Visit With The Nutritionist

On Thursday, I finally had my visit with the nutritionist who specializes in dealing with diabetic eating plans. I signed up to meet with her months ago, but she was so booked up, she couldn't see me until December. Happily, she was worth the wait.

First off, I'm down another three pounds, making it 13 altogether since I was weighed at the doctor's (this is what I'm counting from). I've been losing about 1- 1 1/2 lbs a week, which the nutritionist was pleased with. My old doctor probably would've been like, "You should be losing faster, here take some drugs." This woman was very non-judgmental and supporitve, and appreciated that I've been losing at a steady (if slow) rate. We talked it over and decided to cut one of my med doses (the glimiperide)in half. I'm now taking two pills instead of four. I also expressed my concerns about starting Victoza and she understood why I want to put that off. She didn't try to push it on me, which I like.

For the most part, she approved of my day-to-day menu. She was happy to see that I eat a lot of veggies and lean meats, and that I don't rely too much on "sugar free" versions of cakes and cookies. She did make a few tweaks, though:

According to her, I've been eating too many carbs at breakfast and too few at dinner, so she advised me to reverse that. She suggested that I have cereal OR toast at breakfast and then add in something like brown rice or quinoa to my evening meal.

She also suggested that I eat smaller meals, more often, to keep my blood sugar from dipping, as it's been. So she has me eating basically every two hours (main meals with snacks).

She liked that I eat a lot of Greek yogurt because it's so nutritious and has fewer carbs than regular yogurt. However, she told me that I'm better off buying fat-free plain Greek yogurt and then add in fruit. She says that the "fruit" that's in yogurts is basically syrup.

She also told me that I'm not getting enough good fats in my diet and should include more things like nuts, avocados and olive oil. She recommended that I eat Kind bars as a snack once a day. They're nut-based bars that are diabetes friendly. I had them at the diabetes walk and liked them. They sell them in our office cafeteria, too.

This is really interesting: she noted that insulin can actually make you GAIN weight and therefore it's really important for diabetics to keep things even and pay attention to what we eat, when. Her plan is helping me space out the carbs so I don't hit those highs and lows -- and will help me lose weight, too.

Finally, she suggested that I try the 20 percent challenge. The idea is to increase your movemement 20 percent over a period of time until you're taking about five miles worth of steps A DAY. That's a lot, but if you walk around the office the long way, you can get in a few hundred steps. I've ordered a pedometer and per her advice, am going to start doing 2000 steps a day and then work my way up.

Overall, it was a really good visit. It felt good to know that I've been eating correctly, but she also gave me a lot of new, useful information. I'm looking forward to getting my pedometer next week and starting this new challenge. I like the idea of having something that keeps track all day ... it satisfies the obsessive in me, LOL.

If any readers want to join me in this challenge, let me know in the comments. It will be interesting to compare our journeys.

Important Decision

Well, I survived the weekend of three Thanksgivings relatively unscathed. I had a great time seeing friends and relatives and didn't go crazy with my eating at all. I was a little worried beforehand that I'd feel left out when it came to avoiding huge mounds of mashed potatoes and sugary desserts, but food was just one part of the weekend. Most of my time was spent catching up with my loved ones, which is how it should be. The food was yummy, but was more of an afterthought.

It's been unseasonably warm in NY this holiday so I've done a lot of walking. I was feeling tired yesterday, but forced myself to get outside for a few hours because it was so beautiful out. I'm glad that I did! Jon noted that I'm having to stop fewer times when we walk and that my stride is getting quicker. I can almost keep up with him at this point.

Though I've lost enough weight to have dropped a full size in the past few months, I still think of myself as being a much bigger person. I recently ordered new clothes in sizes 4X and 5X ... and they're huge on me to the point that they look ridiculous. I ended up buying some other outfits in 3x, which look better and are more comfortable because they're not hanging off of me. Jon says that I look thinner in the fitted clothing, as well.

Because I am still very overweight, I'm at a stage where I'm a bit surprised when people notice the weight loss -- even though the compliments are much appreciated, of course. When I was decorating my friends' tree on Friday, my friend's husband was watching me hang ornaments and asked, "Have you weighed yourself lately? I can see from the side that you've lost a lot since we last saw each other." I explained how my scale won't register me yet and it's a goal of mine to get to a point where it does. He was like, "But that's stupid. My digital scale says 'error' all of the time. Just buy a regular scale!" He's right, of course. I'm seeing a nutritionist in a few days, though, so I'll get a very accurate reading there. It'll be an awesome way to end the year if I finally make it back into the 200s. And yes, I know, I need a new scale. I'm ordering one today, in fact.

