, I've been watching what I eat and have stopped eating when I'm full. I also made an appointment with an endicrinologist for August. I don't like to blame my weight on anything other than myself, but I do suspect that I have a hormonal or thyroid problem. If I do, I need to get it fixed.
Right now, as you've probably guessed from this post title, we are in Greece! We flew into Athens yesterday and will also be visiting Delphi, Crete and Santorini. I was nervous about walking around the city with my limited mobility, but I'm doing pretty well. I even managed to hike up to the top of the Acropolis this morning! It was a long way up, about a mile vertical, with steep hills, but I took my time and stopped every few feet. I enjoyed the view and before I knew it, we were at the top!
I'm glad I did this because yesterday, I was seriously feeling like a Freakish Fat Girl. The seat on the plane felt so tight and I just about made it into the plane's little bathroom. I couldn't put the seat tray down so I had to keep my food on Jon's tray. The nice, but annoying flight attendants were all concerned and were like, "Are you okay? We can bring the food later?" and making a big deal of it when I just wanted them to put their attention elsewhere. Then our hotel room in Athens has this weird, little bathroom with a huge sink that juts out. I was having nightmares back to our hotel in London where I couldn't squeeze into the bathroom to get to our shower, only in this case, I was afraid I wouldn't even be able to get to the toilet -- but I was able to squeeze past and get in. And then this morning, getting in and out was even easier. Hopefully, after all the walking I've done today -- about two miles -- that squeeze past the sink will be even less.
I know that regular-sized people don't encounter these types of problems ... but in-shape people do enjoy things like hiking up mountains and traveling and walking around cities, so it feels good to be doing that.
I think that Greece is going to kick my ass, but as Jon said, I've probably been underestimating myself since I had my surgery. If a country is going to whip me into shape, it might as well be a place that's as beautiful and interesting as Greece.
First, there was the craziness with my job situation. My magazine was bought out by a new company and there are a lot of changes. Many people lost jobs. However, I was lucky and received a promotion! FINALLY! It feels really good to get some respect at my job where I work my butt off. I'm sorry that some people lost theirs or received pay cuts, but I'm proud that I've moved up.
Meantime, my jewelry business is going well. My last fair was successful and a lot of fun, and I've been invited to a third fair in June. If things keep up, this could end up being a profitable side business.
As for my weight loss efforts, well, they haven't gone as well as I'd hoped, but they haven't gone badly, either. I haven't gone to the gym as much as I'd planned. However, I've been watching what I eat and have stopped eating when I'm full. I also made an appointment with an endicrinologist for August. I don't like to blame my weight on anything other than myself, but I do suspect that I have a hormonal or thyroid problem. If I do, I need to get it fixed.
Right now, as you've probably guessed from this post title, we are in Greece! We flew into Athens yesterday and will also be visiting Delphi, Crete and Santorini. I was nervous about walking around the city with my limited mobility, but I'm doing pretty well. I even managed to hike up to the top of the Acropolis this morning! It was a long way up, about a mile vertical, with steep hills, but I took my time and stopped every few feet. I enjoyed the view and before I knew it, we were at the top!
I'm glad I did this because yesterday, I was seriously feeling like a Freakish Fat Girl. The seat on the plane felt so tight and I just about made it into the plane's little bathroom. I couldn't put the seat tray down so I had to keep my food on Jon's tray. The nice, but annoying flight attendants were all concerned and were like, "Are you okay? We can bring the food later?" and making a big deal of it when I just wanted them to put their attention elsewhere. Then our hotel room in Athens has this weird, little bathroom with a huge sink that juts out. I was having nightmares back to our hotel in London where I couldn't squeeze into the bathroom to get to our shower, only in this case, I was afraid I wouldn't even be able to get to the toilet -- but I was able to squeeze past and get in. And then this morning, getting in and out was even easier. Hopefully, after all the walking I've done today -- about two miles -- that squeeze past the sink will be even less.
I know that regular-sized people don't encounter these types of problems ... but in-shape people do enjoy things like hiking up mountains and traveling and walking around cities, so it feels good to be doing that.
