Whew, I'm wiped tonight. Yesterday was my first craft show for my jewelry, so Jon and I got up at the crack of dawn and then spent the day in the freezing cold and wind as I sold my stuff. But I made a few sales and learned some stuff about retail. All in all, it was an interesting day.
I got in some exercise since I had to carry my suitcase full of jewelry and supplies, but my eating wasn't great. Though I brought some granola bars and low-fat string cheese, I ended up having some chocolate pretzels and a barbecue pork sandwich, though to be fair, I only ate about a quarter of the sandwich because it was fatty and gross. Not my best day, but I didn't go crazy, which was good since I was surrounded by fresh-baked cookies and candies at the event. Today, I returned to eating well and am looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow. Only six weeks until Greece; I've really got to step it up a notch.
Meanwhile, I've been watching a lot of "Fat TV" in search of inspiration. There are a lot of shows featuring obese people these days, which is kind of scary. But it's good to know that I'm not alone in my struggles.
One of the shows that speaks to me and frustrates me at the same time is RUBY, which is on the Style network. It chronicles the weight struggles of 40something Ruby Gettinger, who went from being 700-plus lbs to about 350. She almost made it out of the 300s ... and then gained about 60 pounds.
What I appreciate about the show is that it shows a real woman's struggle. It's not like THE BIGGEST LOSER, where contestants lose weight very quickly ... and then we don't really hear from them. Ruby is realistic and raw; we see her weight go up and down, and her struggling to not binge -- which is what it's like for many of us who have eating issues.
Unfortunately, much of the series frustrates me in that it's contrived. Ruby claims to have no childhood memories, a plot point which has been dragged out for four seasons. I suspect that something bad happened to her, like she was molested, but I'm not sure that I really buy that she blacked it out. I mean, she's still in touch with so many people from her childhood, how can they not jog at least some of her memories?
I'm also finding Ruby to be annoying. She's extremely childlike, using words like, "Hacky" (Happy and wacky) or saying things like, "What the hellicopter?" If she doesn't get her way, she whines. Her friends, Jeff and Georgia, are at her every beck and call.
But what furstrates me the most is that she just doesn't seem to be interested in changing her lifestyle. She's been handed everything-- trainers, shrinks, supportive friends -- and a TV show! And yet she whines whenever her friends eat pizza in front of her and just doesn't seem invested in trying her trainers' workouts. She blames all of her problems on others.
On the one hand, I feel for her because I've been there. Hell, I AM there. I know how difficult it is to keep up your motivation when you have so much to lose. I know what it's like when your friends can eat "normal" foods and you have to watch yourself. I know how it is to lose a lot of weight and then gain it back.
But I've tried. I really have. I've been successful ... and then not so much, but I keep trying and trying again. And I like to think that I act like an adult, even if I do have a weird sense of humor. Ruby doesn't have a job and basically has minions; my friends would kill me if I made them spray tan my naked body (yes, Ruby did this in one episode). I don't yell at people for eating "bad" food in my presence.
I don't expect Ruby's weight loss to be continuous and consistent, but I wish we were watching a more motivated, mature role model. Either way, I hope that Ruby loses the weight. My weight problems are pretty bad, but hers are like a trainwreck. I'd really like to see her get it together.
Showing posts with label physical therapy; physical update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label physical therapy; physical update. Show all posts
Monday, April 4, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Mind Over Matter
I've had plenty of body issues over the years, but I've always been fairly confident about my intelligence. Still, I'm finding that getting back into shape is affecting my mental capabilities, as well as my physical ones.
Take yesterday at work, for example. We're going through a lot of changes at the moment because we're about to debut our new, improved Web site. This means that everyone has had to do a lot of annoying grunt work, such as making sure that certain archival information is current. On top of that, my colleague is home with a dying parent so I've had to cover for him.
Needless to say, I've been busy and a little stressed. I had so much to do yesterday, I considered coming in early. I didn't, though, and ended up just working through the morning ... and before I knew it, I was finished! I couldn't believe that I was able to zip through so much work and actually end EARLY.
It's nice to see all of these little changes taking place. I don't look much different; honestly, I think I'll need to lose about 75 pounds or so before there's a noticeable difference. My walking isn't so great. But it's now easier for me to get off the couch or walk across a room, or even walk down the block. Considering the fact that I'm not too far off from being large enough to be bedridden, I think of any activity as progress.