Meanwhile, I've made an important decision: I'm going to hold off a little longer in starting the Victoza injections. Victoza is prescribed to Type II diabetics because it lowers blood sugar, but it also aids with weight loss. Now you may be thinking, "Is she crazy? Why is she not jumping at the chance to take this miracle cure?" However, I've put a lot of thought into this decision and feel that it's the right one -- for now, anyway.

1. My blood sugar does not need to be lowered at the moment. If anything, it's been dipping TOO low rather frequently. Next time I see my doctor I'm going to talk to her about lowering my insulin because I've had a couple of scares with my bs suddenly dropping. Victoza seems to work for people whose bs is high, even with insulin. I'm nervous that I could end up making myself seriously ill if I take it on top of insulin and Metformin.

2. Victoza makes many people feel queasy and ill, at least for a while. I have too much to do and can't afford being sick right now. It also curbs your appetite to the point where many people need to remind themselves to eat. Since I'm already having to do this as I'm getting full so easily these days, again, this seems like it could be dangerous. I need to remind myself to eat frequently so that my bs doesn't drop ... and the last thing I need is for me to be vomiting up my food as my bs drops even more.

3. Victoza is a relatively new drug. It's only been on the market as an FDA approved substance for about two years and the longterm side effects are unknown. Studies have also shown that it can cause thyroid cancer. The unknown aspect of it makes me a bit nervous. I'd like to know how it might affect me down the road.

4. In reading reviews, several people have complained that it was a "miracle" drug at first because it curbed their appetites and they lost weight quickly. But after a few months went by, it stopped working, they felt hungrier than ever and the weight came back.

5. My doctor stressed that I don't really NEED Victoza, that it's just a possible weight loss aid worth checking out. If I needed it, I'd be on it already. I mean, I didn't question having to inject insulin because I knew it was necessary, and I haven't hesitated before taking any of the other NECESSARY pills that I'm on. I'm already taking about a dozen different things and I'd rather not take anything extra if I don't have to.

That said, I'm not against taking Victoza in the future. If I'm weaned off insulin and my blood sugar starts rising again, this seems like it could be a useful medication. If my weight loss continues to be glacially slow and my thyroid meds stop working, again, Victoza seems like it could help. But for now, I believe that it has the potential to hurt me more than help me so I'm waiting to use it. It's easy to just grab any "miracle" cure that's out there, but I also think it's very important to do research and weigh (no pun intended) the pros and cons. I'm open to changing my program, but for now what I'm doing is working.

P.S. I just ordered my new scale! It weighs up to 440lbs, so I should be set. Hopefully, it will arrive within the next few days.

Step Out Walk For Diabetes

Today was the 5-mile Step Out Walk for diabetes. It went really well. I trained so much for the event, but I never feel quite ready the day before I do any of these walks. Still, once we got to South Street Seaport, I was ready to go and I maintained that energy all through the walk. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and I loved taking in the view as we marched over th Brooklyn Bridge.

I've done walks for suicide prevention, the March Of Dimes, leukemia, autism, but this time, I was doing a walk for something that affects me so I had even more motivation to complete it. Plus, this was the most I've walked since I had my ankle surgery, so I felt as if I were beating two health issues.

Over 3000 people participated, which was great, especially since so much money was raised for the American Diabetes Association. There were people of every type there: kids, babies, elderly, even two guys who did the entire walk on stilts! The atmosphere was festive at Pier 17 and everyone was dancing as a live band played.

Still, there were reminders of how deadly diabetes can be and that hit home for me. There were several teams walking in honor of a loved one who'd died from the disease. There was one guy who was blind and had obviously lost his sight from diabetes. There were several people in wheelchairs or who were limping because diabetes had robbed them of their ability to walk. Scary stuff. I admired these people for going ahead with a major walk and at the same time was thankful that I'm in decent health -- for now, anyway.

I really need to keep my health intact now; that's the trick. Between the diabetes and my thyroid issues, I feel like I'm juggling six balls in the air, but my blood sugar, liver, vision, legs and heart are all in good shape (knock on wood). Walking today in the bright sunshine reinfornced for me how fortunate I am to be healthy when just months ago, I was steps away from being in the hospital.