I think that Greece is going to kick my ass, but as Jon said, I've probably been underestimating myself since I had my surgery. If a country is going to whip me into shape, it might as well be a place that's as beautiful and interesting as Greece.
Monday, April 4, 2011
TV Show Review: RUBY
Whew, I'm wiped tonight. Yesterday was my first craft show for my jewelry, so Jon and I got up at the crack of dawn and then spent the day in the freezing cold and wind as I sold my stuff. But I made a few sales and learned some stuff about retail. All in all, it was an interesting day.
I got in some exercise since I had to carry my suitcase full of jewelry and supplies, but my eating wasn't great. Though I brought some granola bars and low-fat string cheese, I ended up having some chocolate pretzels and a barbecue pork sandwich, though to be fair, I only ate about a quarter of the sandwich because it was fatty and gross. Not my best day, but I didn't go crazy, which was good since I was surrounded by fresh-baked cookies and candies at the event. Today, I returned to eating well and am looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow. Only six weeks until Greece; I've really got to step it up a notch.
Meanwhile, I've been watching a lot of "Fat TV" in search of inspiration. There are a lot of shows featuring obese people these days, which is kind of scary. But it's good to know that I'm not alone in my struggles.
One of the shows that speaks to me and frustrates me at the same time is RUBY, which is on the Style network. It chronicles the weight struggles of 40something Ruby Gettinger, who went from being 700-plus lbs to about 350. She almost made it out of the 300s ... and then gained about 60 pounds.
What I appreciate about the show is that it shows a real woman's struggle. It's not like THE BIGGEST LOSER, where contestants lose weight very quickly ... and then we don't really hear from them. Ruby is realistic and raw; we see her weight go up and down, and her struggling to not binge -- which is what it's like for many of us who have eating issues.
Unfortunately, much of the series frustrates me in that it's contrived. Ruby claims to have no childhood memories, a plot point which has been dragged out for four seasons. I suspect that something bad happened to her, like she was molested, but I'm not sure that I really buy that she blacked it out. I mean, she's still in touch with so many people from her childhood, how can they not jog at least some of her memories?
I'm also finding Ruby to be annoying. She's extremely childlike, using words like, "Hacky" (Happy and wacky) or saying things like, "What the hellicopter?" If she doesn't get her way, she whines. Her friends, Jeff and Georgia, are at her every beck and call.
But what furstrates me the most is that she just doesn't seem to be interested in changing her lifestyle. She's been handed everything-- trainers, shrinks, supportive friends -- and a TV show! And yet she whines whenever her friends eat pizza in front of her and just doesn't seem invested in trying her trainers' workouts. She blames all of her problems on others.
On the one hand, I feel for her because I've been there. Hell, I AM there. I know how difficult it is to keep up your motivation when you have so much to lose. I know what it's like when your friends can eat "normal" foods and you have to watch yourself. I know how it is to lose a lot of weight and then gain it back.
But I've tried. I really have. I've been successful ... and then not so much, but I keep trying and trying again. And I like to think that I act like an adult, even if I do have a weird sense of humor. Ruby doesn't have a job and basically has minions; my friends would kill me if I made them spray tan my naked body (yes, Ruby did this in one episode). I don't yell at people for eating "bad" food in my presence.
I don't expect Ruby's weight loss to be continuous and consistent, but I wish we were watching a more motivated, mature role model. Either way, I hope that Ruby loses the weight. My weight problems are pretty bad, but hers are like a trainwreck. I'd really like to see her get it together.
I got in some exercise since I had to carry my suitcase full of jewelry and supplies, but my eating wasn't great. Though I brought some granola bars and low-fat string cheese, I ended up having some chocolate pretzels and a barbecue pork sandwich, though to be fair, I only ate about a quarter of the sandwich because it was fatty and gross. Not my best day, but I didn't go crazy, which was good since I was surrounded by fresh-baked cookies and candies at the event. Today, I returned to eating well and am looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow. Only six weeks until Greece; I've really got to step it up a notch.