I'm happy to be moving better, but I didn't expect my thinking to improve, as well. Who knows -- maybe when I lose enough weight, I'll be a genius...
Take yesterday at work, for example. We're going through a lot of changes at the moment because we're about to debut our new, improved Web site. This means that everyone has had to do a lot of annoying grunt work, such as making sure that certain archival information is current. On top of that, my colleague is home with a dying parent so I've had to cover for him.
Needless to say, I've been busy and a little stressed. I had so much to do yesterday, I considered coming in early. I didn't, though, and ended up just working through the morning ... and before I knew it, I was finished! I couldn't believe that I was able to zip through so much work and actually end EARLY.
It's nice to see all of these little changes taking place. I don't look much different; honestly, I think I'll need to lose about 75 pounds or so before there's a noticeable difference. My walking isn't so great. But it's now easier for me to get off the couch or walk across a room, or even walk down the block. Considering the fact that I'm not too far off from being large enough to be bedridden, I think of any activity as progress.
I'm happy to be moving better, but I didn't expect my thinking to improve, as well. Who knows -- maybe when I lose enough weight, I'll be a genius...
Friday, February 18, 2011
Signs Of Spring
It was unseasonably warm today in NYC -- which was fine with me! After enduring the winter from hell, I was happy to have this balmy day. I don't like very hot weather, but I do love the spring. It made me happy to get a taste of it this afternoon.
It occurred to me this week that I've been going to therapy for about a year now. I've seen counselors in the past, but this is the longest I've ever stuck with a program. There are some days when I'm not sure that I really need the help or that I've changed much; but then there are other times when I realize that I've become a lot more calm. And it definitely helped me deal with my broken leg.
I'm almost afraid to write this because I don't want to jinx anything, but right now I'm pretty satisfied with my life. I have good friends, a great husband, a decent family and an exciting new business venture. The one really bad thing is my weight. If I can ever manage to get it under control, I don't think my life will be perfect -- not even close -- but it will definitely be fuller. And if I'm satisfied with the state of things now, I imagine that I'll have a lot more fun when I'm able to dance again or go hiking or walk around a new city without experiencing back pain.
This is why I keep going to therapy, even on those good days. I'm slowly putting my life together, piece by piece. I don't think it'll be completed until, well, I'm dead, but I'm going to keep building myself up.
It occurred to me this week that I've been going to therapy for about a year now. I've seen counselors in the past, but this is the longest I've ever stuck with a program. There are some days when I'm not sure that I really need the help or that I've changed much; but then there are other times when I realize that I've become a lot more calm. And it definitely helped me deal with my broken leg.
I'm almost afraid to write this because I don't want to jinx anything, but right now I'm pretty satisfied with my life. I have good friends, a great husband, a decent family and an exciting new business venture. The one really bad thing is my weight. If I can ever manage to get it under control, I don't think my life will be perfect -- not even close -- but it will definitely be fuller. And if I'm satisfied with the state of things now, I imagine that I'll have a lot more fun when I'm able to dance again or go hiking or walk around a new city without experiencing back pain.
This is why I keep going to therapy, even on those good days. I'm slowly putting my life together, piece by piece. I don't think it'll be completed until, well, I'm dead, but I'm going to keep building myself up.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
A More Intelligent Response
Yikes! After rereading my last post, I can see how ANGRY I was about the Marie Claire debacle. That's me -- I generally don't blow up at things, but when I do, I get really, really pissed and let it all out. That's the great thing about having this blog; I can let it out here and not take it out on some poor, unsuspecting person.
Anyway, before I attempt to craft a more intelligent response about that article, let me give a brief update on myself. Things are going pretty well here. I'm finding it easier to walk and have been working on my eating. My big thing this past week has been to eat more vegetables, so I've been maing a point to have veggies and fruits each day. For lunch, I've been ordering in salads with spinach, carrots, eggs, onions, olives and cheese --and then having low-fat dressing on the side. Last night, I went to Jackson Hole in the city with Karen and ordered the veggie burrito, which was filled with broccoli, peppers, mushrooms, black beans, avocado and potatoes. It was seriously one of the best burritos I've ever had -- I was ready to marry this thing! But I figured that if I can stick with this one goal -- to eat more veggies -- than I can get back into doing other things I'm supposed to be doing: more exercise, drinking more water, doing a better job counting Points; losing more weight. Yes, there have been a lot of stops and starts on this journey, and I imagine that for my 10 or so followers of this blog that this is frustrating to read about, but I am trying and I'd rather keep TRYING than just giving up. I've been making an honest effort of losing serious weight for the past 10 years -- with some successes and A LOT of setbacks -- but that's better than doing nothing. I really do want to lose the weight. It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do, so far.
