I Think I Broke My Butt

I'm giving myself a virtual pat on the back right now (I'm not nearly flexible enough to reach all the way around) for doing 20 minutes on our BowFlex machine tonight. No, it's not much, but it's a start. And that's exactly where I want to be right now -- taking small steps, but eventually working my way up to more. I may be only doing 20 minutes right now, but I hope to soon be doing 30, and then 40, and then alternate my toning exercises with cardio.

Right now, my main goal is to strengthen my back so I've been working on exercises that focus on my shoulders, back and core muscles. The great thing about the BowFlex (and no, I'm not a spokesperson for them) is that you can do dozens of different exercises on it, so there's never a shortage of variety -- and you really do feel the workout. I'm not sure how a hard-core weight lifter would fare on the machine, but for an overweight, out-of-shape woman, it kicks butt.

The other great thing is that it's right in our living room! Once upon a time we had a fantastic little gym right around the corner from us that I went to all the time. It was in the basement of a building and didn't have a whole lot, but it had everything I wanted: elliptical machines, treadmills, stairclimbers, bikes and a weight circuit. During the two years I went there, I got into decent shape -- enough so that the other patrons noticed and I was able to do that 20-mile walk I'd mentioned yesterday. I especially loved the elliptical because I felt as if I were running, but it didn't put strain on my knees. One time, I even managed to do 90 minutes on it!

Unfortunately, the gym shut down in early 2007, due to rent issues, and I was devastated. I joined another nearby gym for around the same very inexpensive price, but it was awful. It was always crowded and they only had two ellipticals. Plus, they put so much chlorine in the pool that it was difficult to breathe during workouts. Needless to say, I wasn't inspired and didn't renew my membership. I considered joining a larger gym like New York Sports Club or Bally's, but frankly, I was nervous about being the "fat chick" amongst all of these in-shape folks. The good thing about these tiny gyms was that hardly anyone was in shape so I didn't feel uncomfortable.

That's why we decided to get the BowFlex. For a few months last year, I worked out on it religiously while training for a 10K (which I walked). Then after I finished the event, I don't know ... I just stopped. Don't ask me why; I'm not entirely sure why I keep sabotaging myself when I'm doing well. But once I stopped, the weight came back on, and as the weight came back on, it became physically more difficult for me to do my walks and work out. Basically, it turned into a vicious cycle, for which I know I'm entirely responsible.

This time, I'm not going to sign up for any events, at least not for a while, because I tend to see them as an "ending" -- that once the walk is completed, I can take a break and eat more. Instead, I want to take things gradually, focusing on the changes that I'll see in my day-to-day life. For now, being able to walk around the supermarket without being in pain will be a huge accomplishment for me.