Meanwhile, I've been watching a lot of "Fat TV" in search of inspiration. There are a lot of shows featuring obese people these days, which is kind of scary. But it's good to know that I'm not alone in my struggles.
One of the shows that speaks to me and frustrates me at the same time is RUBY, which is on the Style network. It chronicles the weight struggles of 40something Ruby Gettinger, who went from being 700-plus lbs to about 350. She almost made it out of the 300s ... and then gained about 60 pounds.
What I appreciate about the show is that it shows a real woman's struggle. It's not like THE BIGGEST LOSER, where contestants lose weight very quickly ... and then we don't really hear from them. Ruby is realistic and raw; we see her weight go up and down, and her struggling to not binge -- which is what it's like for many of us who have eating issues.
Unfortunately, much of the series frustrates me in that it's contrived. Ruby claims to have no childhood memories, a plot point which has been dragged out for four seasons. I suspect that something bad happened to her, like she was molested, but I'm not sure that I really buy that she blacked it out. I mean, she's still in touch with so many people from her childhood, how can they not jog at least some of her memories?
I'm also finding Ruby to be annoying. She's extremely childlike, using words like, "Hacky" (Happy and wacky) or saying things like, "What the hellicopter?" If she doesn't get her way, she whines. Her friends, Jeff and Georgia, are at her every beck and call.
But what furstrates me the most is that she just doesn't seem to be interested in changing her lifestyle. She's been handed everything-- trainers, shrinks, supportive friends -- and a TV show! And yet she whines whenever her friends eat pizza in front of her and just doesn't seem invested in trying her trainers' workouts. She blames all of her problems on others.
On the one hand, I feel for her because I've been there. Hell, I AM there. I know how difficult it is to keep up your motivation when you have so much to lose. I know what it's like when your friends can eat "normal" foods and you have to watch yourself. I know how it is to lose a lot of weight and then gain it back.
But I've tried. I really have. I've been successful ... and then not so much, but I keep trying and trying again. And I like to think that I act like an adult, even if I do have a weird sense of humor. Ruby doesn't have a job and basically has minions; my friends would kill me if I made them spray tan my naked body (yes, Ruby did this in one episode). I don't yell at people for eating "bad" food in my presence.
I don't expect Ruby's weight loss to be continuous and consistent, but I wish we were watching a more motivated, mature role model. Either way, I hope that Ruby loses the weight. My weight problems are pretty bad, but hers are like a trainwreck. I'd really like to see her get it together.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Green-Eyed Monster
Now that I'm in my late 30s, I feel as if I'm going through a bit of a transition in regards to my friendships. I know that I've changed a lot over the past few years, maybe even more so than the time between high school and college, and when I was in my 20s. That said, I've made some wonderful new friends and have lost others. I'm told that this is normal, that everyone goes through this type of change, but it seems to be happening all at once. I tend to be loyal to a fault when it comes to maintaining friendships, so it always hurts when I lose touch with someone. Still, I'm trying to do more to appreciate the friends that have stayed with me.
One thing I've come to value in my friendships, besides stability, is positivity. I like being around positive, creative people who inspire me to be the same way. I'm not saying that they should never complain or be upset -- that would be ridiculous -- but the people I find myself gravitating toward lately are those who tend to stay upbeat, even when the odds are against them.
I think we've all known people who are "emotional vampires," who are constantly involved in drama and who tend to use their friends for whatever purpose. I admit, I used to be like this. When I was in high school and even college, I was depressed all the time. I used to whine about not having a boyfriend, not being pretty enough, not being popular enough, etc. Then I wondered why people didn't want to be around me! Worse, I always wanted what others had, especially when it came to romance. I felt as if I were useless because I didn't have a boyfriend and resented my friends who did. I remember that my now sister-in-law and her then boyfriend were up for the "cutest couple" reward on our floor and I purposefully didn't vote for them because I was angry that they were together and I was alone. What kind of friend was I? I was being jealous and petty, and wished she could be miserable like me.