Which brings me back to Maura Kelly's article and why it upset me so much. While I don't disagree with her about obesity being unhealthy, I feel like when people comment about the state of overweight people that many -- Kelly for certain -- consider fat people to be "less than." That our obesity isn't just a health issue for us, that the very idea of us being fat means that we're lazy, undisciplined, slovenly, undeserving of love, gross ... fill in the blank. That she's so disgusted by the idea of fat people being intimate -- or by them merely WALKING ACROSS A ROOM -- is hurtful and humiliating. I mean, was everyone disgusted when I, who was a fat bride, kissed my husband at our wedding? Should I not kiss my husband in a public place because it's too yucky for the skinny folks out there? Should I just hide until I become thin enough for her because the mere act of me walking, EXISTING, grosses her out? THIS is why what she wrote about angered me so much.
There's also the idea that she and many others have, that fat people aren't allowed to be happy. Because we have this health condition, our happiness means that we're PROMOTING obesity -- and if, God forbid, a smiling "fatty" is shown on TV in some kind of venue other than a weight-loss program, it's "bad" because people will think that being overweight is a pleasurable state of mind and follow suit. That's ridiculous. Yes, I am overweight, but I am not defined by it. And, in a well-written show, neither are the characters. One of my favorite sitcoms ever, ROSEANNE, involved two overweight characters, Roseanne and Dan, but the show wasn't about their size (though it did come up from time to time). It was about a typical blue-collar couple raising their kids. MIKE & MOLLY isn't as good a show, but it's about a couple embarking in a new relationship. And fat people do have relationships. We kiss. We have sex. We walk. We LIVE. Some overweight people are content with being large, which is fine; it's their prerogative. I'm not thrilled with being fat, but in the meantime, I don't want to hide -- and I don't want to have to explain away my happiness by adding the addendum each time, "But don't be happy like me because being fat is bad, folks!"
What also angered me about her article were the simplistic diet tips that she added in the middle of it (to eat less and exercise more; no SHIT, Sherlock) with the patronizing all-caps, YOU CAN DO IT! Uh, that's nice ... er, I guess ... but let me debunk a myth about most fat people. We've tried. Most of us have tried losing weight over and over and over again. Most of us can probably write books on the subject. We KNOW the basics and have sometimes even done extreme things to lose weight, but because obesity is such a pyschological thing in addition to being physiological, it sometimes doesn't work out.
Many, unfortunately, still equate obesity with laziness, and have this idea that we sit around eating all day. For me, that's definitely not true. In the past few years, I've completed several long-distance walks, included that 20 miler, I recorded an album, I've done a lot of traveling and am now making jewelry. I always like to have some kind of project going on and am rarely just sitting around. And guess what? Even when I did the 20-miler, I was obese. But I trained for it and did it. Kelly may be disgusted with the idea of me, a fat person, walking, but I managed to drag my jiggly ass 20 miles around the city!
Which brings me to my final point in this very long post. You never know WHAT an obese person is going through at any particular moment. To a person who saw me sweating and limping on the day I did my long walk, they may have just thought that I was some "fatty" struggling to make my way around Manhattan. The overweight woman on the corner could be recovering from an injury or a thyroid problem, or some kind of personal trauma that led her to eat her emotions away. The fat guy in the store perhaps has already lost 100 pounds, but still has 150 to go -- but is still obese as he continues his journey. Again, YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.
That said, what the heck is wrong with celebrating the accomplishments of obese people? Showing fat people who are successful at finding good jobs or love? People of all shapes and sizes deserve to be happy and we deserve to be represented.
