Venting, Venting, Venting

Okay, that's it -- I HATE being immobile. Now I know that I HAVE to lose weight so that I will never come close to being immobile again.

Jon has been great and very patient when it comes to taking care of me, but -- and I feel like such a traitor for writing this -- there are times when I'm becoming very impatient with him because he's not giving me what I want when I want it. This evening, he came home late so I was starving for dinner and sitting in the dark because I couldn't get to the light. If I want to brush my teeth, I just go and do it. But now I have to ask him to get me a cup and my toothbrush and am depending on his schedule. Right now, I just took a sponnge bath and want to brush my teeth, but he's finishing up something on the computer, so I have to wait. Yeah, I guess I'm spoiled and I know things can be worse, but I really miss the simple idea of just being on my own schedule and not having to depend on someone else to govern my every move. I also feel like a nag whenever I ask for something, especially if Jon is doing something or if I need something done that's inconvenient for him. We have our anniversary party coming up and my party dress is still in my office (I always have my online deliveries sent there). He works across the street so I keep asking him to pick it up for me. Now he's saying, "Maybe Friday," but the party is on SUNDAY. I WANT that dress! I want to dress up in it and feel pretty and well, human, after all of this. I'm on the verge of kicking and screaming and throwing a temper tantrum just so I can get my way and he'll pick it up for me. I also want a small vanity mirror so I can put on my makeup and tweeze my eyebrows after weeks of growth. I feel like I'm being such a diva -- wanting him to help me at home and then wanting this extra stuff. I'm trying to be grateful, but sometimes it's hard.

To top this off, our home is DISGUSTING. We're not neat people, anyway, but our house is awful. It's like we're living in Grey Gardens or something. This weekend, I am determined to get into my wheelchair and at least dust off the lower shelves and put some stuff away. I'm also determined to somehow get into the bathroom so I can clean up in there.

I can't wait until I can use a walker and plan for this to be sooner rather than later. I need to be able to move - NOW!