I've felt this way when it comes to weight, too. Lani, my friend since childhood, has lost a lot of weight over the years, but when she first started dropping pounds, I - I'm ashamed to admit -- was jealous. When people complimented her, I'd be like, "Why can't that be me?" but she worked hard to get thin. And when I was training for the 20-mile walk a few years ago, I found myself becoming envious of my friend Scott because he rund marathons. I wished I could be as athletic as him. Again, he worked hard at being in shape and would constantly tell me, "Stop comparing yourself to other people."
Then there have been my reactions to others' life changes. When my sister-in-law became pregnant, I worried that she'd be favored by the family for giving them a grandchild and that I'd be left in the cold. But it hasn't been like that at all. Having a niece is fun and I've found other ways to bond with my in-laws. And again, I know that my SIL works hard to be a good mom. I've felt a pang when other friends have announced pregnancies, as well, but when you're a parent, you NEED adult friends. Yes, their lives may have changed, but I've learned to adjust and relish my "new" role in it. Kids are time-consuming, but almost all of my mommy friends also cherish the time they get to be with me or other girlfriends.
These days, I'm making an effort to not be jealous of others. It's such a negative emotion and it usually doesn't get you anything except resentment. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the things that are positive about myself and turn my envy into admiration and support of others. It's been great because, as cliche as this sounds, when you're happy for other people, you feel happier. I don't want to be angry with friends for having more money or a better job or whatever; I want to celebrate their accomplishments. In turn, I like being around people who have a similar outlook, who are happy for me when things turn out well.
I truly believe that the more positivity I include in my life, the easier it will be for me to focus on my weight loss. I've built up so much negativity over the years, it's literally crushing me in pounds of fat. I'm determined to fight it and improve my mental and physical health.
One thing I've come to value in my friendships, besides stability, is positivity. I like being around positive, creative people who inspire me to be the same way. I'm not saying that they should never complain or be upset -- that would be ridiculous -- but the people I find myself gravitating toward lately are those who tend to stay upbeat, even when the odds are against them.
I think we've all known people who are "emotional vampires," who are constantly involved in drama and who tend to use their friends for whatever purpose. I admit, I used to be like this. When I was in high school and even college, I was depressed all the time. I used to whine about not having a boyfriend, not being pretty enough, not being popular enough, etc. Then I wondered why people didn't want to be around me! Worse, I always wanted what others had, especially when it came to romance. I felt as if I were useless because I didn't have a boyfriend and resented my friends who did. I remember that my now sister-in-law and her then boyfriend were up for the "cutest couple" reward on our floor and I purposefully didn't vote for them because I was angry that they were together and I was alone. What kind of friend was I? I was being jealous and petty, and wished she could be miserable like me.
I've felt this way when it comes to weight, too. Lani, my friend since childhood, has lost a lot of weight over the years, but when she first started dropping pounds, I - I'm ashamed to admit -- was jealous. When people complimented her, I'd be like, "Why can't that be me?" but she worked hard to get thin. And when I was training for the 20-mile walk a few years ago, I found myself becoming envious of my friend Scott because he rund marathons. I wished I could be as athletic as him. Again, he worked hard at being in shape and would constantly tell me, "Stop comparing yourself to other people."
Then there have been my reactions to others' life changes. When my sister-in-law became pregnant, I worried that she'd be favored by the family for giving them a grandchild and that I'd be left in the cold. But it hasn't been like that at all. Having a niece is fun and I've found other ways to bond with my in-laws. And again, I know that my SIL works hard to be a good mom. I've felt a pang when other friends have announced pregnancies, as well, but when you're a parent, you NEED adult friends. Yes, their lives may have changed, but I've learned to adjust and relish my "new" role in it. Kids are time-consuming, but almost all of my mommy friends also cherish the time they get to be with me or other girlfriends.
These days, I'm making an effort to not be jealous of others. It's such a negative emotion and it usually doesn't get you anything except resentment. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the things that are positive about myself and turn my envy into admiration and support of others. It's been great because, as cliche as this sounds, when you're happy for other people, you feel happier. I don't want to be angry with friends for having more money or a better job or whatever; I want to celebrate their accomplishments. In turn, I like being around people who have a similar outlook, who are happy for me when things turn out well.
