It was exactly a year ago, April Fool's Day, 2010, that I broke my leg. I can't believe that so much time has passed already. I'm not 100 percent, but I can function and am getting stronger. I know that losing weight will help with my recovery.
I know it seems strange to call this a "happy" anniversary, but I'm grateful for many things. I'm glad that all I did was break my leg and not my neck; I'm glad that my job didn't give me a hard time about taking four months off; I'm glad that I had that time off to reflect on some things in my life, plus the time off gave me the opportunity to do a lot of writing and begin my jewelry venture.
The accident also made me change my perspective on some things. Some of the treatments I went through, like getting my bone popped in, hurt like hell, but I survived them. I survived the surgery. And for a brief time, I got to see what it's like being wheelchair bound. Obviously, I can't compare my situation to someone who is in a wheelchair for life, but I got a taste and it gave me a new respect for things many of us take advantage of. Since then, I've been happy just being able to do things like climb stairs or enter a restaurant or see a movie that's on the second floor. I still think about these things all the time.
I also find that I get less stressed about stuff, save for dealing with my parents. Before I broke my leg, I was thisclose to quitting my job and felt as if I weren't valued. Nowadays, I'm a lot more relaxed at work, even though I have more to do. This attitude has spread to other areas of my life, as well. When I'm with my friends, I like to laugh and celebrate the good things going on in my life rather than complain to them. Before I broke my leg, I was bitching to everyone about my job troubles and I'm sure that was tiresome. Now I'm making more of an effort to stay positive and to surround myself with positive people. In the past, I'd get jealous of friends -- because they were in better shape or had more money or had a new home -- but I'm taking more time to remind myself of what I DO have.
I'm definitely not perfect. There are days when I get very stressed our or angry, and when I complain about silly things. If you read through my entires when I was dealing with my broken leg, I complained often! But at least I've gained more self-awareness so that I can step back and deal with my problems. I hope I never break another bone, but if I had to do so, I'm glad that the incident had such a positive influence on my life.
Showing posts with label broken leg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken leg. Show all posts
Friday, April 1, 2011
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Have A Nice Trip
This evening, I got one of those dreaded calls from my dad; my mom had been taken to the hospital after tripping and falling on her face. The bad news: she had to have a broken tooth fixed (and she just had dental surgery literally about three days ago). She also has a hairline fracture on her knee and will need to wear a brace. The good news: she doesn't have a concussion, doesn't need surgery and can walk on her leg, despite the injury. Also, she and my dad can still go on their trip in the fall.
I don't know what it is with my family and why we keep falling and breaking things. Two years ago, my mom broke her wrist while hiking in Patagonia; my dad fell and sprained his ankle while walking around Easter Island (at least their injuries were "exotic.") Then my grandmother fell and broke HER wrist; and then this year, my mom and I were injured. I guess we're just klutzy people ... or perhaps we are cursed. Maybe I should change the name of this site to BROKEN Thighs Of The Beholder.
This isn't really about me today, but to bring this back to the theme of this blog for a moment, I did not binge, even though I was tempted. I was very stressed as I waited for my dad to call with news about the X-rays, but I forced myself not to buy chocolate and instead had a sensible meal of grilled chicken and rice.
Getting back to my mom, though, I'm glad that she's okay. I'm especially glad that the doctor gave her the go-ahead on their trip because she would've been really disappointed if she'd had to miss that. However, I think my family has filled our quota of keeping orthopedists in business. I'm all for us taking a break from anymore bad breaks for the time being!
I don't know what it is with my family and why we keep falling and breaking things. Two years ago, my mom broke her wrist while hiking in Patagonia; my dad fell and sprained his ankle while walking around Easter Island (at least their injuries were "exotic.") Then my grandmother fell and broke HER wrist; and then this year, my mom and I were injured. I guess we're just klutzy people ... or perhaps we are cursed. Maybe I should change the name of this site to BROKEN Thighs Of The Beholder.
This isn't really about me today, but to bring this back to the theme of this blog for a moment, I did not binge, even though I was tempted. I was very stressed as I waited for my dad to call with news about the X-rays, but I forced myself not to buy chocolate and instead had a sensible meal of grilled chicken and rice.
Getting back to my mom, though, I'm glad that she's okay. I'm especially glad that the doctor gave her the go-ahead on their trip because she would've been really disappointed if she'd had to miss that. However, I think my family has filled our quota of keeping orthopedists in business. I'm all for us taking a break from anymore bad breaks for the time being!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Get Up, Stand Up
Good news! My orthopedist says that my fracture looks to be healing much better than it was a few weeks ago and I can now walk again! Yay!
He suggested that I be "aggressive" because I don't quite have enough mobility in my heel and the back of my ankle/heel. The area is extremely stiff and I still can't quite flex my foot as far as it's supposed to go. That said, he gave me the go-ahead to add weights and time on the recumbant bike at my PT session on Saturday. Hopefully, they'll be able to help me get back full mobility in my heel so that I can walk normally again.
Meanwhile, I took a trial run at walking this afternoon. I use the term "walking" very loosely because it was more like shuffling while I gripped the rail of our building's staircase. I knew that my leg would feel weird -- I'd been warned by everyone I know who's broken a bone -- but I can't believe how WEAK it was. It felt as if I were standing on jelly and I had no balance. Jon had this idea that I'd be able to at least walk from one room to another, but I could barely lift my leg to even shuffle. I was very proud of the 20 steps or so that I did, just going back and forth and I gripped the rail.
I'm not too worried because I know that people generally improve pretty quickly in these cases. My mom says that when she first got the cast off of her arm, she couldn't do anything with that hand. But after a few weeks in PT, she was back to normal. As for me, I was barely able to rotate my ankle last week, but now I can easily do that. Now that I can work my leg again, I'll be able to regain my strength and balance. We're also going to get a recumbant bike for the home so I can also workout here.
While I was standing I tried to determine if I feel any lighter than a few weeks ago, but it was difficult to tell. I was really concentrating on not falling over! It's amazing how quickly you can build up muscle when you begin a workout. After a few sessions, things generally become easier, whether it be weight lifting, aerobics or running. On the other hand, our muscles also atrophy just as easily, it seems. I'm looking forward to having two legs to stand on again.
He suggested that I be "aggressive" because I don't quite have enough mobility in my heel and the back of my ankle/heel. The area is extremely stiff and I still can't quite flex my foot as far as it's supposed to go. That said, he gave me the go-ahead to add weights and time on the recumbant bike at my PT session on Saturday. Hopefully, they'll be able to help me get back full mobility in my heel so that I can walk normally again.
Meanwhile, I took a trial run at walking this afternoon. I use the term "walking" very loosely because it was more like shuffling while I gripped the rail of our building's staircase. I knew that my leg would feel weird -- I'd been warned by everyone I know who's broken a bone -- but I can't believe how WEAK it was. It felt as if I were standing on jelly and I had no balance. Jon had this idea that I'd be able to at least walk from one room to another, but I could barely lift my leg to even shuffle. I was very proud of the 20 steps or so that I did, just going back and forth and I gripped the rail.
