Outside Interests

I've been very open about my struggles with weight loss, a broken ankle and diabetes, but once in a while I like to add a fun post. In this case, I feel like showing off a little and discussing some of my outside interests. For me, this journey involving my health doesn't only concern me losing weight. It's about me becoming a more compassionate, well-rounded person in general and part of that is finding things to keep me happy outside of food.

For the past year, I've been finding more of those things. I've made a point to take on projects and challenge myself. I'm definitely a lot happier when I do such things and am less inclined to binge to fill a hole.

Anyway, here are some photos and links to my life outside of weight loss:

My online jewelry store on Etsy

Pics of some of my jewelry:

Songs from my album FLUTE PATH

TV Show Review: RUBY

Whew, I'm wiped tonight. Yesterday was my first craft show for my jewelry, so Jon and I got up at the crack of dawn and then spent the day in the freezing cold and wind as I sold my stuff. But I made a few sales and learned some stuff about retail. All in all, it was an interesting day.

I got in some exercise since I had to carry my suitcase full of jewelry and supplies, but my eating wasn't great. Though I brought some granola bars and low-fat string cheese, I ended up having some chocolate pretzels and a barbecue pork sandwich, though to be fair, I only ate about a quarter of the sandwich because it was fatty and gross. Not my best day, but I didn't go crazy, which was good since I was surrounded by fresh-baked cookies and candies at the event. Today, I returned to eating well and am looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow. Only six weeks until Greece; I've really got to step it up a notch.

Meanwhile, I've been watching a lot of "Fat TV" in search of inspiration. There are a lot of shows featuring obese people these days, which is kind of scary. But it's good to know that I'm not alone in my struggles.

One of the shows that speaks to me and frustrates me at the same time is RUBY, which is on the Style network. It chronicles the weight struggles of 40something Ruby Gettinger, who went from being 700-plus lbs to about 350. She almost made it out of the 300s ... and then gained about 60 pounds.

What I appreciate about the show is that it shows a real woman's struggle. It's not like THE BIGGEST LOSER, where contestants lose weight very quickly ... and then we don't really hear from them. Ruby is realistic and raw; we see her weight go up and down, and her struggling to not binge -- which is what it's like for many of us who have eating issues.

Unfortunately, much of the series frustrates me in that it's contrived. Ruby claims to have no childhood memories, a plot point which has been dragged out for four seasons. I suspect that something bad happened to her, like she was molested, but I'm not sure that I really buy that she blacked it out. I mean, she's still in touch with so many people from her childhood, how can they not jog at least some of her memories?

I'm also finding Ruby to be annoying. She's extremely childlike, using words like, "Hacky" (Happy and wacky) or saying things like, "What the hellicopter?" If she doesn't get her way, she whines. Her friends, Jeff and Georgia, are at her every beck and call.

But what furstrates me the most is that she just doesn't seem to be interested in changing her lifestyle. She's been handed everything-- trainers, shrinks, supportive friends -- and a TV show! And yet she whines whenever her friends eat pizza in front of her and just doesn't seem invested in trying her trainers' workouts. She blames all of her problems on others.

On the one hand, I feel for her because I've been there. Hell, I AM there. I know how difficult it is to keep up your motivation when you have so much to lose. I know what it's like when your friends can eat "normal" foods and you have to watch yourself. I know how it is to lose a lot of weight and then gain it back.

But I've tried. I really have. I've been successful ... and then not so much, but I keep trying and trying again. And I like to think that I act like an adult, even if I do have a weird sense of humor. Ruby doesn't have a job and basically has minions; my friends would kill me if I made them spray tan my naked body (yes, Ruby did this in one episode). I don't yell at people for eating "bad" food in my presence.

I don't expect Ruby's weight loss to be continuous and consistent, but I wish we were watching a more motivated, mature role model. Either way, I hope that Ruby loses the weight. My weight problems are pretty bad, but hers are like a trainwreck. I'd really like to see her get it together.

Keeping Busy

I did it. I signed up for Bally's and made a "gym date" with Karen for next Tuesday. Plus, my new workout clothes arrived and fit well. So it looks as if I'll be starting a new workout program. Karen has suggested that we begin with two days a week, which sounds reasonable. I hope I can keep it up for the long haul.