That said, I'm already thinking about the future and what I'm going to do to stay well and stay steps ahead of my disease. Eating is going very well. I'm still enjoying a lot of vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Today' menu was a little odd because I had three power bars during the walk, but that was necessary to give me energy. The rest of the time, though, I've been staying away from treats and have been having yogurt for dessert.

I'd also like to continue walking. I have a bad habit of doing a big walk and then slacking off, but I won't do that this time. I'm already looking into the next walk and am planning ahead for the spring. We have a big wedding coming up in Nigeria, believe it or not, so I want to be in good shape for traveling to such an exotic place.

But today was a great way to get going! I'm proud of the work I've done since getting diagnosed, and was happy to celebrate in such a positive environment.

Update And Interesting News

Had a very positive visit with the endicronologist last week. All of my numbers are down, including my blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure and liver/kidney values. Also, my A1C (the three month blood sugar average) went from a scary 13 to a 9. 7 is normal, but I'll get it there the next time. My doctor says that she never saw an improvement like this before and that I should be proud of the work I've done.

Unfortunately, my weight stayed about the same, despite the overhaul in my diet and the training for the walk. BUT there's a good reason ... apparently, I have an underactive thyroid. It actually came up in my last blood test, but my doctor didn't want to put me on too many pills at once, especially since my blood sugar was in an emergency zone. However, she says I've probably had thyroid problems for years. This would explain why I gain weight so easily and the only time I ever lost a significant amount was when I was training for the 20-mile walk and logging 90 minutes on the elliptical several times a week. I've started taking medicine for the condition; hopefully, my body will start functioning sometime soon. I'm glad that my health has improved from my last visit, but it's frustrating to know that several of my organs need pills to work properly.

It does help to know exactly what's going on with my body and to be able to take the proper medication to correct it (it's pretty amazing how a few pills can get you back to normal). Still, when it comes to my weight gain, I'm not blameless. Yes, my metabolism really is messed up right now, but my thyroid didn't make me eat entire cartons of Ben & Jerrys or full boxes of cereal during my past binges. It didn't force pepperoni pizza down my throat!

Now that I'm exercising, eating better and taking meds to keep my body in check, I'm looking forward to everything finally working as it's supposed to. I'm not expecting a miracle, just good health.

A Little Bit Of Nothing

I think the cleaning marathon got to me because I completely CRASHED this afternoon. I took a nap on the couch, then awoke with the intent to go walking with Jon -- but just couldn't move. I felt as if a block of lead were holding me down.

On the one hand, I'm disappointed in myself because I really do need to keep up with the walking. The diabetes event is three weeks away and I want to enjoy it. I don't want to be whining or in pain the entire time because I didn't train enough. However, my body was obviously trying to tell me something because I haven't crashed like that in a couple of months. I have been doing a lot between walking, cleaning, preparing for my upcoming jewelry show and well, working full time, so I guess I needed a day of rest.

The trick to lving healthfully, though, is to keep at it. Sure, I might have had a bad day today, but I can't let tomorrow become another one. I'm already planning to walk or go to the gym after work. And I'm already at a point where I can comfortably walk three miles, so the five mile event doesn't seem that daunting. I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a race; it's a walk to raise money for people like me -- people who have diabetes. Plus, I'll be with a nice group of friends. Perhaps we'll be the last group to cross the finish line, but if it's a nice day, we'll just get that much more fresh air.

I'm trying not to be so hard on myself. I can't be the perfect model of fitness every day, especially when I'm not feeling 100 percent, but I can keep doing the best that I can.

One Foot Forward...

It's about a month and a half until my diabetes walk and the training is going well. Today, Jon and I did a three mile loop around the neighborhood. The weather was great and it felt really good to be moving; the hills are getting easier to conquer and I'm having to stop less often. I feel like I'll be very prepared for five miles by the end of October if I keep this up. I'd still like to get some more speed in my walking. I can comfortably go about two miles an hour, which is rather slow. I'd like to get up to 2.5 miles and hour so I can finish the event in two. I doubt that the friends whom I'm walking with are going to want to wait all day for me.

