Bitter Pill

Working out has definitely helped me get some of my fitness back, but I've also made another life change: I went back on my meds. I was hoping that I could stop taking the pills that my doctor had prescribed for insulin resistance, but after being off them for about eight months, all of my old symptoms returned: break-outs, brittle nails, bloating, sallow skin, lethargy. I've been taking them again for about a week ... and I already feel better. I've also decided to finally see a new edincrinologist when we return from Greece. I was originally planning to wait until I lose more weight, but I'm realizing that I have a real problem. Right now, I'm researching doctors in NYC; if anyone knows of a capable endo with a good bedside manner who won't judge my weight, I'm open to suggestions!

I'm not going to argue that going off the pills was an idiotic thing to do. But after going for so many medical things relating to my leg the last year, it felt nice to be "clean." Plus, I was feeling good. I was in PT, I was losing weight, I was getting back on my feet. I liked the thought that I was getting healthy enough to be pill-free.

Unfortunately, my body doesn't want to cooperate. As I've written before, this winter was really difficult for me because I spent most of it sick. Then I started getting horrible "bacne" and excess hair on my face. I started skipping periods. That's exactly what happened the last time when my doctor put me on meds. Again, I'm a moron for letting it get to this point, but well, I'd rather move on than dwell on a bad decision.

In the week that I've been back on my pills, I've already lost some weight and my back and face have cleared up significantly. I'm also less lethargic. I'm getting more physical benefits from losing weight, too; when we went to the movies, for example, I fit in the chairs a lot more comfortably.

In addition to losing more weight, I do know that I have to take care of myself by seeing my doctors more often. I'm embarrassed to share this story about my pills because really, what kind of person goes off meds that she needs? But I want to be honest with my readers -- and myself -- when I mess up.