I'm not too worried because I know that people generally improve pretty quickly in these cases. My mom says that when she first got the cast off of her arm, she couldn't do anything with that hand. But after a few weeks in PT, she was back to normal. As for me, I was barely able to rotate my ankle last week, but now I can easily do that. Now that I can work my leg again, I'll be able to regain my strength and balance. We're also going to get a recumbant bike for the home so I can also workout here.
While I was standing I tried to determine if I feel any lighter than a few weeks ago, but it was difficult to tell. I was really concentrating on not falling over! It's amazing how quickly you can build up muscle when you begin a workout. After a few sessions, things generally become easier, whether it be weight lifting, aerobics or running. On the other hand, our muscles also atrophy just as easily, it seems. I'm looking forward to having two legs to stand on again.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Small Changes
At this point, I'm still in a wheelchair and am still not sure if I'll be able to put weight on my leg on Thursday at my doctor's appointment. However, I've been doing my physical therapy and have noticed some small changes in regards to my weight.
For one thing, my husband says that I now appear to be more narrow from the back. He also says that I don't feel as heavy when he pushes me up the ramp from our building. Of course, it could just be that he's gotten stronger after pushing my wheelchair around for almost three months, but I'll take his word for it.
I am definitely not snoring as much, though. Before I would snore loudly enough that I would wake myself up, but Jon says that he hasn't really heard me snoring lately. I also haven't had a sleep apnea episode in a while. This weekend, we had a party and a friend slept over. I was so exhausted that while she was talking to me, I fell asleep in the bed, on my back, with my head rolled back. I usually wouldn't sleep this way because it's when I'm on my back that I have breathing episodes. But I didn't have one during my two-hour nap and my friend also reported that I wasn't snoring -- even in that awkward position.
Of course, with the party, I didn't eat as well as I should've. I had three drinks (for a light drinker like me, this is practically a binge) and had some leftover ziti and cake today. But I didn't go crazy, either. Our guests were like vultures so the food disappeared quickly -- and I was glad that we didn't have tons of stuff to get rid of (and for me to snack on). Tomorrow is another day and I will get back to my usual meals.
At the party, though, I really wasn't thinking of food at all. It was about being with my friends and laughing, and being grateful that I know such awesome people. I guess this is what life is about. Food is just one part of it.
For one thing, my husband says that I now appear to be more narrow from the back. He also says that I don't feel as heavy when he pushes me up the ramp from our building. Of course, it could just be that he's gotten stronger after pushing my wheelchair around for almost three months, but I'll take his word for it.
I am definitely not snoring as much, though. Before I would snore loudly enough that I would wake myself up, but Jon says that he hasn't really heard me snoring lately. I also haven't had a sleep apnea episode in a while. This weekend, we had a party and a friend slept over. I was so exhausted that while she was talking to me, I fell asleep in the bed, on my back, with my head rolled back. I usually wouldn't sleep this way because it's when I'm on my back that I have breathing episodes. But I didn't have one during my two-hour nap and my friend also reported that I wasn't snoring -- even in that awkward position.
Of course, with the party, I didn't eat as well as I should've. I had three drinks (for a light drinker like me, this is practically a binge) and had some leftover ziti and cake today. But I didn't go crazy, either. Our guests were like vultures so the food disappeared quickly -- and I was glad that we didn't have tons of stuff to get rid of (and for me to snack on). Tomorrow is another day and I will get back to my usual meals.
At the party, though, I really wasn't thinking of food at all. It was about being with my friends and laughing, and being grateful that I know such awesome people. I guess this is what life is about. Food is just one part of it.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Foot Notes
Since I have good news, I figured I'd give my post a nice punny title -- foot notes, geddit? Ha ha.
Anyway, my foot is well, actually starting to look normal -- less like a chicken fetus and more like a regular body part. It's still swollen and a bit bruised, but it's no longer shriveled and the skin is returning to its normal hue. When I look at it, I no longer cringe in horror at its disgusting appearance.
Even better, it's getting easier to move it. The physical therapist gave me some very simple exercises to do each day: basically, I spend a few minutes moving the foot back and forth and then side to side. I've been able to move it back and forth for a while, but it hurts less when I do that. And I can finally move it side to side! The therapist had warned that I might not ever be able to fully move it in that direction, but I can move it side to side and rotate it at the ankle, which I think is better than he'd expected me to be able to do. It's very stiff and I have to concentrate hard when I do it, but it's possible. I was even able to keep it in time with my other foot when I was moving both side to side simultaneously in a rhythm.
I'm hoping and praying that this means that the fracture is finally healing and I'll be up on my feet again. I'm still nervous about what that's going to feel like, but let me tell you, I'm way more confident about standing for the first time on a normal-looking foot than that withered THING I saw at the orthopedist's office last week. I feel that while I may be sore that this foot will at least be able to support me.
I'm wondering how long it'll be, though, before I can walk without worrying that I'll break my bone again. We went out to dinner tonight at a restaurant that's across the street from where I fell and I cringed as I saw the spot. I'm guessing that I'll feel dread whenever I pass it for a long time to come. But will I be able to do the things I enjoy, like hiking or dancing, in the near future? I hope so.
I was telling a friend recently that I hope that I'll be able to run again. He wondered why when I never really ran in the first place. But it's the idea that I CAN if I want to. I don't want my possibilities taken away. And who knows, maybe if I get into good enough shape, I'll like running. I ran for a short period during the summer between 8th and 9th grade and I really enjoyed it. I'd get up early -- around 5 a.m. when it was still cool out -- and jog about two miles around my neighborhood. I loved how quiet and still it was at that hour and how I'd always be awake when the sun first came up. Unfortunately, I stopped when school started and I was overwhelmed with homework and other activities. But I've never forgotten how peaceful it felt to do those runs. Maybe I want that back. I don't miss much about my teen years, but I do miss that feeling of being slender and light enough on my feet that I could run for an extended period of time. I was never athletic and disliked gym, but I enjoyed running when there weren't gym teachers screaming at me to go faster.
For now, though, I'll take a reasonably decent-looking foot. I've been fighting for it these past few months and it's nice to see that it finally seems to be fighting back.
Anyway, my foot is well, actually starting to look normal -- less like a chicken fetus and more like a regular body part. It's still swollen and a bit bruised, but it's no longer shriveled and the skin is returning to its normal hue. When I look at it, I no longer cringe in horror at its disgusting appearance.
Even better, it's getting easier to move it. The physical therapist gave me some very simple exercises to do each day: basically, I spend a few minutes moving the foot back and forth and then side to side. I've been able to move it back and forth for a while, but it hurts less when I do that. And I can finally move it side to side! The therapist had warned that I might not ever be able to fully move it in that direction, but I can move it side to side and rotate it at the ankle, which I think is better than he'd expected me to be able to do. It's very stiff and I have to concentrate hard when I do it, but it's possible. I was even able to keep it in time with my other foot when I was moving both side to side simultaneously in a rhythm.
I'm hoping and praying that this means that the fracture is finally healing and I'll be up on my feet again. I'm still nervous about what that's going to feel like, but let me tell you, I'm way more confident about standing for the first time on a normal-looking foot than that withered THING I saw at the orthopedist's office last week. I feel that while I may be sore that this foot will at least be able to support me.