My eating and weight loss efforts are going well, too. More people are noticing the weight loss. My friend Karen says that she can see it in my face. I still can't tell so much, but my clothes are getting kind of baggy. I ordered some new fall outfits in a size below what I'm wearing now so that I can shrink into them.

Even though I know I'm fat, I sometimes get a wake up call as to how large I really am. This happened when a friend posted video clips of her recent wedding. It was a beautiful occasion and I felt attractive that day; I was wearing a new dress that fit well and got a lot of compliments. However, when I saw myself on screen, I couldn't believe how HUGE I was! Not only that, but I looked bloated and deathly pale. Granted, my diabetes was out of control at the time, so that probably contributed to it, but I was still surprised. This was when I believed I looked good! Still, I know I've lost weight since then and Karen commented that the color is in my cheeks again. Plus, another friend sent me a photo from last week's party at Scott's and save for my double chin, I didn't look bad.

Honestly, though, I'm not obsessed with my looks. I know I'm not a beauty queen, but figure I'll look better as my health improves. Meantime, I'm enjoying this newfound energy that I have. After feeling so sluggish for months and months, actually wating to DO stuff is kind of a novelty. Today I woke up and finished a necklace I've been working on. We then went for our walk and finished off our evening with dinner and a movie. And now I'm writing a blog entry! Just a few months ago, I would've spent the weekend in bed or on the couch watching TV, but I got a lot done today -- and felt as if I were part of the world. Even when I was at the party last week, I had more energy and more of a sense that I was a part of things.

I have some friends who wake up early to go to the gym or to clean their homes, or to do whatever, and I never really understood that. I still like to sleep in on weekends, but no longer sleep the entire day away. I have much moe of a desire to get things done and to live my life rather than waste it.

Equal Footing

I love traveling with Jon, but I often feel as if I'm holding him back. He's very active and has recently lost a lot of weight, so he wants to go, go, go. I, on the other hand, still have mobility issues. I'm a lot more active than I was a few months ago and definitely a year ago, but it's still difficult for me to hike or go boating, or do any of that outdoorsy stuff that he loves. Right now we're on vacation and he really wanted to go hiking or boating today, but it was 85 degrees and about 99 percent humidity outside, so I turned him down. I could tell that he was disappointed.

What's frustrating is that I feel like I'm always a step behind, even during the times when I've been in better shape. When we went to Moab in 2003, I trained for that trip and could do the simple hikes ... but didn't feel up to doing the tougher walks through the rock formations. In 2006/2007, I was in pretty decent shape as I'd lost a lot of weight and was training for that 20-mile walk. Still, when we were in New Zealand, I didn't feel up to climbing a glacier and jumping over crevasse. I did a lot of other things, like hike and walk around some interesting geothermal parks, but I was still disappointed in myself. Jon reminded me that I did accomplish some difficult hikes, but I wished I could do more. I mean, how ften was I going to be in NZ and get a chance to climb a glacier?

Then in 2008, when I began to gain a lot of the weight back, we went to Florida. Jon went swimming with manatees on an eco tour, but I didn't want to squeeze my ass into a wet suit. Instead, I sat on the boat and watched him have a great time. Happily, a bunch of manatees came up to us, but again, I felt disappointed that I wasn't able to participate more.

And now we're away and again, I feel that nagging sense that I'm not doing enough. For the record, Jon never pressures me or makes me feel bad about my limitations, but it's frustrating to me that that they're there. I want to be lean and spry enough that I can hike or climb glaciers or sit in a canoe without having to worry about my joints or my circulation or my blood sugar.

Still, I'm appreciative of the fact that I have been a lot of places and try to concentrate on that instead. Maybe I didn't climb the glacier, but I did hike alongside it on the trail. I did get to see the manatees in their natural environment. I made it up to the top of the Parthenon in Greece, even though it was a very difficult walk for me. I know that a lot of people want to travel and can't, or don't, or won't, so at least I'm *trying* to live my life the way I want.

Today was a little weird because we went to the Poconos Garlic Festival in the morning. I figured that there would be at least some foods I could eat, but everything was crap -- sweet or fried or greasy or drenched in sauce. I was *really* on track: I had a couple of cheese curds, a pickle and little tastes of Jon's garlic funnel cake, garlic cookie and chocolate-dipped garlic. But I stayed away from all the junk. Because I ate so little, my blood sugar ended up dropping to 60. Yikes! I found it rather annoying that my body reacted to me NOT eating the unhealthy foods.