I truly believe that the more positivity I include in my life, the easier it will be for me to focus on my weight loss. I've built up so much negativity over the years, it's literally crushing me in pounds of fat. I'm determined to fight it and improve my mental and physical health.
Happy Anniversary
It was exactly a year ago, April Fool's Day, 2010, that I broke my leg. I can't believe that so much time has passed already. I'm not 100 percent, but I can function and am getting stronger. I know that losing weight will help with my recovery.
I know it seems strange to call this a "happy" anniversary, but I'm grateful for many things. I'm glad that all I did was break my leg and not my neck; I'm glad that my job didn't give me a hard time about taking four months off; I'm glad that I had that time off to reflect on some things in my life, plus the time off gave me the opportunity to do a lot of writing and begin my jewelry venture.
The accident also made me change my perspective on some things. Some of the treatments I went through, like getting my bone popped in, hurt like hell, but I survived them. I survived the surgery. And for a brief time, I got to see what it's like being wheelchair bound. Obviously, I can't compare my situation to someone who is in a wheelchair for life, but I got a taste and it gave me a new respect for things many of us take advantage of. Since then, I've been happy just being able to do things like climb stairs or enter a restaurant or see a movie that's on the second floor. I still think about these things all the time.
I also find that I get less stressed about stuff, save for dealing with my parents. Before I broke my leg, I was thisclose to quitting my job and felt as if I weren't valued. Nowadays, I'm a lot more relaxed at work, even though I have more to do. This attitude has spread to other areas of my life, as well. When I'm with my friends, I like to laugh and celebrate the good things going on in my life rather than complain to them. Before I broke my leg, I was bitching to everyone about my job troubles and I'm sure that was tiresome. Now I'm making more of an effort to stay positive and to surround myself with positive people. In the past, I'd get jealous of friends -- because they were in better shape or had more money or had a new home -- but I'm taking more time to remind myself of what I DO have.
I'm definitely not perfect. There are days when I get very stressed our or angry, and when I complain about silly things. If you read through my entires when I was dealing with my broken leg, I complained often! But at least I've gained more self-awareness so that I can step back and deal with my problems. I hope I never break another bone, but if I had to do so, I'm glad that the incident had such a positive influence on my life.
I know it seems strange to call this a "happy" anniversary, but I'm grateful for many things. I'm glad that all I did was break my leg and not my neck; I'm glad that my job didn't give me a hard time about taking four months off; I'm glad that I had that time off to reflect on some things in my life, plus the time off gave me the opportunity to do a lot of writing and begin my jewelry venture.
The accident also made me change my perspective on some things. Some of the treatments I went through, like getting my bone popped in, hurt like hell, but I survived them. I survived the surgery. And for a brief time, I got to see what it's like being wheelchair bound. Obviously, I can't compare my situation to someone who is in a wheelchair for life, but I got a taste and it gave me a new respect for things many of us take advantage of. Since then, I've been happy just being able to do things like climb stairs or enter a restaurant or see a movie that's on the second floor. I still think about these things all the time.
I also find that I get less stressed about stuff, save for dealing with my parents. Before I broke my leg, I was thisclose to quitting my job and felt as if I weren't valued. Nowadays, I'm a lot more relaxed at work, even though I have more to do. This attitude has spread to other areas of my life, as well. When I'm with my friends, I like to laugh and celebrate the good things going on in my life rather than complain to them. Before I broke my leg, I was bitching to everyone about my job troubles and I'm sure that was tiresome. Now I'm making more of an effort to stay positive and to surround myself with positive people. In the past, I'd get jealous of friends -- because they were in better shape or had more money or had a new home -- but I'm taking more time to remind myself of what I DO have.