I'm wondering how long it'll be, though, before I can walk without worrying that I'll break my bone again. We went out to dinner tonight at a restaurant that's across the street from where I fell and I cringed as I saw the spot. I'm guessing that I'll feel dread whenever I pass it for a long time to come. But will I be able to do the things I enjoy, like hiking or dancing, in the near future? I hope so.
I was telling a friend recently that I hope that I'll be able to run again. He wondered why when I never really ran in the first place. But it's the idea that I CAN if I want to. I don't want my possibilities taken away. And who knows, maybe if I get into good enough shape, I'll like running. I ran for a short period during the summer between 8th and 9th grade and I really enjoyed it. I'd get up early -- around 5 a.m. when it was still cool out -- and jog about two miles around my neighborhood. I loved how quiet and still it was at that hour and how I'd always be awake when the sun first came up. Unfortunately, I stopped when school started and I was overwhelmed with homework and other activities. But I've never forgotten how peaceful it felt to do those runs. Maybe I want that back. I don't miss much about my teen years, but I do miss that feeling of being slender and light enough on my feet that I could run for an extended period of time. I was never athletic and disliked gym, but I enjoyed running when there weren't gym teachers screaming at me to go faster.
For now, though, I'll take a reasonably decent-looking foot. I've been fighting for it these past few months and it's nice to see that it finally seems to be fighting back.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Hello, Captain Obvious!
So today was my first day of physical therapy. I didn't do much -- mainly showed the therapist my foot and he tested my range of motion. He was pleased to see that I can move it up and down, but says I might not ever be able to fully move it from side to side. Still, he assured me that I'd be walking again and will eventually have my life back.
Of course, my weight came up. Upon seeing it listed on my chart he remarked, "You do know that you need to lose weight, don't you?" Well, duh, yes, of course, I know! I get that he was trying to give me some friendly therapist/patient advice and he WAS a nice guy -- I liked him a lot and hope that he's my main therapist -- but let me tell you a little secret: fat people know that they need to lose weight. TRUST ME. We might not be able to accomplish this, for whatever reasons, be it lack of will power or emotional problems, etc., but we know that we're fat. Pointing it out to us isn't going to help us -- it just makes us think, "No, shit, Sherlock." Guess what? My leg is broken, too, but I didn't need anyone to point THAT out to me!
Just to clarify, I'm not in some sort of denial mode here; I don't expect the doctor or therapist to ignore my problem. But I guess I'd rather he or she just handle it more constructively, i.e., "Losing weight will help you when you begin walking again." I'm open to discussing my weight issues with any medical personnel, but I don't want to be treated like a dummy, either. Believe me, I've been trying to lose weight for years; hopefully, this blog is shedding some light on how complex a weight loss journey is.
Ultimately, we did get to talking in a more productive manner and he was impressed when I told him that I've been lifting weights. He encouraged me to continue and also gave me a few exercises to do with my foot. I asked if I can use a recumbant bicycle, but he said I can't since I'd be putting too much pressure on my foot. He seemed to think it was a positive sign that it didn't hurt when he poked at my leg. I'm just anxious to get going. My first real appointment is on Tuesday morning, so we'll see how it goes. Meantime, I'm going to follow the therapist's instructions and do my weight lifting and leg exercises each day.
All in all, it was a positive experience ... so far. Everyone who's had PT keeps warning me that it's going to get tough at points, so I can't say that I'm looking forward to that. It'll be worth it, though, if the exercise does help me lose some more weight in the longterm.
Of course, my weight came up. Upon seeing it listed on my chart he remarked, "You do know that you need to lose weight, don't you?" Well, duh, yes, of course, I know! I get that he was trying to give me some friendly therapist/patient advice and he WAS a nice guy -- I liked him a lot and hope that he's my main therapist -- but let me tell you a little secret: fat people know that they need to lose weight. TRUST ME. We might not be able to accomplish this, for whatever reasons, be it lack of will power or emotional problems, etc., but we know that we're fat. Pointing it out to us isn't going to help us -- it just makes us think, "No, shit, Sherlock." Guess what? My leg is broken, too, but I didn't need anyone to point THAT out to me!
Just to clarify, I'm not in some sort of denial mode here; I don't expect the doctor or therapist to ignore my problem. But I guess I'd rather he or she just handle it more constructively, i.e., "Losing weight will help you when you begin walking again." I'm open to discussing my weight issues with any medical personnel, but I don't want to be treated like a dummy, either. Believe me, I've been trying to lose weight for years; hopefully, this blog is shedding some light on how complex a weight loss journey is.
Ultimately, we did get to talking in a more productive manner and he was impressed when I told him that I've been lifting weights. He encouraged me to continue and also gave me a few exercises to do with my foot. I asked if I can use a recumbant bicycle, but he said I can't since I'd be putting too much pressure on my foot. He seemed to think it was a positive sign that it didn't hurt when he poked at my leg. I'm just anxious to get going. My first real appointment is on Tuesday morning, so we'll see how it goes. Meantime, I'm going to follow the therapist's instructions and do my weight lifting and leg exercises each day.
All in all, it was a positive experience ... so far. Everyone who's had PT keeps warning me that it's going to get tough at points, so I can't say that I'm looking forward to that. It'll be worth it, though, if the exercise does help me lose some more weight in the longterm.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Seeing A Difference?
This weekend, I went out to dinner with a bunch of people and my best guy friend noted that he could see that I've lost weight. He's absolutely not the type to coddle me and give me a compliment simply as a means of making me feel good, so I know that he was sincere when he said this.
I'm not sure that I can see a difference myself, especially since these days I'm unable to stand in front of a full-length mirror. But I have to say that I do feel pretty good, broken leg aside. I don't know if it's because I've been away from my job, but I feel less stressed out and more energized. I also haven't had a sleep apnea episode in a long time. I even fell asleep on my back a couple of days ago and was okay, whereas a few months ago, I would've had breathing problems.
Of course, I'm still obese and have a long way to go before I'm remotely in the range of "normal." It's frustrating to not be able to do things, though I begin physical therapy this week, so that will be a start. Still, getting told that my weight loss is noticeable is very encouraging and means that I'm at least doing something right. So for now, I guess, I will continue following my "broken leg plan" of lifting weights, eating well and eating in moderation. Meantime, I now have an extra three weeks to lose some more pounds before I start walking, so maybe having to be off of my feet still is, in a way, a blessing in disguise.
I'm not sure that I can see a difference myself, especially since these days I'm unable to stand in front of a full-length mirror. But I have to say that I do feel pretty good, broken leg aside. I don't know if it's because I've been away from my job, but I feel less stressed out and more energized. I also haven't had a sleep apnea episode in a long time. I even fell asleep on my back a couple of days ago and was okay, whereas a few months ago, I would've had breathing problems.
Of course, I'm still obese and have a long way to go before I'm remotely in the range of "normal." It's frustrating to not be able to do things, though I begin physical therapy this week, so that will be a start. Still, getting told that my weight loss is noticeable is very encouraging and means that I'm at least doing something right. So for now, I guess, I will continue following my "broken leg plan" of lifting weights, eating well and eating in moderation. Meantime, I now have an extra three weeks to lose some more pounds before I start walking, so maybe having to be off of my feet still is, in a way, a blessing in disguise.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Good News, Bad News
First the good news: my hard cast was removed today and I am now sporting an Air Cast, which looks a bit like a Storm Trooper boot. I'm also beginning physical therapy next week so that I can start regaining stength in my bad leg. My doctor says that it's healing well.