I guess the point of this post is that I'm doing the best I can, and I have to remember that. I might not be up to hiking in hot, humid weather, but I can now walk two miles pretty easily. And I may not be the fittest or most adventurous traveler, but I make a point to try new things. One day my body will catch up with my spirit and then hopefully, Jon will finally have a traveling companion who can keep up with him.

Size Matters

I'm getting thinner -- and what's weird is that I didn't realize just how much I've been slimming down.

In the past, I'd start a new diet or eating plan, and then become obsessed with the number on the scale. Sometimes I'd weigh myself a few times a day and then let it dictate my mood. This time, though, I'm avoiding the scale and going by appearance/clothing size instead. I was weighed at the doctor's a few weeks ago, and will see her in a couple of weeks when I will get weighed again on the same scale. So far, this "experiment" is working; I at least have an idea of my size, but am not consumed by it.

I also haven't been obsessed with eating, at least not with calorie counting. I now have to be very conscious of what I put in my mouth because my diabetes limits what I can eat somewhat, and I am determined to keep my blood sugar down. I had an eye exam last week that thankfully went well and the doctor said that I have better than 20/20 vision. But -- and this is a big but -- he stressed that in order to keep my eyes healthy, I need to carefully monitor my blood sugar. I really, really don't want to lose my sight, so any cravings are tempered by the thought of the diabetes making me blind in the future.

That said, I'm eating a lot and I'm eating well. I basically cut out all junk, including diet sodas. I eat a large salad with most meals and lots of healthy, lean meats, veggies, fruits and good proteins. The few carbs I do eat are "brown," such as whole wheat bread or whole grain cereal. I snack on low-fat cheese, almonds, yogurt and if I really want something sweet, sugar free Jell-O. I eat whenever I'm hungry, but watch my portions. I don't feel deprived and my cravings for sugar, which I can no longer have in large quantities, have subsided.

I like this way of eating because my menu is free of junk. Whenever I followed plans that involved counting calories or points, or whatever, I'd "work" the system so that I could have sweets. I'd allow a certain number of calories for a cupcake or exercise for enough minutes so that I could splurge on a cookie. Yes, I was sticking to the number of alloted calories, but I was wasting them on foods that aren't nutritious. I believe that things should be done in moderation so if I go to, say, a wedding and indulge in a piece of cake, it won't be the end of the world. But I'm not going to eat cake just because it's available -- especially if I can make a better choice. In a way, I like having to keep track of my blood sugar because my meter tells me right then and there how healthy my meal was. If I ate something that caused a spike, I know right away and make sure that I'm more careful at my next meal. My meter keeps me accountable.

I've also been walking several times a week. I'm training for that 5-mile walk that we're doing in October, but I'm also falling back in love with walking on its own. I can comfortably do about 2 miles at the moment, but I'm working my way up.

I've been following this plan for about a month now and can already feel the differences. I'm sleeping so much better, which for this lifetime insomniac, is a welcome blessing. I have more energy and am in a better mood. I used to spend my weekends sleeping, but now I want to the movies or take a walk or see friends. I even cleaned our apartment this past weekend when we were hiding out from Hurricane Irene. It was a disaster area, mainly due to me not having energy for months on end, but I cleaned up a good portion of the clutter. It felt good to get rid of the crap and matched what I'm doing for my body: cleaning up the mess.

I've been so happy with the internal changes that I've been experiencing -- sleeping better, having more energy -- that I haven't really thought much about my appearance. But the other day at work, one of my colleages suddenly said to me, "You know, you've lost a lot of weight, like 30-40 pounds. I can see it all over." Of course, he said it in front of everyone so I was a bit embarrassed. Still, it was sweet and especially appreciated coming from him since he's had a gastric bypass. However, it was very unexpected. I really didn't think that I've reached a point where my weight loss is noticeable so I was completely taken aback by the compliment.

Then when I was cleaning out my closet this weekend, I came across a cute pair of denim capris that I'd purchased online at the beginning of the summer. I think I got them for the 4th of July because they have little stars embroidered on the pockets. Unfortunately, they hadn't fit me at the time, so I threw them onto my growing pile of clothes and planned to send them back. Yesterday, out of curiosity, I tried them on -- and they fit. Really fit, like they're comfortable and look nice on me. I couldn't believe it. Just last month, I could barely pull them up over my thighs and now I can wear them.