I'm definitely not perfect. There are days when I get very stressed our or angry, and when I complain about silly things. If you read through my entires when I was dealing with my broken leg, I complained often! But at least I've gained more self-awareness so that I can step back and deal with my problems. I hope I never break another bone, but if I had to do so, I'm glad that the incident had such a positive influence on my life.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Does This Fat Make My Ass Look Big?
Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think that men obsess over their bodies the same way that women do. Sure, many wish they were thinner or had more muscles, but the guys I know don't stare at themselves and dissect every body part either.
Today, while Karen and I were at the gym, we made the mistake of turning to look at ourselves in the mirror while we were on the ellipticals. Given that we were both a) wearing gym clothes and were sweaty and b) positioned at an unflattering angle, this was a really dumb idea. Needless to say, we both began to complain about how big our asses are (for the record, hers is just fine).
"I feel sorry for the person working out behind me," she sighed.
"Don't worry, they're probably too busy staring at me," I said.
The truth is, I don't think anyone cared about us at all because they were too busy working out themselves. Still, I took a look around to check out everyone else's asses (yeah, I'm like that). And they, not so surprisingly, came in all shapes and sizes. In fact, there were a lot of overweight people there, so my ass really wasn't all that special!
Later, I worked out on the bike. I still can't pedal quickly enough for it to register me, but I stayed on for 15 minutes, which is an accomplishment in itself. I like the bike because it's in the center of the gym, so I can people-watch as I exercise. Some people do very strange stuff. There was this teeny, tiny, itty-bitty slip of a woman who looked as if she could be a gymnast. She literally pulled one leg up behind her head and then held that pose for about a minute. She then did a handstand and stayed that way for a while. I was sort of intrigued by her unusual routine, but the jealous part of me hated her for being so thin and obviously fit.
Then there was a man who'd do one curl on the weight machine, get up walk around for five minutes, go back and do another curl, and so on. Is there a point? I know you have to wait between sets, but this seemed to be taking this to extremes.
Regardless, I've had a successful two weeks at the gym and can already feel some slight differences in the way I move. Karen even commented that it looked as if I were having fewer problems getting up the stairs.
I'm not nearly ready for Greece, but I am getting there one step at a time -- literally. My fat ass is moving more than it has in a long time.
Today, while Karen and I were at the gym, we made the mistake of turning to look at ourselves in the mirror while we were on the ellipticals. Given that we were both a) wearing gym clothes and were sweaty and b) positioned at an unflattering angle, this was a really dumb idea. Needless to say, we both began to complain about how big our asses are (for the record, hers is just fine).
"I feel sorry for the person working out behind me," she sighed.
"Don't worry, they're probably too busy staring at me," I said.
The truth is, I don't think anyone cared about us at all because they were too busy working out themselves. Still, I took a look around to check out everyone else's asses (yeah, I'm like that). And they, not so surprisingly, came in all shapes and sizes. In fact, there were a lot of overweight people there, so my ass really wasn't all that special!
Later, I worked out on the bike. I still can't pedal quickly enough for it to register me, but I stayed on for 15 minutes, which is an accomplishment in itself. I like the bike because it's in the center of the gym, so I can people-watch as I exercise. Some people do very strange stuff. There was this teeny, tiny, itty-bitty slip of a woman who looked as if she could be a gymnast. She literally pulled one leg up behind her head and then held that pose for about a minute. She then did a handstand and stayed that way for a while. I was sort of intrigued by her unusual routine, but the jealous part of me hated her for being so thin and obviously fit.
Then there was a man who'd do one curl on the weight machine, get up walk around for five minutes, go back and do another curl, and so on. Is there a point? I know you have to wait between sets, but this seemed to be taking this to extremes.
Regardless, I've had a successful two weeks at the gym and can already feel some slight differences in the way I move. Karen even commented that it looked as if I were having fewer problems getting up the stairs.
I'm not nearly ready for Greece, but I am getting there one step at a time -- literally. My fat ass is moving more than it has in a long time.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Gearing Up For A Workout
I've made up my mind to join the gym this week. They're having a reasonable online special at the moment, so I can definitely afford it and this Bally's is right near my home, so distance isn't an issue. It's just a matter of getting my butt to the gym a few times a week. Karen says that she'll go with me, but I have these fears of people laughing at the fat chick as she attempts to work out. I know they probably won't care one way or the other, but I'm still worried about this. Silly, I know.