Unfortunately, it hasn't healed enough for me to start walking on it. The bone is still fractured, so I have to wait another three weeks. Damn.
This news, of course, messes up a lot of my plans. I'm going to need more time off from work, which I'm sure my boss will LOVE, and it means more work for Jon, who's been taking such good care of me. It also means three more weeks until I can stand on the scale again. So for any readers who've been keeping up with my "countdown," I'm afraid, it's kind of anticlimactic. Guess you'll have to tune in for Countdown, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Meantime, I'll continue lifting weights, plus I'll now be getting my workouts at physical therapy. Not sure what they'll be able to have me do since I can't stand up -- I guess they'll have me stretch the foot or perhaps someone will manipulate it. My doctor is also having someone come by my place with this ultrasound machine that stimulates the bone growth. How high tech -- and weird! I wish they made something like that to destimulate fat. It would be sort of like liposuction, only instead of sucking out fat, you'd vibrate it and it would melt. If only...
At this point, I'm wondering if I ever really wil walk again, but since my leg IS improving, I guess I have to believe it. Still, I was feeling a little sad as I looked over some pics from the New Zealand trip that we took a few years ago. I was in decent shape at the time and was able to do quite a bit of hiking -- more than I'd anticipated. I hope that I'll be able to have another trip like that, if not in NZ than somewhere else.
My emotions have been all over the place during this journey. Some days, I'm fine and even happy and then there are days like today, where I'm a bit frustrated. All I want is to be healthy again -- in regards to my weight, my leg and my mental well-being.
Unfortunately, it hasn't healed enough for me to start walking on it. The bone is still fractured, so I have to wait another three weeks. Damn.
This news, of course, messes up a lot of my plans. I'm going to need more time off from work, which I'm sure my boss will LOVE, and it means more work for Jon, who's been taking such good care of me. It also means three more weeks until I can stand on the scale again. So for any readers who've been keeping up with my "countdown," I'm afraid, it's kind of anticlimactic. Guess you'll have to tune in for Countdown, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Meantime, I'll continue lifting weights, plus I'll now be getting my workouts at physical therapy. Not sure what they'll be able to have me do since I can't stand up -- I guess they'll have me stretch the foot or perhaps someone will manipulate it. My doctor is also having someone come by my place with this ultrasound machine that stimulates the bone growth. How high tech -- and weird! I wish they made something like that to destimulate fat. It would be sort of like liposuction, only instead of sucking out fat, you'd vibrate it and it would melt. If only...
At this point, I'm wondering if I ever really wil walk again, but since my leg IS improving, I guess I have to believe it. Still, I was feeling a little sad as I looked over some pics from the New Zealand trip that we took a few years ago. I was in decent shape at the time and was able to do quite a bit of hiking -- more than I'd anticipated. I hope that I'll be able to have another trip like that, if not in NZ than somewhere else.
My emotions have been all over the place during this journey. Some days, I'm fine and even happy and then there are days like today, where I'm a bit frustrated. All I want is to be healthy again -- in regards to my weight, my leg and my mental well-being.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Countdown Continues
OK, three more days to go until the cast comes off. As of now, the leg feels pretty good. I can rotate the ankle and it feels almost ... normal. I can't even imagine what it'll feel like to walk on it again, though.
Meantime, I'm still trying to work out and move around as best I can. I started weight training with the 8-pound weights instead of the 5-pound ones and it's been going well so far. I can't do as many reps for each move, but that's to be expected. But pretty soon, I'll be able to go back to the Bowflex without having to worry about slipping off the bench or tripping over the cables. Then I'll be able to do full-body workouts. I have no idea what physical therapy will be like, but I'm guessing that they'll have me do some moves that involve light weight training on my leg. The Bowflex has a few of these moves that I can do, so I'll be able to build some strength into it at home.
I'd like to get back into walking outside again because I now have a specific event I'd like to train for (the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society's 10K, next May) and a couple of friends to do this with. Right now, I can't realistically imagine being able to walk far, though, so I've been thinking of getting a cheap recumbant bike. They have some that are less than $150 and have gotten good reviews. I always liked the recumbant bike at the gym and it would be a great way to help build up my leg, too.
This has been a little weird keeping a weight loss blog when I have no idea how much I've lost (or gained). I have a feeling that I've stayed about the same, which I can accept. I think that when I go back to work and have to squeeze in physical therapy, as well, that I won't even have TIME to eat, so I'll see a loss then!
Meantime, I'm still trying to work out and move around as best I can. I started weight training with the 8-pound weights instead of the 5-pound ones and it's been going well so far. I can't do as many reps for each move, but that's to be expected. But pretty soon, I'll be able to go back to the Bowflex without having to worry about slipping off the bench or tripping over the cables. Then I'll be able to do full-body workouts. I have no idea what physical therapy will be like, but I'm guessing that they'll have me do some moves that involve light weight training on my leg. The Bowflex has a few of these moves that I can do, so I'll be able to build some strength into it at home.
I'd like to get back into walking outside again because I now have a specific event I'd like to train for (the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society's 10K, next May) and a couple of friends to do this with. Right now, I can't realistically imagine being able to walk far, though, so I've been thinking of getting a cheap recumbant bike. They have some that are less than $150 and have gotten good reviews. I always liked the recumbant bike at the gym and it would be a great way to help build up my leg, too.
This has been a little weird keeping a weight loss blog when I have no idea how much I've lost (or gained). I have a feeling that I've stayed about the same, which I can accept. I think that when I go back to work and have to squeeze in physical therapy, as well, that I won't even have TIME to eat, so I'll see a loss then!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Guilt And Other Emotions
I just heard from a co-worker saying how much I'm missed and asking when I'm returning. We're friends so I know that most of the reason he sent the message is because he really does miss me as a person. However, knowing him as I do, I also know that he's sick of covering assignments for me in my absence. He and I normally work together as a team, so I realize that me not being there has been especially hard on him.
That said, I'm still a little annoyed by the message, especially since similar ones have come up before, like when I've been on vacation. But in this case, it's not my fault that I broke my leg. It's not my fault that our company wouldn't let me telecommute, even though I offered to do so. I feel badly that my co-workers are having to do extra work on my behalf, though I've been told that several of my assignments have been put on hold, which definitely lightens the load. And to be fair, my salary has been seriously slashed since I've been out so it's not like I'm being paid to be "on vacation." Quite the opposite, in fact.
I hate the fact that I feel guilty about this in the first place. I like everyone at my job, but the job itself hasn't always been good to me. I've always worked really hard and I just want to be able to recover without having to stress about work. Now that my leave of absence is almost over, I'm having to think more about juggling things in the "real world," like physical therapy, doctor's appointments and well, my job. Frankly, my recovery comes first. If I have an assignment that needs to be handed over because I have physical therapy, then tough. My health is the priority.