To be honest, my success scares me a little. I've been successful at losing weight before, but have always failed. Now I have this bigger thing hanging over my head -- my diabetes -- so I really have to concentrate on keeping my blood sugar at a good number. Maybe, in a weird way, my diagnosis will turn out to be a positive thing and will be what helps me get my health back on track. Wouldn't that be ironic?

By the way, check out my diabetes blog: How Not Sweet It Is

Roll With It, Baby

First, the good news: my blood sugar was down to 89 this morning -- a new low! It would be great if it could settle in the 80s or 90s, and I can keep it there.

I'm still doing well with food. Jon cooked a diabetic lamb curry for me tonight. There ARE plenty of things that I can eat that are low in carbs and fat; it's just a matter of changing some ingredients. We got the recipe from a great Web site called D-Life

Meantime, I signed up for the Step Out Diabetes Walk, which is on October 23. It's five miles, so I need to begin training in earnest. I can do about two miles now, with some stops, but I want to be able to do the five miles in about two hours. Right now, it would take me about four, which is way too long. Jon and some friends are joining us, so it'll be like a little party as we cross the Brooklyn Bridge!

The bad news is that things are still shaky between myself and my parents. On the one hand, they jumped at the chance to take me to a doctor's appointment this week, which I appreciate. It's good to know that I can depend on them. But my mom and dad are still in freak out/lecture mode, respectively. My therapist is always urging me to let their comments roll off my back, but it's difficult when it's my parents. I feel like I'm confident in most areas of my life, but they still know how to push my buttons and make me crazy. I wish I knew a better way to deal with them without having to cut them out. I feel like half this blog is a rant against my parents and I hate that. Most of the time I manage to stay positive -- even after I broke my leg or got this latest diagnosis -- and most people will tell you that I'm a generally optimistic person. But my parents have this way of turning me into a blubbering, fucked up, 12-year-old mess. If I can ever get over that, that will be my biggest victory of all.

Be Prepared

When I was younger, I was a member of the Girl Scouts. Our motto was "Be prepared." It's been about 25 years since I was a part of that organization, but that sentiment holds true when it comes to a weight loss plan -- especially when you're a Type II diabetic like me.

I've now become obsessed with reading menus. I love Menu Pages (check it out online if you're in NYC) and enjoy checking out new, interesting restaurants. Now it's especially important for me to read through them because I can decide beforehand what I want to eat. Lately, I've been going through the menus of our favorite restaurants in the city to see which items are diabetes friendly. Happily, most have a few choices for me.

We spent last night at my in-laws so I made a point to be very prepared for the visit. I had my in-laws pick up some foods for me at the grocery store, then got the name of the restaurant where we'd be eating dinner. I then went online and checked out that diner's menu. Once there, I ordered a spinach salad with grilled chicken and an egg white omelet with spinach (no fries or bread). Everyone else ordered cake for dessert, but I had berries with cottage cheese and some herbal tea. I was pleased because I managed to keep my blood sugar low the entire day and I got to enjoy a nice, healthy meal with my family.

Today, I woke up with a nice, low blood sugar number: 97! We then relaxed and swam in my in-laws' pool. I'm not the greatest swimmer, but I treaded water for about a half hour. I actually feel this in my legs; they're a little sore from the pedaling motion. I like walking, but on a hot day like today, swimming is my favorite exercise.

I haven't weighed myself since my last doctor's visit a couple of weeks ago, but I can tell that I've lost weight. I see it in my face and my bathing suit has become huge on me! I always lose weight on top first, so the top part was hanging on me and I had to keep pulling up the straps. I'm debating whether I should buy a new suit before the season ends.

Tonight we had dinner in one of our favorite Afghan places, Bamiyan. I had a grilled chicken kabob, stewed pumpkin and brown rice. "Dessert" was then giner tea. I find it kind of amusing that my idea of dessert has changed from being chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate to fruit, sugar free Jell-O and tea. In fact, I haven't had anything chocolate in about three weeks. I think that's a record for me.

I was nervous about going away for the first time since getting my diagnosis, but being prepared definitely helped. So the next time you know that an activity is coming up, do what you can to control what you eat: brin snack to the movies or a party or make sure that there will be food that fits into your particular plan.