Anyway, before I attempt to craft a more intelligent response about that article, let me give a brief update on myself. Things are going pretty well here. I'm finding it easier to walk and have been working on my eating. My big thing this past week has been to eat more vegetables, so I've been maing a point to have veggies and fruits each day. For lunch, I've been ordering in salads with spinach, carrots, eggs, onions, olives and cheese --and then having low-fat dressing on the side. Last night, I went to Jackson Hole in the city with Karen and ordered the veggie burrito, which was filled with broccoli, peppers, mushrooms, black beans, avocado and potatoes. It was seriously one of the best burritos I've ever had -- I was ready to marry this thing! But I figured that if I can stick with this one goal -- to eat more veggies -- than I can get back into doing other things I'm supposed to be doing: more exercise, drinking more water, doing a better job counting Points; losing more weight. Yes, there have been a lot of stops and starts on this journey, and I imagine that for my 10 or so followers of this blog that this is frustrating to read about, but I am trying and I'd rather keep TRYING than just giving up. I've been making an honest effort of losing serious weight for the past 10 years -- with some successes and A LOT of setbacks -- but that's better than doing nothing. I really do want to lose the weight. It's definitely the hardest thing I've ever had to do, so far.
Which brings me back to Maura Kelly's article and why it upset me so much. While I don't disagree with her about obesity being unhealthy, I feel like when people comment about the state of overweight people that many -- Kelly for certain -- consider fat people to be "less than." That our obesity isn't just a health issue for us, that the very idea of us being fat means that we're lazy, undisciplined, slovenly, undeserving of love, gross ... fill in the blank. That she's so disgusted by the idea of fat people being intimate -- or by them merely WALKING ACROSS A ROOM -- is hurtful and humiliating. I mean, was everyone disgusted when I, who was a fat bride, kissed my husband at our wedding? Should I not kiss my husband in a public place because it's too yucky for the skinny folks out there? Should I just hide until I become thin enough for her because the mere act of me walking, EXISTING, grosses her out? THIS is why what she wrote about angered me so much.
There's also the idea that she and many others have, that fat people aren't allowed to be happy. Because we have this health condition, our happiness means that we're PROMOTING obesity -- and if, God forbid, a smiling "fatty" is shown on TV in some kind of venue other than a weight-loss program, it's "bad" because people will think that being overweight is a pleasurable state of mind and follow suit. That's ridiculous. Yes, I am overweight, but I am not defined by it. And, in a well-written show, neither are the characters. One of my favorite sitcoms ever, ROSEANNE, involved two overweight characters, Roseanne and Dan, but the show wasn't about their size (though it did come up from time to time). It was about a typical blue-collar couple raising their kids. MIKE & MOLLY isn't as good a show, but it's about a couple embarking in a new relationship. And fat people do have relationships. We kiss. We have sex. We walk. We LIVE. Some overweight people are content with being large, which is fine; it's their prerogative. I'm not thrilled with being fat, but in the meantime, I don't want to hide -- and I don't want to have to explain away my happiness by adding the addendum each time, "But don't be happy like me because being fat is bad, folks!"
What also angered me about her article were the simplistic diet tips that she added in the middle of it (to eat less and exercise more; no SHIT, Sherlock) with the patronizing all-caps, YOU CAN DO IT! Uh, that's nice ... er, I guess ... but let me debunk a myth about most fat people. We've tried. Most of us have tried losing weight over and over and over again. Most of us can probably write books on the subject. We KNOW the basics and have sometimes even done extreme things to lose weight, but because obesity is such a pyschological thing in addition to being physiological, it sometimes doesn't work out.
Many, unfortunately, still equate obesity with laziness, and have this idea that we sit around eating all day. For me, that's definitely not true. In the past few years, I've completed several long-distance walks, included that 20 miler, I recorded an album, I've done a lot of traveling and am now making jewelry. I always like to have some kind of project going on and am rarely just sitting around. And guess what? Even when I did the 20-miler, I was obese. But I trained for it and did it. Kelly may be disgusted with the idea of me, a fat person, walking, but I managed to drag my jiggly ass 20 miles around the city!
Which brings me to my final point in this very long post. You never know WHAT an obese person is going through at any particular moment. To a person who saw me sweating and limping on the day I did my long walk, they may have just thought that I was some "fatty" struggling to make my way around Manhattan. The overweight woman on the corner could be recovering from an injury or a thyroid problem, or some kind of personal trauma that led her to eat her emotions away. The fat guy in the store perhaps has already lost 100 pounds, but still has 150 to go -- but is still obese as he continues his journey. Again, YOU JUST NEVER KNOW.
That said, what the heck is wrong with celebrating the accomplishments of obese people? Showing fat people who are successful at finding good jobs or love? People of all shapes and sizes deserve to be happy and we deserve to be represented.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
An Apple A Day...