I've been a wimp at work in the past, but I've already decided that one of the first things I'm going to do is have a long talk with my boss about my various concerns. This way, we can openly address them and come up with a plan for dealing before things get too crazy.
My therapist ended up calling me in the middle of my writing this post and suggested that my accident and everything following it will give me the chance to finally stand up for myself at work. I suppose it will. If there's one thing that this has taught me -- and I know I've said this before -- is that I'm stronger than I thought. I've dealt with pain, having my bone popped into place and surgery, and have lived. I can't say I've been brave because I've been worrying and crying at every obstacle, but I haven't had a choice in having to deal with these things. And yet, I've come out OK, and even better in most cases, once the pain was over.
That said, I'm still a little annoyed by the message, especially since similar ones have come up before, like when I've been on vacation. But in this case, it's not my fault that I broke my leg. It's not my fault that our company wouldn't let me telecommute, even though I offered to do so. I feel badly that my co-workers are having to do extra work on my behalf, though I've been told that several of my assignments have been put on hold, which definitely lightens the load. And to be fair, my salary has been seriously slashed since I've been out so it's not like I'm being paid to be "on vacation." Quite the opposite, in fact.
I hate the fact that I feel guilty about this in the first place. I like everyone at my job, but the job itself hasn't always been good to me. I've always worked really hard and I just want to be able to recover without having to stress about work. Now that my leave of absence is almost over, I'm having to think more about juggling things in the "real world," like physical therapy, doctor's appointments and well, my job. Frankly, my recovery comes first. If I have an assignment that needs to be handed over because I have physical therapy, then tough. My health is the priority.
I've been a wimp at work in the past, but I've already decided that one of the first things I'm going to do is have a long talk with my boss about my various concerns. This way, we can openly address them and come up with a plan for dealing before things get too crazy.
My therapist ended up calling me in the middle of my writing this post and suggested that my accident and everything following it will give me the chance to finally stand up for myself at work. I suppose it will. If there's one thing that this has taught me -- and I know I've said this before -- is that I'm stronger than I thought. I've dealt with pain, having my bone popped into place and surgery, and have lived. I can't say I've been brave because I've been worrying and crying at every obstacle, but I haven't had a choice in having to deal with these things. And yet, I've come out OK, and even better in most cases, once the pain was over.
Sleeping Beauty
Now that I've been recovering from my broken leg for a few weeks, it's coming up in my dreams; I keep dreaming that I'm walking on it and that it's OK -- hopefully a good sign for those of you who believe in dreams predicting the future.
That said, I also have frequent dreams about my weight, which apparently I can't even escape in my sleep. The most common ones I have are where I'm naked and in public and everyone is mocking my weight; I'm at a clothing store and nothing fits (that one is pretty close to reality, sadly); I'm fighting with my mom over my weight (another reality-based one) or I'm reuniting with someone from high school and they're laughing at me for no longer being thin.
Well, last night I finally had a new variation on the "being fat and getting mocked" dream. In it, Jon urged me to start dating again, "just in case" something happened to him. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but agreed to go on a few blind dates just to shut him up. Unfortunately (or fortunately since I'm MARRIED, even while I'm asleep), my "dream" date (heh) turned out to be anything but and stated that he couldn't see why anyone would want to be with a fat chick like me (sidenote: El Jerko resembled George Costanza, so he was not exactly a looker himself!). I then stood up in the middle of the restaurant that we were in and loudly ordered him to "pack his penis and go." HA!
While in real-life, I don't intend to start dating anytime soon -- my actual husband and gay trophy husband are all I need right now -- I do love the line and am now going to have to find ways to use, "Pack your penis and go," in everyday conversation. I'm pleased that while my dream self may be as heavy as my real self, that at least we both can come up with a good zinger on the spot.
That said, I also have frequent dreams about my weight, which apparently I can't even escape in my sleep. The most common ones I have are where I'm naked and in public and everyone is mocking my weight; I'm at a clothing store and nothing fits (that one is pretty close to reality, sadly); I'm fighting with my mom over my weight (another reality-based one) or I'm reuniting with someone from high school and they're laughing at me for no longer being thin.
Well, last night I finally had a new variation on the "being fat and getting mocked" dream. In it, Jon urged me to start dating again, "just in case" something happened to him. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but agreed to go on a few blind dates just to shut him up. Unfortunately (or fortunately since I'm MARRIED, even while I'm asleep), my "dream" date (heh) turned out to be anything but and stated that he couldn't see why anyone would want to be with a fat chick like me (sidenote: El Jerko resembled George Costanza, so he was not exactly a looker himself!). I then stood up in the middle of the restaurant that we were in and loudly ordered him to "pack his penis and go." HA!
While in real-life, I don't intend to start dating anytime soon -- my actual husband and gay trophy husband are all I need right now -- I do love the line and am now going to have to find ways to use, "Pack your penis and go," in everyday conversation. I'm pleased that while my dream self may be as heavy as my real self, that at least we both can come up with a good zinger on the spot.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
One Week To Go...
Exactly a week from tomorrow I will be getting my hard cast off and will switch to a walking cast. Presumably, I will be able to put weight on my bad leg again and will slowly get back to normal.
This should be good news, but I'm apprehensive, to say the least. For one thing, I'm a wimp and I always seem to end up in some form of pain when I'm at the orthopedist's. Everyone who's recovered from a broken leg has told me that it feels "weird" at first, but I'm just going to go ahead and assume that "weird" is code for "painful." If I'm a little sore, I can deal with it, I think, but the last time I stood on that leg (when I accidentally put my foot down while trying to use crutches), I just about passed out from the agony. Of course, that happened two months ago, so I like to think that my leg has healed a lot since then.
However, I'm also nervous about returning to "normal." Prior to breaking my leg, my being able to walk wasn't necessarily a happy thing for me. Because of my weight, I slugged around and had terrible back pain. Even going to my office -- a 10-minute walk from the bus stop -- was a drag, especially because it's up a hill. I had all of my stops planned out. I'd walk two blocks, then sit on the steps by the church; walk another two and sit on the low ledge by the library; get my breakfast at the deli and then sit on one of the big flower pots in front of our office building while I fished out my work ID from my bag. So that was several stops in the course of a very short walk and yet I still couldn't wait to sit down once I made it upstairs to my office.
Of course, it was even more difficult getting out to do things. If we went into the city, I'd try to find things to do that were right near a subway stop so that I wouldn't have to walk far. I'd planned to have my birthday at a lounge that was right off of the E train, but then they ended up rerouting it that night. We had to get off about three blocks away ... but for me, it felt like three miles. I was so sore and sweaty by the time we arrived and I know that Jon was sick of hearing me complain.
On weekends, I'd often stay in just because I didn't want to have to walk to the movies or to the park. It was more than me being lazy. I WANTED to go. I WANTED to do stuff. It was just hard to get up the motivation when I knew that I'd be hurting. Jon was always patient with me and never said anything when I wanted to take a rest -- even if it was at every block -- but walking was just plain hard for me.