Right now, my motivation is to be fit for Greece, but there are other things coming up in the future that I'd like to be in shape for, too. I have three weddings to attend this year and it would be nice to dance at them, not to mention buy new dresses for the events. I have a craft fair in May and would like to be able to walk around and see what the other artists have made. Then there's Jon's 40th birthday in October and it would be great if we could take a more ambitious trip, like to Japan. In other words, there is plenty ahead for which I need to be in shape.

Happily, other areas of my life are going well. I've sold some jewelry and hope to get a place at some more fairs. It's a little surreal to me to actually see this business coming together. For years, I tried to sell a novel and that was a bust; I then recorded my album, which was mainly purchased by friends and family. Don't get me wrong; I'm very proud of the work I did in regards to these projects, but it would've been cool if they'd led to a new business venture. Who knows, maybe they still can. But in the meantime, I'm honored that people want to wear my jewelry and are willing to PAY for it! This was NEVER the way I'd expected my life to go.

Which just goes to show, that you can't give up -- you just never know what twist or turn will be ahead. I'm not anywhere near my goal of being fit and healthy, but feel as if I'm taking some positive steps, both physically AND metally.

Mental Weight

I absolutely hate when something stressful is weighing on my mind. Dont you? In my case, it's nothing THAT bad -- it's that assignment from work that I have to get done where the source hasn't yet gotten back to me -- and I am NOT looking forward to dealing with the editor in charge of the section. I hate feeling irresponsible, especially when I have no control over the situation. Work has been pretty good, but this one, stupid assignment is making my stomach hurt.

I'm still trying to work on dealing with stress. I KNOW that people have worse things to deal with -- illnesses, divorce, financial problems, horrible bosses -- the list goes on and on. But as much as I logically try to remind myself of this and work the problem out, it's haunting me. It'll pass. By next week, everything will be over and it'll have been completed or not, and that will be it, but for now, I wish it would go away.

I'm not sure if I'll every fully conquer stress. Some people just don't care about stuff -- not in a bad way; I mean, they care about their loved ones and the environment and all of that -- but some people just don't let anything get to them and can compartmentalize their home life and work. I've never been able to do that. I'm a perfectionist by nature and I care a great deal what people think of me. I like doing a good job at things anf take pride in it. So when something makes me screw up at work, I feel terrible about it.

On the upside, I am learning to deal with stress differently, and have not been bingeing. At PT on Friday, I really put everything into my workout and felt good afterward. That night, I met up with Karen for dinner and we had a nice talk. And then, I've been working on my jewelry. It's still a new hobby, but I like doing something where I get to be creative and have to concentrate really hard to get the work done. That's the best way to forget about things!

At the risk of sounding conceited, I have to say, I'm pretty good at making jewelry. So far, I've taught myself how to string beads and add crimps and clasps, and how to do basic wire work. I really like the wire work because you can design your own pendants, chains, etc. It's extremely creative and labor intensive, so you feel good when a project is completed. I made a necklace for Karen, which she loved, and made one for my mom; I've also promised a bunch of friends and family that I'd design jewelry for them. It feels good to be doing something that people appreciate and makes them happy. To bring it back to food, overeating might give me a temporary high, but it's not the same kind of pleasure you get when you give someone you love an everlasting gift that you made from the heart.

Right now, I'm going to work on some more of my creations and try to put my work problems behind me -- and count my blessings that my problems are as mundane as they are. As my mother-in-law always says, "This too shall pass."

Happy New Year

No, it's not January yet, but for Jews it's Rosh Hoshana, the Jewish New Year. I'm not a particularly observant Jew, but I still like the idea of having a new year ahead of me. It's a time to reflect on what I'm hoping for in the future.

Right now, continuing to lose weight and get in shape is still my main goal, but I have other things I want to work on, as well. Dealing with stress is definitely one of them, as I haven't quite conquered that. Take this afternoon, for instance. I'm late on another assignment at work because yet another source didn't get back to me on time and the editor in charge of the section was bugging me a little about it. It's not that big a deal because this has happened to all of us, but I became so upset -- like to the point where my stomach hurt. The good news is, I didn't binge; instead, I gave myself a pep talk and reminded myself that I always do my best an am usually early with assignments. But I know that my initial reaction didn't have to be so extreme. Everyone has to deal with demanding or annoying co-workers and I can't let it ruin my life and health.

My other big goal, which is more positive, is to work on my jewelry. I made four necklaces this week and they came out pretty well! I've gotten the hang of beading, but I really want to learn wire and metal work. I love being creative and working with my hands, so this is a goal that I look forward to accomplishing.

