Step Out Walk For Diabetes

Today was the 5-mile Step Out Walk for diabetes. It went really well. I trained so much for the event, but I never feel quite ready the day before I do any of these walks. Still, once we got to South Street Seaport, I was ready to go and I maintained that energy all through the walk. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and I loved taking in the view as we marched over th Brooklyn Bridge.

I've done walks for suicide prevention, the March Of Dimes, leukemia, autism, but this time, I was doing a walk for something that affects me so I had even more motivation to complete it. Plus, this was the most I've walked since I had my ankle surgery, so I felt as if I were beating two health issues.

Over 3000 people participated, which was great, especially since so much money was raised for the American Diabetes Association. There were people of every type there: kids, babies, elderly, even two guys who did the entire walk on stilts! The atmosphere was festive at Pier 17 and everyone was dancing as a live band played.

Still, there were reminders of how deadly diabetes can be and that hit home for me. There were several teams walking in honor of a loved one who'd died from the disease. There was one guy who was blind and had obviously lost his sight from diabetes. There were several people in wheelchairs or who were limping because diabetes had robbed them of their ability to walk. Scary stuff. I admired these people for going ahead with a major walk and at the same time was thankful that I'm in decent health -- for now, anyway.

I really need to keep my health intact now; that's the trick. Between the diabetes and my thyroid issues, I feel like I'm juggling six balls in the air, but my blood sugar, liver, vision, legs and heart are all in good shape (knock on wood). Walking today in the bright sunshine reinfornced for me how fortunate I am to be healthy when just months ago, I was steps away from being in the hospital.

That said, I'm already thinking about the future and what I'm going to do to stay well and stay steps ahead of my disease. Eating is going very well. I'm still enjoying a lot of vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Today' menu was a little odd because I had three power bars during the walk, but that was necessary to give me energy. The rest of the time, though, I've been staying away from treats and have been having yogurt for dessert.

I'd also like to continue walking. I have a bad habit of doing a big walk and then slacking off, but I won't do that this time. I'm already looking into the next walk and am planning ahead for the spring. We have a big wedding coming up in Nigeria, believe it or not, so I want to be in good shape for traveling to such an exotic place.

But today was a great way to get going! I'm proud of the work I've done since getting diagnosed, and was happy to celebrate in such a positive environment.

Equal Footing

I love traveling with Jon, but I often feel as if I'm holding him back. He's very active and has recently lost a lot of weight, so he wants to go, go, go. I, on the other hand, still have mobility issues. I'm a lot more active than I was a few months ago and definitely a year ago, but it's still difficult for me to hike or go boating, or do any of that outdoorsy stuff that he loves. Right now we're on vacation and he really wanted to go hiking or boating today, but it was 85 degrees and about 99 percent humidity outside, so I turned him down. I could tell that he was disappointed.

What's frustrating is that I feel like I'm always a step behind, even during the times when I've been in better shape. When we went to Moab in 2003, I trained for that trip and could do the simple hikes ... but didn't feel up to doing the tougher walks through the rock formations. In 2006/2007, I was in pretty decent shape as I'd lost a lot of weight and was training for that 20-mile walk. Still, when we were in New Zealand, I didn't feel up to climbing a glacier and jumping over crevasse. I did a lot of other things, like hike and walk around some interesting geothermal parks, but I was still disappointed in myself. Jon reminded me that I did accomplish some difficult hikes, but I wished I could do more. I mean, how ften was I going to be in NZ and get a chance to climb a glacier?

Then in 2008, when I began to gain a lot of the weight back, we went to Florida. Jon went swimming with manatees on an eco tour, but I didn't want to squeeze my ass into a wet suit. Instead, I sat on the boat and watched him have a great time. Happily, a bunch of manatees came up to us, but again, I felt disappointed that I wasn't able to participate more.

And now we're away and again, I feel that nagging sense that I'm not doing enough. For the record, Jon never pressures me or makes me feel bad about my limitations, but it's frustrating to me that that they're there. I want to be lean and spry enough that I can hike or climb glaciers or sit in a canoe without having to worry about my joints or my circulation or my blood sugar.

Still, I'm appreciative of the fact that I have been a lot of places and try to concentrate on that instead. Maybe I didn't climb the glacier, but I did hike alongside it on the trail. I did get to see the manatees in their natural environment. I made it up to the top of the Parthenon in Greece, even though it was a very difficult walk for me. I know that a lot of people want to travel and can't, or don't, or won't, so at least I'm *trying* to live my life the way I want.

Today was a little weird because we went to the Poconos Garlic Festival in the morning. I figured that there would be at least some foods I could eat, but everything was crap -- sweet or fried or greasy or drenched in sauce. I was *really* on track: I had a couple of cheese curds, a pickle and little tastes of Jon's garlic funnel cake, garlic cookie and chocolate-dipped garlic. But I stayed away from all the junk. Because I ate so little, my blood sugar ended up dropping to 60. Yikes! I found it rather annoying that my body reacted to me NOT eating the unhealthy foods.

I guess the point of this post is that I'm doing the best I can, and I have to remember that. I might not be up to hiking in hot, humid weather, but I can now walk two miles pretty easily. And I may not be the fittest or most adventurous traveler, but I make a point to try new things. One day my body will catch up with my spirit and then hopefully, Jon will finally have a traveling companion who can keep up with him.

Roll With It, Baby

First, the good news: my blood sugar was down to 89 this morning -- a new low! It would be great if it could settle in the 80s or 90s, and I can keep it there.

I'm still doing well with food. Jon cooked a diabetic lamb curry for me tonight. There ARE plenty of things that I can eat that are low in carbs and fat; it's just a matter of changing some ingredients. We got the recipe from a great Web site called D-Life

Meantime, I signed up for the Step Out Diabetes Walk, which is on October 23. It's five miles, so I need to begin training in earnest. I can do about two miles now, with some stops, but I want to be able to do the five miles in about two hours. Right now, it would take me about four, which is way too long. Jon and some friends are joining us, so it'll be like a little party as we cross the Brooklyn Bridge!

The bad news is that things are still shaky between myself and my parents. On the one hand, they jumped at the chance to take me to a doctor's appointment this week, which I appreciate. It's good to know that I can depend on them. But my mom and dad are still in freak out/lecture mode, respectively. My therapist is always urging me to let their comments roll off my back, but it's difficult when it's my parents. I feel like I'm confident in most areas of my life, but they still know how to push my buttons and make me crazy. I wish I knew a better way to deal with them without having to cut them out. I feel like half this blog is a rant against my parents and I hate that. Most of the time I manage to stay positive -- even after I broke my leg or got this latest diagnosis -- and most people will tell you that I'm a generally optimistic person. But my parents have this way of turning me into a blubbering, fucked up, 12-year-old mess. If I can ever get over that, that will be my biggest victory of all.