That said, I have to admit that it's been a bit of a relief to be able to go places without having to experience back pain. I've managed to do a lot in the wheelchair and it's been well, nice, being able to go out and see stuff -- and actually enjoy the experience. A few weeks ago, Jon and I went to pick up my walking boot, then took in a movie and lunch at an outdoor cafe near the park. It was such a nice day, but had I walked there (it's about a mile and change from our place), I would've been hurting.
This is why I worry. Now that one of my legs isn't going to be in great shape, how much worse am I going to feel than I did before? I've been lifting weights and trying to watch what I eat, but I have no idea whether I've lost or gained weight or what. I FEEL pretty good -- I've definitely built up some upper body strength -- but I'm still obese. If it took all of my energy to walk a few blocks on two good legs, how on earth will I do it with one-and-a-half? Is it even going to be possible or am I going to have to take more time off from work, simply because I won't be able to move my huge body?
Jon keeps telling me that it'll take time and I'll slowly get my walking back. He's suggested that we keep the wheelchair for a while so that he can still take me longer distances and then I can work on walking around the house, around stores, a block at a time. As for going to work, I guess I'll just have to take it really slowly like the elderly man in our building who practically crawls to the bus stop with his walker each day. And then I'll be in physical therapy. I'm going to be honest with them about what bad shape I was in even before I broke my leg and see if they can assist me with some exercises that will strengthen my back, as well. I guess all I can do is my best and if I need to take more time off to improve, I will. They've done OK without me so far.
I want to get well and I want to get into shape again -- and I know that the only way that I'm going to do this is if I lose weight and push myself. But I'm really not looking forward to dealing with the constant pain that's going to come with it. Part of me wishes I had just one more month to be off of my feet.
This should be good news, but I'm apprehensive, to say the least. For one thing, I'm a wimp and I always seem to end up in some form of pain when I'm at the orthopedist's. Everyone who's recovered from a broken leg has told me that it feels "weird" at first, but I'm just going to go ahead and assume that "weird" is code for "painful." If I'm a little sore, I can deal with it, I think, but the last time I stood on that leg (when I accidentally put my foot down while trying to use crutches), I just about passed out from the agony. Of course, that happened two months ago, so I like to think that my leg has healed a lot since then.
However, I'm also nervous about returning to "normal." Prior to breaking my leg, my being able to walk wasn't necessarily a happy thing for me. Because of my weight, I slugged around and had terrible back pain. Even going to my office -- a 10-minute walk from the bus stop -- was a drag, especially because it's up a hill. I had all of my stops planned out. I'd walk two blocks, then sit on the steps by the church; walk another two and sit on the low ledge by the library; get my breakfast at the deli and then sit on one of the big flower pots in front of our office building while I fished out my work ID from my bag. So that was several stops in the course of a very short walk and yet I still couldn't wait to sit down once I made it upstairs to my office.
Of course, it was even more difficult getting out to do things. If we went into the city, I'd try to find things to do that were right near a subway stop so that I wouldn't have to walk far. I'd planned to have my birthday at a lounge that was right off of the E train, but then they ended up rerouting it that night. We had to get off about three blocks away ... but for me, it felt like three miles. I was so sore and sweaty by the time we arrived and I know that Jon was sick of hearing me complain.
On weekends, I'd often stay in just because I didn't want to have to walk to the movies or to the park. It was more than me being lazy. I WANTED to go. I WANTED to do stuff. It was just hard to get up the motivation when I knew that I'd be hurting. Jon was always patient with me and never said anything when I wanted to take a rest -- even if it was at every block -- but walking was just plain hard for me.
That said, I have to admit that it's been a bit of a relief to be able to go places without having to experience back pain. I've managed to do a lot in the wheelchair and it's been well, nice, being able to go out and see stuff -- and actually enjoy the experience. A few weeks ago, Jon and I went to pick up my walking boot, then took in a movie and lunch at an outdoor cafe near the park. It was such a nice day, but had I walked there (it's about a mile and change from our place), I would've been hurting.
This is why I worry. Now that one of my legs isn't going to be in great shape, how much worse am I going to feel than I did before? I've been lifting weights and trying to watch what I eat, but I have no idea whether I've lost or gained weight or what. I FEEL pretty good -- I've definitely built up some upper body strength -- but I'm still obese. If it took all of my energy to walk a few blocks on two good legs, how on earth will I do it with one-and-a-half? Is it even going to be possible or am I going to have to take more time off from work, simply because I won't be able to move my huge body?
Jon keeps telling me that it'll take time and I'll slowly get my walking back. He's suggested that we keep the wheelchair for a while so that he can still take me longer distances and then I can work on walking around the house, around stores, a block at a time. As for going to work, I guess I'll just have to take it really slowly like the elderly man in our building who practically crawls to the bus stop with his walker each day. And then I'll be in physical therapy. I'm going to be honest with them about what bad shape I was in even before I broke my leg and see if they can assist me with some exercises that will strengthen my back, as well. I guess all I can do is my best and if I need to take more time off to improve, I will. They've done OK without me so far.
I want to get well and I want to get into shape again -- and I know that the only way that I'm going to do this is if I lose weight and push myself. But I'm really not looking forward to dealing with the constant pain that's going to come with it. Part of me wishes I had just one more month to be off of my feet.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Observations
Now that my broken leg journey is (presumably) coming to an end on June 3 when I get my cast off, my therapist suggested that I write down all of the things that I've experienced that people in a wheelchair have to go through. This way, I won't forget them when I'm walking again. I think that this is a great idea because I feel like I have learned a lot and have suddenly had to become aware of things I've never imagined. That said, here is my list:
1. Crutches are a bitch to use. They are dangerous and not easy to navigate AT ALL. My hat goes off to those of you who can master using crutches and even get up and down stairs. I could barely walk two steps without slipping and putting my bad leg down, hence me using the wheelchair. I guess, once a klutz, always a klutz...
2. Restaurants and other public establishments have a very loose idea of what is considered "wheelchair accessible." Some have a makeshift ramp to put over stairs. Some have last-minute ramps built in that are too narrow for a wheelchair, but count as being "wheelchair accessible" so that they're within the confines of the law. Some have a low step that you can technically get over in a wheelchair if you're picked up and pulled over, but it's a pain. This past weekend, I missed out on attending my friends' party because the only "wheelchair accessible" area available was the outside seating in the front (and yes, this apparently counts). Since they sat everyone in the back patio (that had stairs leading to it), they could not accomodate me. I've been fortunate in that I've gotten to go out and do a lot during these two months of healing, but I've learned that there are many cases where a paraylized person or someone with ALS or MS or any other condition that puts you in a wheelchair could be left out.
3. Sidewalks SUCK. Seriously. Or at least the ones in New York City do. They're crooked, busted, bumpy and often tilt on an angle. When Jon has pushed me down the sidewalk in the chair, it's a two-person effort with me pointing out all of the bumps and cracks and him trying to avoid them. It's reached a point where I've memorized the sidewalks so we know exactly how to go and where the rough spots are. I'd never really paid much attention to them before, but they've taken on a new character for me.
4. Doors suck, too. Every time I go through a door, it's a new obstacle: is the door too narrow, is there a door molding to go over, a ramp leading to the door, etc? Again, I've never noticed so much about entrances before -- for example, there is about a six-inch rise leading into our apartment's bathroom -- but now I find myself staring at random doorways and plotting how I'd get inside certain buildings.