Oh, by the way, I have a new blog that focuses on my diabetes journey:

How Not Sweet It is: Type 2 Diabetes Blog:
http://hnsis-type2diabetes.blogspot.com/

Thanks, And An Update

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who's shown me support as I deal with my diagnosis. I got some nice comments on this blog and have had a lot of help from friends and loved ones, as well as my doctors. It's made things easier to deal with and has given me a lot of hope.

The good news is, I'm doing pretty well. My blood sugar is now down in the 100s (it even hit 96 the other night) and my doctor is pleased with my progress. My vision is blurry, most likely from my bs dropping so far and so rapidly, but I'm seeing an eye specialist in a few days. I can function with some over the counter reading glasses, though. I'm no longer (literally) dying of thirst, I'm sleeping better and am less fatigued.

Meanwhile, I've completely overhauled my eating: I'm having a lot of whole grains, fruits, veggies, lean means and low-fat dairy. For snacks, I have hummus or sugar free Jell-O. I eat every couple of hours and I don't feel hungry or deprived. I don't even miss sweets that much. When you fear that eating a piece of cake will make you sick, it loses its appeal!

I've been walking a lot, too. I've recruited some friends to do a five-mile diabetes walk with me this October and am starting to train. I walked for two hours around Chinatown the other day and this past weekend, Jon and I walked to the movies. We used to do this route often, but hadn't in over a year. It felt good to be outside again and I realized how much I missed walking into town.

Things are also okay between myself and my parents. Jon and I visited them last week, and I think that once they saw that I wasn't completely falling spart, they calmed down about my diagnosis. I explained how it can be controlled and how it was screwing with my metabolism. My mom has a weird idea of what I can and can't eat, but I explained that the eating plan isn't nearly as restrictive as she thinks. We then went for Persian food and I got a salad and chicken kabob with a little hummus on the side. My parents were like, "But it comes with rice!" I told them, "Just because you get rice on your plate doesn't mean you have to eat it. Duh." For the record, I didn't even get rice; I just asked them not to give it to me.

This weekend, we're going up to my in-laws so I called ahead and asked them to pick up some stuff at the grocery store. A key element in dealing with diabetes is planning ahead, I'm learning. So I always check menus ahead of time and make sure that there is food I can eat. I'm still figuring out what causes my bs to spike, but there are some great recipes online for diabetics.

Anyway, everything is okay here, if not perfect. I'm actually going to start a blog about my diabetes so you can follow me there, if you're interested. Thanks again for reading and for boosting me up during a tough time.

The Truth Hurts

I just told my parents about my diagnosis. I wasn't planning to say anything, but then my mom specifically asked if I'd been to the doctor. I know them so well, they acted exactly like I expected: my mom broke down and my dad basically blamed me for making myself sick.

It's one thing for me to put the responsibility on myself, but I was hoping for more of a show of support, some, "I know you can beat this!" or "You're strong, it'll be OK," something like that. My in-laws were very cool and supportive, but they're both overweight, so they understand how tough it is to lose weight and deal with obesity.

Stress makes your blood sugar go up and mine's been lowering all day, so I really don't want to mess up the pattern. So know what? If my parents are going to lecture and weep over me, I'm just going to tune it out.

I'm Mrs. Thighs And I'm A Diabetic...

Okay, feel free to tell me, "I told you so," that my parents' cries for me to see an endocrinologist were valid. I just found out that I have Type II Diabetes.

To be fair, I made the appointment with the endo MONTHS ago, back in April. She was booked and I didn't feel sick. I didn't have any of the classic symptoms for diabetes so I wasn't too worried.

Once we got home from Greece, though, everything fell apart. I came down with back-to-back colds from hell and became ridiculously thirsty. We're talking unquenchable thirst. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I wanted to jump into a vat of strawberry smoothie because I was craving ice/fruit juice so badly. I'd drink and drink and drink, and still felt dehydrated.

Then, of course, I needed to go all the time. Urgently. And if a bathroom wasn't right there, I, well, came close to having some disasters.

Next, my vision went wonky. I've always had 20/20 vision, but it was blurry for a few days. I couldn't even watch TV because the picture was too blurry.