To get myself into the mood, I ordered some workout gear: a T-shirt and stretchy black capri pants. The only "workout" clothes I own right now are ripped T-shirts and mangled sweats that are way, too tight, so I figured that I'd feel more comfortable if I at least look presentable.
I've also tried to map out a reasonable workout for myself. The last time I belonged to a gym, I could easily do 90 minutes on the elliptical. Obviously, I can't do that now, but there are plenty of other machines that I can work on. I can do the bike, the rowing machine, the treadmill ... if I do five minutes on each, just to start, and then add in some weights, that's a decent workout. Then I can work my way up. There's nothing wrong with only doing a few minutes on each piece of equipment until I can do more. From what I remember, I built up strength fairly quickly the last time I was at the gym.
I think that these are reasonable goals as I prepare for our Greece trip. There, I'll need to be able to walk up some hills and maneuver narrow, stone streets. I'd like to be able to enjoy the city, to be able to take in the views and just have fun walking around. I don't want to be in pain for this trip and I know that if I went right now, it would be a disaster. I NEED to get in shape so that I can finally get some of my life back and having this trip as a goal is a good place to start.
To get myself into the mood, I ordered some workout gear: a T-shirt and stretchy black capri pants. The only "workout" clothes I own right now are ripped T-shirts and mangled sweats that are way, too tight, so I figured that I'd feel more comfortable if I at least look presentable.
I've also tried to map out a reasonable workout for myself. The last time I belonged to a gym, I could easily do 90 minutes on the elliptical. Obviously, I can't do that now, but there are plenty of other machines that I can work on. I can do the bike, the rowing machine, the treadmill ... if I do five minutes on each, just to start, and then add in some weights, that's a decent workout. Then I can work my way up. There's nothing wrong with only doing a few minutes on each piece of equipment until I can do more. From what I remember, I built up strength fairly quickly the last time I was at the gym.
I think that these are reasonable goals as I prepare for our Greece trip. There, I'll need to be able to walk up some hills and maneuver narrow, stone streets. I'd like to be able to enjoy the city, to be able to take in the views and just have fun walking around. I don't want to be in pain for this trip and I know that if I went right now, it would be a disaster. I NEED to get in shape so that I can finally get some of my life back and having this trip as a goal is a good place to start.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Signs Of Spring
It was unseasonably warm today in NYC -- which was fine with me! After enduring the winter from hell, I was happy to have this balmy day. I don't like very hot weather, but I do love the spring. It made me happy to get a taste of it this afternoon.
It occurred to me this week that I've been going to therapy for about a year now. I've seen counselors in the past, but this is the longest I've ever stuck with a program. There are some days when I'm not sure that I really need the help or that I've changed much; but then there are other times when I realize that I've become a lot more calm. And it definitely helped me deal with my broken leg.
I'm almost afraid to write this because I don't want to jinx anything, but right now I'm pretty satisfied with my life. I have good friends, a great husband, a decent family and an exciting new business venture. The one really bad thing is my weight. If I can ever manage to get it under control, I don't think my life will be perfect -- not even close -- but it will definitely be fuller. And if I'm satisfied with the state of things now, I imagine that I'll have a lot more fun when I'm able to dance again or go hiking or walk around a new city without experiencing back pain.
This is why I keep going to therapy, even on those good days. I'm slowly putting my life together, piece by piece. I don't think it'll be completed until, well, I'm dead, but I'm going to keep building myself up.
It occurred to me this week that I've been going to therapy for about a year now. I've seen counselors in the past, but this is the longest I've ever stuck with a program. There are some days when I'm not sure that I really need the help or that I've changed much; but then there are other times when I realize that I've become a lot more calm. And it definitely helped me deal with my broken leg.