5. Using a wheelchair takes a lot of upper body strength. Rolling those wheels is not so easy. You really get a workout doing it. And even if you're being pushed, you can't really just sit back, especially if you weigh as much as I do. I've learned to grab onto pipes, railings, anything available to help propel myself along, especially up hills.
6. Getting out of a wheelchair is an art. I don't know how people who can't use their legs at all manage, but somehow many do. But for me, it's become a little like rock climbing, where you have to look ahead and plot out every move, "I'll grab onto this rail and then move my foot this way and then slide in." I've gotten pretty good at it, though. I can now get in and out of cars as easily as I do even without the broken leg. And I even figured out how to navigate our non-wheelchair accessible bathroom.
7. Rolling office chairs with wheels make decent wheelchair substitutes! Okay, for anyone reading this, go out and get yourself a rolling office chair. They cost maybe $50 and it's the type of thing you'll use all of the time. Plus, you just never know if you might injure yourself and if you do, they are SO handy. Because the wheelchair didn't fit through some of the doors in our 1930s apartment, I had to use the office chair. I even used it on my first night home from the hospital when the stupid hospital wouldn't let me borrow a wheelchair and sent me home with crutches (even though the doctor didn't think I should use the crutches. Idiot.) After falling and hurting myself, I had Jon take me upstairs in the office chair ... and it took a long time, but it worked. That office chair was my saving grace. I'm not kidding when I say that I wish I could buy our two office chairs some beers to thank them!
8. People tend to be nice to someone in a wheelchair. I don't know if it's pity or just that most people want to help, but I encountered so many people who held doors for me or stoppped me on the street to say that they hoped I felt better soon. Of course, others were oblivious and got in my way, but most were kind. Who says that New Yorkers are rude? We rock!
9. When in a wheelchair, your world becomes a lot smaller. Because you now have to plot how to get everywhere, simply getting across the street is an adventure. I think I will appreciate being able to go distances again, without the help of a chair or car and by simply using my feet.
10. I've often been concerned about the limitations that obese people face (not fitting in airline or movie seats or booths; having to shop in special stores), but now have a new appreciation for all that wheelchair-bound people have to deal with. Unfortunately, many folks in a wheelchair can't reverse their conditions, whereas obese people at least have that option. Yes, it's hard, but the possibility is at least there, whereas it probably isn't (at least until more research is done) for those who are paralyzed. I'm hoping to do some more to raise awareness of this, even if it's on a small scale. For starters, when I return to work, I'm going to question the fire martial about what we should do if a wheelchaired person is on our floor. In drills, they always tell us to take the stairs, but if a person can't take the stairs, there needs to be another option. I'm also going to speak up when I'm on the bus and I see people rolling their eyes at those who have to have the wheelchair pick-up lowered. Yes, it takes an extra 10 minutes, but it's necessary! Me doing these things is not much, but it's a start in making people aware that we need to make things more accessible for others.
1. Crutches are a bitch to use. They are dangerous and not easy to navigate AT ALL. My hat goes off to those of you who can master using crutches and even get up and down stairs. I could barely walk two steps without slipping and putting my bad leg down, hence me using the wheelchair. I guess, once a klutz, always a klutz...
2. Restaurants and other public establishments have a very loose idea of what is considered "wheelchair accessible." Some have a makeshift ramp to put over stairs. Some have last-minute ramps built in that are too narrow for a wheelchair, but count as being "wheelchair accessible" so that they're within the confines of the law. Some have a low step that you can technically get over in a wheelchair if you're picked up and pulled over, but it's a pain. This past weekend, I missed out on attending my friends' party because the only "wheelchair accessible" area available was the outside seating in the front (and yes, this apparently counts). Since they sat everyone in the back patio (that had stairs leading to it), they could not accomodate me. I've been fortunate in that I've gotten to go out and do a lot during these two months of healing, but I've learned that there are many cases where a paraylized person or someone with ALS or MS or any other condition that puts you in a wheelchair could be left out.
3. Sidewalks SUCK. Seriously. Or at least the ones in New York City do. They're crooked, busted, bumpy and often tilt on an angle. When Jon has pushed me down the sidewalk in the chair, it's a two-person effort with me pointing out all of the bumps and cracks and him trying to avoid them. It's reached a point where I've memorized the sidewalks so we know exactly how to go and where the rough spots are. I'd never really paid much attention to them before, but they've taken on a new character for me.
4. Doors suck, too. Every time I go through a door, it's a new obstacle: is the door too narrow, is there a door molding to go over, a ramp leading to the door, etc? Again, I've never noticed so much about entrances before -- for example, there is about a six-inch rise leading into our apartment's bathroom -- but now I find myself staring at random doorways and plotting how I'd get inside certain buildings.
5. Using a wheelchair takes a lot of upper body strength. Rolling those wheels is not so easy. You really get a workout doing it. And even if you're being pushed, you can't really just sit back, especially if you weigh as much as I do. I've learned to grab onto pipes, railings, anything available to help propel myself along, especially up hills.
6. Getting out of a wheelchair is an art. I don't know how people who can't use their legs at all manage, but somehow many do. But for me, it's become a little like rock climbing, where you have to look ahead and plot out every move, "I'll grab onto this rail and then move my foot this way and then slide in." I've gotten pretty good at it, though. I can now get in and out of cars as easily as I do even without the broken leg. And I even figured out how to navigate our non-wheelchair accessible bathroom.
7. Rolling office chairs with wheels make decent wheelchair substitutes! Okay, for anyone reading this, go out and get yourself a rolling office chair. They cost maybe $50 and it's the type of thing you'll use all of the time. Plus, you just never know if you might injure yourself and if you do, they are SO handy. Because the wheelchair didn't fit through some of the doors in our 1930s apartment, I had to use the office chair. I even used it on my first night home from the hospital when the stupid hospital wouldn't let me borrow a wheelchair and sent me home with crutches (even though the doctor didn't think I should use the crutches. Idiot.) After falling and hurting myself, I had Jon take me upstairs in the office chair ... and it took a long time, but it worked. That office chair was my saving grace. I'm not kidding when I say that I wish I could buy our two office chairs some beers to thank them!
8. People tend to be nice to someone in a wheelchair. I don't know if it's pity or just that most people want to help, but I encountered so many people who held doors for me or stoppped me on the street to say that they hoped I felt better soon. Of course, others were oblivious and got in my way, but most were kind. Who says that New Yorkers are rude? We rock!
9. When in a wheelchair, your world becomes a lot smaller. Because you now have to plot how to get everywhere, simply getting across the street is an adventure. I think I will appreciate being able to go distances again, without the help of a chair or car and by simply using my feet.