By now, I suspected that something was very wrong, but wasn't sure who to turn to. I knew I had this appointment coming up, plus, our job had been bought out by a new company so I was between insurances. Meanwhile, I was doing the exact wrong thing and drinking tons of fruit juices and sports drinks. I felt like I wanted to die. Finally, I asked for help from my friend who has diabetes, and he basically saved my life. He gave me a list of foods to eat and avoid, and I followed it for a few days ... and began to feel a little better. I could deal with my issues. I could function. We even went to the Poconos for a weekend, where I swam and went boating.

Still, I dreaded seeing the doctor because I knew my diagnosis was not going to be good. I just wondered how bad it would be.

It was bad. My blood sugar was over 400 and they considered me to be an emergency case. Therefore, I'm on insulin and various other meds, and I have to take my blood sugar four times a day. My bs is now down in the 200s, so the meds seem to be working.

They also told me that my metabolism is completely fucked up and that even if I don't eat, I won't lose weight efficiently. I liked my doctor because was wasn't judgmental about my weight, and was very encouraging about my future. The team hopes to have me off of the meds and insulin in two months.

Physically, I feel fine, though a little tired. Emotionally, I'm all over the place. I can't help blaming myself for making myself sick since my weight definitely plays a part. On the other hand, I'm trying to stay positive. That I don't actually feel sick is a plus and my bs is going down. All I can do is follow my doctors' orders and I'll hopefully be fine. Taking insulin and bs numbers really isn't bad; it doesn't hurt at all. And the meal plan seems reasonable.

I'm also planning to do a 4.8 miles walk for diabetes in October. That seems like the perfect thing to do for both my disease and my leg. The route goes over the Brooklyn Bridge so we'll get to see some awesome views of the NYC skyline.

What's really nice is that many friends have been so supportive. I've heard from a lot of people, who've cheered me on. Then again, I haven't heard from some people, which is disappointing. If I knew my friend was having a major health crisis, I'd make a point to reach her, but I can't change people's priorities.

I'm still trying to figure out how to tell my parents. I think they should know, but my mom is going to get all cry-y and freak out. I really don't want to deal with her blubbering. My dad will be more normal, I think.

Sorry for this slightly incoherent entry, but my mind is all over the place. I will keep everyone updated.

Future Shock

When I was at PT this morning, a new patient came in around the same time that I arrived. She was a little larger than me in size and was recovering from a broken femur. As I was when I first started going to PT, she was in a wheelchair.

While I was waiting for my session, the doctor met with her, and because they were talking in the next room, I couldn't help overhearing their conversation (not that I was intentionally trying to eavesdrop). But I learned that this woman is 68 and suffers from diabetes and high blood pressure. The doctor was very insistent that she get to the point where she can walk again, but she wasn't eager to do the training; she just wanted to stay in her wheelchair and have hot packs put on her leg.

Seeing this unwell, older woman hammered home for me what MY future could be like if I don't continue to exercise and lose weight. I mean, she's about my parents' age, but my parents are, for the most part, youthful and healthy (knock on wood) and are still able to travel around the world. I joke with them about being old, but I don't really think of them in that way because they're so active. This woman, on the other hand, was OLD. I actually thought she was in her late 80s; even without the broken leg, it didn't seem like she was in any great shape.

That said, I really powered through my exercises today. I'm having a lot less back pain (that new bra is definitely helping!) and only took breaks because I was told to, not because my back was killing me. The therapist was really impressed, especially when I told him about my journey to the corner restaurant the other day -- and when I was walking from one room to the other, he told me to slow down. I actually wanted to do more and asked if I could ride the bike or do the stair climber for a few minutes, but he said that I'd still have to wait a few sessions. They're very conservative about letting me push ahead, but I understand that they want to make sure that their patients don't hurt themselves.

Still, I'm feeling good after my workout. I thought I'd hate going on Saturday mornings, and I do when I first wake up because I'm tired. But then once I begin exercising, I start to enjoy it.

Starting Monday, I'll have to do PT and my full-time job, with the commute. This ought to be interesting! Yet I'm kind of glad I still have PT because it'll force me work out several times a week as I adjust to my new schedule. Once PT is over, I don't know if I'll continue to get up early to exercise, but I'd like the workouts themselves to become a habit. I need to start training for the half marathon, so I'll put together a walking schedule when I'm actually able to conquer distances.

I hope that when I'm 68, I'm not in that woman's position, where I'm still obese and sick, to boot. I still have a lot of life ahead of me and I plan to live the rest of it a little better.