After enduring a crazy week -- which included a freakin' TORNADO that touched down in my NYC neighborhood -- I'm having a really good weekend so far. I made a few more pieces of jewelry, saw some friends, and this morning, a bunch of us went apple picking upstate.
It's been rather rainy all week (even without the tornado), but today was perfect. The sun was shining, it was about 70 degrees and there was a light breeze. It felt really good to get out of the city and enjoy the fresh air.
We first stopped at a farmer's market and picked up some cheese and vegetables. They sold pies, donuts and fudge, but I abstained (though I did have a bite of my friend's donut and chocolate). After, we went to the nearby orchard to pick our apples. Though I'm moving pretty well these days, I brought the walker with me because the terrain was so uneven; even though it was difficult for me to walk through the trees and actually pick the apples, I still had a great time. I just enjoyed breathing in the scent of the fruit and people watching as happy families and kids went about plucking apples from the trees. Apples aren't my favorite fruit, but I sampled a couple and discovered that I like them much more than I remember! Maybe because I've developed more of a taste for fresh fruit and vegetables, I've become appreciative of the sweet, tart crunchiness of apples. But it just felt really good to have that nice, juicy fruit while relaxing in the sunshine.
After, we went into Goshen and had a late lunch/early dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant. Since the weather was so beautiful, we sat outside and continued to relish the clean air. I've been trying to eat less pasta, so I had chicken with vegetables and potatoes. The food was amazing and we all cleaned our plates. We then drove home, laughing and singing the whole time. All in all, it was a very nice day.
In other news, this upcoming week of physical therapy is going to be my last. I met with the doctor in charge of the place and he said that I'm doing well enough that I can start working out at home. But he added that in order to continue losing weight, I should really take things to the next level and do more than just walk, so I'm going to start using the BowFlex again. I was glad I got to walk some more hills today because I still need practice with that; I'd also like to look into getting a stationary bike or elliptical. I still think that you can get a great workout from walking, but I know that it's best to mix it up.
Right now, my biggest goal at the moment is to get in decent shape by February because my friends and I are talking about going to Greece! How awesome will that be? If that's not motivation, I don't know what is. Meantime, I'm looking forward to taking more day trips and small vacations. I still have a long way to go with my weight loss, but I'm loving the extra energy that I'm already getting!
It's been rather rainy all week (even without the tornado), but today was perfect. The sun was shining, it was about 70 degrees and there was a light breeze. It felt really good to get out of the city and enjoy the fresh air.
We first stopped at a farmer's market and picked up some cheese and vegetables. They sold pies, donuts and fudge, but I abstained (though I did have a bite of my friend's donut and chocolate). After, we went to the nearby orchard to pick our apples. Though I'm moving pretty well these days, I brought the walker with me because the terrain was so uneven; even though it was difficult for me to walk through the trees and actually pick the apples, I still had a great time. I just enjoyed breathing in the scent of the fruit and people watching as happy families and kids went about plucking apples from the trees. Apples aren't my favorite fruit, but I sampled a couple and discovered that I like them much more than I remember! Maybe because I've developed more of a taste for fresh fruit and vegetables, I've become appreciative of the sweet, tart crunchiness of apples. But it just felt really good to have that nice, juicy fruit while relaxing in the sunshine.
After, we went into Goshen and had a late lunch/early dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant. Since the weather was so beautiful, we sat outside and continued to relish the clean air. I've been trying to eat less pasta, so I had chicken with vegetables and potatoes. The food was amazing and we all cleaned our plates. We then drove home, laughing and singing the whole time. All in all, it was a very nice day.
In other news, this upcoming week of physical therapy is going to be my last. I met with the doctor in charge of the place and he said that I'm doing well enough that I can start working out at home. But he added that in order to continue losing weight, I should really take things to the next level and do more than just walk, so I'm going to start using the BowFlex again. I was glad I got to walk some more hills today because I still need practice with that; I'd also like to look into getting a stationary bike or elliptical. I still think that you can get a great workout from walking, but I know that it's best to mix it up.
Right now, my biggest goal at the moment is to get in decent shape by February because my friends and I are talking about going to Greece! How awesome will that be? If that's not motivation, I don't know what is. Meantime, I'm looking forward to taking more day trips and small vacations. I still have a long way to go with my weight loss, but I'm loving the extra energy that I'm already getting!
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