I'm almost afraid to write this because I don't want to jinx anything, but right now I'm pretty satisfied with my life. I have good friends, a great husband, a decent family and an exciting new business venture. The one really bad thing is my weight. If I can ever manage to get it under control, I don't think my life will be perfect -- not even close -- but it will definitely be fuller. And if I'm satisfied with the state of things now, I imagine that I'll have a lot more fun when I'm able to dance again or go hiking or walk around a new city without experiencing back pain.
This is why I keep going to therapy, even on those good days. I'm slowly putting my life together, piece by piece. I don't think it'll be completed until, well, I'm dead, but I'm going to keep building myself up.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Catch Me If You Can...
Now that my birthweek is over, I've been able to get back to normal eating. I did well this week, having a lot of vegetables and few sweets. I was very disapointed because the health food restaurant from which I usually order my lunch has stopped offering their brussel sprouts! Instead, they've switched over to their winter veggies, cauliflower and carrots. I ordered them and they were tasty (the cauliflower is grilled with ginger and the carrots have some kind of spicy marinade), but it's just not the same. I guess I'll have to get some brussel sprouts from the store and figure out how to cook them so that they don't taste like feet.
Yesterday, I ordered in from a different place and got a slice of spinach quiche with a side salad. I felt so bloated afterward! I've been eating less bread and fewer carbs and I could feel the difference when I had a heavy thing like quiche. I was ready to take a nap right at my desk. I'm going to stick with the "cleaner" foods that aren't made with flour and sugar and oil, or whatever else.
I still have a long way to go with walking, but I am getting faster and am able to move better. On Tuesday, it was about 40 degrees F in the morning, so I went out with my denim jacket. I have a heavier coat that makes me look like an Eskimo, but I only like to wear it on very cold days. It's big and bulky, and pretty annoying. Scott says that I look like that little kid from A Christmas Story who was so bundled up that he couldn't put his arms down.
Anyway, the temperature dropped about 30 degrees during the day so when I went home that night, I was FREEZING. I seriously thought I was going to be flash frozen as I waited for the bus, and no wonder, it was literally about 10 degrees F outside. Once I got off the bus, I was only a block away from my home, but I wanted to get there as quickly as possible. I walked SO fast. I mean, I didn't even think I had it in me, but damn it, I wanted to be inside. When I got there, one of my neighbors saw me coming and held the door for me. I guess she last saw me in the wheelchair because she said, "Wow, you can walk -- and you're walking fast!" I was like, "Yeah, it's a miracle!" But I now know that when pushed, I can speed walk, at least for short distances. I don't think I'd be able to escape a monster if one were to chase me, but I'd at least have a fighting start...
Yesterday, I ordered in from a different place and got a slice of spinach quiche with a side salad. I felt so bloated afterward! I've been eating less bread and fewer carbs and I could feel the difference when I had a heavy thing like quiche. I was ready to take a nap right at my desk. I'm going to stick with the "cleaner" foods that aren't made with flour and sugar and oil, or whatever else.
I still have a long way to go with walking, but I am getting faster and am able to move better. On Tuesday, it was about 40 degrees F in the morning, so I went out with my denim jacket. I have a heavier coat that makes me look like an Eskimo, but I only like to wear it on very cold days. It's big and bulky, and pretty annoying. Scott says that I look like that little kid from A Christmas Story who was so bundled up that he couldn't put his arms down.
Anyway, the temperature dropped about 30 degrees during the day so when I went home that night, I was FREEZING. I seriously thought I was going to be flash frozen as I waited for the bus, and no wonder, it was literally about 10 degrees F outside. Once I got off the bus, I was only a block away from my home, but I wanted to get there as quickly as possible. I walked SO fast. I mean, I didn't even think I had it in me, but damn it, I wanted to be inside. When I got there, one of my neighbors saw me coming and held the door for me. I guess she last saw me in the wheelchair because she said, "Wow, you can walk -- and you're walking fast!" I was like, "Yeah, it's a miracle!" But I now know that when pushed, I can speed walk, at least for short distances. I don't think I'd be able to escape a monster if one were to chase me, but I'd at least have a fighting start...
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