Other than that, things are decent on my end. I had a good session at PT today and the therapist says that my balance is really improving. In a few weeks, I should be able to stand on one leg without holding on -- and if all else goes well, I'll be wearing some fine jewelry pieces while I do so!

It's All Greek To Me

For some reason this weekend, I was really hungry -- and not just emotionally hungry; my stomach was growling and I felt light headed. Fortunately, I didn't go too crazy. I had some chocolate cake, but I journaled every bite. And tonight I went out for Greek food with a friend.

Many nutritionists recommend the "Mediterranean diet" because the countries in that area tend to rely on simple, but fresh and tasty foods. Our meal tonight definitely illustrated this. I had a combo kebab with grilled chicken and lamb chunks, beans, roasted potatoes and lemon rice; a Greek salad with balsamic vinegar and two small cubes of feta cheese (some places go completely overboard with the feta; and some hummus. I ended up leaving over the side dishes -- the potatoes, rice and beans -- and had only about half the meat. My friend and I then shared baklava for dessert, but between the two of us, we didn't even eat half. We each took about two bites and that was enough; I then brought my leftovers home to Jon and he finished them.

I feel as if I'm getting much better at this whole "eat when I'm actually hungry" thing. I'm not feeling a need to wolf down my food simply because I ordered it or it's in front of me. I'm okay with taking a few bites to get the taste and then saving the rest for later.

My walking is continuing to improve, as well. It's still not great, but I can walk about two blocks without the walker before I need to stop for a rest. I know that soon enough it will be four blocks and then eventually a mile. I'm still trying to find that balance between working out and not overdoing it. If I do too much, my ankle swells up and yells at me to stop.

Meantime, my jewelry making supplies arrived! I'm very excited, though I still have to order some stuff before I can officially start making items. But I've been watching a whole bunch of instructional items online and am very anxious to get started. It'll be good to try a new hobby that's challenging and different from what I usually do for fun (writing and music). I like the idea of being able to express myself in another venue. Plus, I'll be able to make some cool gifts for the holidays.

It's amazing how good it can feel to have a project in the works and something to look forward to. For once, I don't even care if I'm any good at it -- I'm just happy to be learning something new. Maybe this is really a way that I can overcome my eating disorder; to fill my life up with things like hobbies, interests, friends and love. As cheesy as that sounds, no amount of food can make up for that.

Fall Forward

This weekend, I really didn't do much. I spent a lot of time relaxing and writing and you know what? That's OK. I've been going out so much ever since I returned to work a few weeks ago, and my body -- not to mention my leg -- is feeling it. I think that resting my leg for a few days was a good call so that I can come back even stronger.

Still, I've been thinking a lot about the upcoming season and all that I have to look forward to. No, my spring and summer weren't the greatest, but my life has a lot more possibilities now that I'm back on my feet. Jon and I are planning a short trip to the Berkshires to see the Tanglewood Jazz Festival that takes place during Labor Day weekend, and my friends and I have talked about taking a day trip to go apple picking upstate. I'm not yet up to taking a long, exotic vacation (nor do I have the vacation days since I was out of work for so long), but I can still enjoy some short getaways and get a taste of the outdoors, which I think will be good for me, physically and mentally.

Meanwhile, I've been trying some new hobbies -- artistic endeavors that keep me preoccupied and keep my hands moving so that I can concentrate on what I'm doing instead of eating. Karen invited me to join her for a pottery making class in the city, so we're looking into that. I've never made pottery before, but it seems like fun -- and it'll give me a chance to make my friends and family homemade gifts this holiday season. I also want to try my hand at jewelry making. I've never done that before, either, but a few of the people in my office make their own necklaces and bracelets and again, it looks like fun. I've purchased some beads and a beginners' jewelry kit, which I'm waiting to arrive in the mail. I love writing and music, but I also love the idea of making something tangible. As a kid, I used to spend hours by myself drawing and painting, and making crafts, and it was a great way to pass the time.

Trying some new hobbies is yet another way for me to remind myself that there's more to life than food. For many of you who don't think about food all the time, this probably seems strange, but for me, it's necessary. Plus, it's somewhat symbollic, the whole idea of building things from scratch just as I'm building a new life for myself. OK, yeah, so I'm stretching a bit here, but humor me and go with it!

I know it's only August, but I can already feel a little chill in the air and am starting to see some leaves changing color. Fall won't be here for a few more weeks, but I'm all set to get a jump start on making this the best season in a not-so-great year.