Finding My Balance

At PT, there's this one therapist -- let's just call her "Jenny" -- whom I've nicknamed "Clueless Jenny" because she never seems to know what she's doing. She gives the best foot massages out of everyone there, but other than that, she seems to be off in her own world. She'd always ask ME where to put the electrodes when she placed a hot pack on my foot and just kind of let me do my exercises on my own with little input. She was always really sweet, so I just sort of shook my head and did my routine.

Well, this morning, all of a sudden Clueless Jenny turned into Drill Sergeant Jenny! I don't know where in the hell this came from, but she had this whole routine planned for me that was really, really hard.

First, I did 10 minutes on the treadmill (at 1.5 mph and an elevation of Level 3, thank you very much) and then 10 minutes on the bike. She then had me do a series of balance and gait exercises where I had to step over, through and around small cones. The exercises themselves weren't too bad (though I felt a bit wobbly when she had me do a side step), but the repetitiveness got to me, especially when I had to do figure eights around the obstacles. I was getting dizzy! My balance and equilibrium are still off, so I was seriously getting nauseous from walking and stepping in circles over and over again. I kind of liked stomping over the little cones, though -- it made me feel like Godzilla.

Once I mastered the cones, she placed these things on the floor that looked like file folders -- that were slightly higher than the cones -- and I had to step over, through and around those. By the time I finished with that, I was dripping with sweat! I figured that I was done for the day at this point, but Jenny had one more set of exercises planned for me. I had to stand and raise one leg -- and then balance using no hands. Yikes! I could do it for about two seconds, but that was it. My balance sucked even before I broke my leg, so I wasn't too surprised. But then she got this evil grin on her face and told me to do it with my eyes closed!

Seriously, though, while I may dislike these routines while I'm doing them, I'm happy that I'm being pushed and am proud of the work I've done so far. And I'm beginning to feel the results in ways other than how my walking is affected. Today at work, I had a really stressful day where a person whom I've been trying to get for a story didn't return my calls and I got blamed for her basically screwing me over. But when I later hobbled toward my bus stop, I realized that, as hard as that walk still is, I was feeling better. I was out in the fresh air, I was moving ... and the headache that I was getting all day disappeared. For weeks, walking has felt like a chore for me because it's been so difficult, but this was the first time since I've been back on my feet that I felt a glimmer of enjoyment from doing it.

I don't think that being physically fit will solve all of my problems: it won't make me beautiful, rich or get annoying sources to call me on time for a story on a tight deadline. But being in shape will at least help me DEAL with the stresses of life -- and I plan to keep getting that better balance, but physically and mentally.

Survival Of The Fittest

Well, I survived my first week back at work. It was NOT easy. The job itself was fine -- they mainly left me alone so I could get back into the groove of things -- but the commute was killer. I did sooo much walking this week, just getting around the city, and my legs and back are feeling it. For me, two blocks is still a lot; I'm looking forward to Sunday when I'll just be able to elevate and ice my leg all day and let it heal.

The good news is, I got a solid report from my orthopedist yesterday. He says that my leg is in decent shape and now it's just a matter of me continuing to build up muscle. They told me that having back and hip pain is very common and that it would get better as I get stronger. I certainly hope so because I'm sick of carrying that walker around -- though I like being able to sit whenever I need to. Today I an old man who also had a walker that doubles as a seat and it was like, "Hey, buddy!"

Meanwhile, I'm eating well and the weight keeps coming off. Last night, I went out with my group of girlfriends and a few told me I look good (though not many people are mentioning the actual weight loss yet, perhaps because they're afraid of embarrassing me?). Karen and I then went out tonight and she said that each week she sees me, I seem to be smaller. I still have no idea how much I weigh (and I kind of like it that way, truth be told), but the pounds are coming off quickly, which for me, is unusual. My metabolism tends to be on the slow side, but I guess my body is still in shock from all of the sudden movement it's getting (not that I'm complaining. I'm taking full advantage!).

Tomorrow is Scott's party, so that will be a bit of a challenge. I'm glad that I have PT in the morning so I can get a workout in beforehand. But he always has a lot of food at his parties and this is an all-day affair.

I'm thinking that in a couple of weeks, I'm going to treat myself to a professional massage. I've had one (which was a total disaster, but that's another story) and now I feel as if I really need another. That will be a nice way to reward myself for all of my hard work.

Until then, I'm going to keep going and tell my legs to shut up when they protest!

Big Wheel Keep On Turning

This morning, they FINALLY let me use the bike in PT! I've been asking them for weeks if I could try it and they kept telling me that I "wasn't ready yet." Well, I felt as if I were more than ready, and this morning, I proved it by easily doing 10 minutes on it. I took it slowly, but it felt really good -- and it helped that the radio was playing "Proud Mary!"

For the rest of the day, I was in a good mood and when I walked to the bus stop this evening it was, well, slightly less exhausting than yesterday. I still had to stop a bunch of times, but I made it there five minutes quicker than last night. Hopefully, I'll keep adding speed so that I can eventually do the walk in just 10 minutes again. I then got off at the "scene of the crime," a.k.a. my nickname for the spot where I fell, but I didn't hurt myself this time! Believe me, I was a bit jumpy, but this bus driver pulled all the way up to the curb for me so there were no potholes in my way. Phew!

What's interesting is how people treat you when you have a walker. When I was in the wheelchair, a lot of people were overly friendly. Now I get a lot of stares -- perhaps because I'm so large still or perhaps because my walker is a little unusual-looking and has a seat built into it (my favorite feature!). But most people are oblivious and won't move out of your way. Last night, for example, this woman was walking her dog right on the ramp that leads up to the door of my shrink's office. I had to call out to her three times before she acknowledged me and then she still didn't move! Basically, I had to plow through her. Then when I was trying to open the door to the office, people saw me, but no one offered to help. It was a little frustrating. Thankfully, the bus drivers have been helpful in picking up the walker for me as I get on and off the bus so that I can grip the rails with both hands.

What's nice, though, is that my social life is starting to feel normal again. I'm going out with friends over the next two nights and then have a party on Saturday. And then next week, I already have dinner plans for two nights. Thanks to Jon, my social life wasn't horrible while I was in the wheelchair, but I was definitely a lot more isolated. I love being able to explore the city and am glad I have that back somewhat.

My next goal is to feel strong enough so that I can ditch the walker. That and the chair have been lifesavers -- but I'd rather be out there without my"wheels."