10. I've often been concerned about the limitations that obese people face (not fitting in airline or movie seats or booths; having to shop in special stores), but now have a new appreciation for all that wheelchair-bound people have to deal with. Unfortunately, many folks in a wheelchair can't reverse their conditions, whereas obese people at least have that option. Yes, it's hard, but the possibility is at least there, whereas it probably isn't (at least until more research is done) for those who are paralyzed. I'm hoping to do some more to raise awareness of this, even if it's on a small scale. For starters, when I return to work, I'm going to question the fire martial about what we should do if a wheelchaired person is on our floor. In drills, they always tell us to take the stairs, but if a person can't take the stairs, there needs to be another option. I'm also going to speak up when I'm on the bus and I see people rolling their eyes at those who have to have the wheelchair pick-up lowered. Yes, it takes an extra 10 minutes, but it's necessary! Me doing these things is not much, but it's a start in making people aware that we need to make things more accessible for others.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Fabulous 40
I just completed a 40-minute workout! That's about double what I've been doing for the past few weeks. It felt really good, too. I've discovered that Britney Spears, Madonna and disco songs are the best for getting in a good performance. Cheesy, yes, but the beats are quick and the time flew by.
I think at this point I'm going to switch to 8-pound weights for a few routines. I'm still doing many reps with my 5-pound hand weights at the moment, and though they're light, trust me, you feel the burn when you do 30 or 40 reps with them. But it's reaching a point where even that is getting kind of easy for me, so I'm going to try the 8-pounders and see how it goes. It's just good to get moving, though. Tonight I went out with two friends to the Spanish restaurant across the street from me and they were playing live salsa music. I so wanted to get up and dance because I love salsa, but all I could do was wiggle a big in my wheelchair. My friends did promise that we'd go dancing as soon as I can, so my workouts are a good way to get that energy out of my system.
As of today, it's exactly two more weeks until my cast comes off. Now that me actually walking again is beginning to seem like more of a reality (though I'm still nervous about the future), I've been thinking of things I'd really like to do when I have my legs back:
1. Go dancing. I haven't done this in a long time, but it's so much fun -- and a good workout. The last time I did some serious dancing, other than at a wedding, was back in 2007 when I went with friends to Disney. We stayed at the Pleasure Island clubs until 2 a.m. and danced the entire time.
2. Go on a hike. Haven't done this in a while either, mainly because I've felt out of shape. But if I keep working out, I'll be able to build up to doing this again. It would be awesome to do a short hike in the fall.
3. Train for a charity walk. Once I can walk again, I want to show my thanks by giving back. I now have new motivation because I know of someone who is ill and I'd like to do something to help. Since I can't really do anything on the medical end, raising some money for research by doing a walk is the next best thing. When I've done charity walks in the past, it's always felt good, but it's different when it becomes personal.
4. Buy some cute shoes. Shallow, yes, but all I ever really wear are sneakers. I definitely need to spice up my footwear!
5. Get a pedicure. I don't nearly pamper myself enough and the last time I got a pedi, I really enjoyed it.
I'm sure I'll think of more things as time goes on, but for now, these are helping to motivate me. I need all of the motivation I can get.
I think at this point I'm going to switch to 8-pound weights for a few routines. I'm still doing many reps with my 5-pound hand weights at the moment, and though they're light, trust me, you feel the burn when you do 30 or 40 reps with them. But it's reaching a point where even that is getting kind of easy for me, so I'm going to try the 8-pounders and see how it goes. It's just good to get moving, though. Tonight I went out with two friends to the Spanish restaurant across the street from me and they were playing live salsa music. I so wanted to get up and dance because I love salsa, but all I could do was wiggle a big in my wheelchair. My friends did promise that we'd go dancing as soon as I can, so my workouts are a good way to get that energy out of my system.
As of today, it's exactly two more weeks until my cast comes off. Now that me actually walking again is beginning to seem like more of a reality (though I'm still nervous about the future), I've been thinking of things I'd really like to do when I have my legs back:
1. Go dancing. I haven't done this in a long time, but it's so much fun -- and a good workout. The last time I did some serious dancing, other than at a wedding, was back in 2007 when I went with friends to Disney. We stayed at the Pleasure Island clubs until 2 a.m. and danced the entire time.
2. Go on a hike. Haven't done this in a while either, mainly because I've felt out of shape. But if I keep working out, I'll be able to build up to doing this again. It would be awesome to do a short hike in the fall.
3. Train for a charity walk. Once I can walk again, I want to show my thanks by giving back. I now have new motivation because I know of someone who is ill and I'd like to do something to help. Since I can't really do anything on the medical end, raising some money for research by doing a walk is the next best thing. When I've done charity walks in the past, it's always felt good, but it's different when it becomes personal.
4. Buy some cute shoes. Shallow, yes, but all I ever really wear are sneakers. I definitely need to spice up my footwear!
5. Get a pedicure. I don't nearly pamper myself enough and the last time I got a pedi, I really enjoyed it.
I'm sure I'll think of more things as time goes on, but for now, these are helping to motivate me. I need all of the motivation I can get.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Light At The End Of The Tunnel
This morning, I'm getting fitted for my Cam walker, which has been described to me as a "moon boot." Once I begin wearing it in June, I should presumably be able to walk again. Honestly, though, I'm a bit nervous about taking this next step; I'm a little afraid that at my weight, my bad leg will just snap and re-break as soon as I set weight on it. But then again, I've been putting all of my weight on just ONE leg for the past two months and it's held up. Anyway, the Cam walker is supposed to support it as it fully heals and I get used to walking again.
At this point, I have a lot more mobility in my bad leg. I can point and flex my foot and move it at the ankle. I've been told that when I begin physical therapy, one of the exercises they'll probably have me do will involve calf raises, so I've been trying to flex my foot as far as it will go in either direction so that I can stretch out my calf. Though I'm not getting the full impact as I would if I were to put weight on it, I'm hoping that these movements will strengthen my leg so that when the time comes, I will be in okay shape for therapy.
Meanwhile, I'm experiencing more and more benefits from my upper body training. The other day, my friend came over and took me downstairs to a nearby restaurant for dinner. I was a little apprehensive about having someone other than Jon take me out in my wheelchair because he's strong enough to push me and we have a whole system. Basically, I get into an office chair near my bed; he then wheels the chair into the hallway, where I switch into the wheelchair. We then exit through our building's basement and head up to the street via a very narrow and steep ramp. Along the way, however, are several obstacles: first, the office chair has to be pulled over two door moldings within our apartment -- through our bedroom entrance and then through the front door. We then have to contend with the elevator, which doesn't always line up. In fact, sometimes it's about six inches off the floor. And then we have to deal with the basement, which has bumpy, hilly and uneven floors. Finally, there's that ramp, which leaves Jon huffing and puffing by the time we reach the top.
Needless to say, I wasn't sure if my friend and I would be able to pull this off without Jon's help. She assured me that she's strong, though, and I do know our system inside and out. So we decided to make a go of it. To my surprise, I managed to get into the office chair and wheel myself over to the entrance of our bedroom without any help or support whatsoever. We then made a team effort in getting the chair over the door moldings, with her lifting the chair and me pushing it over with my good leg. Once in the hallway, I transfered to the wheelchair, again without assistance, and instructed her how to get me into the elevator and through the basement. And then it was time for the ramp.
My friend began pushing me and I could tell that this was going to be really tough for her. I then had an idea and grabbed the railings which are on either side of the ramp. Usually, Jon just pushes me up, but this time, I pulled myself along as my friend pushed from behind. Again, we worked really well as a team and we made it to the top. Needless to say, having the upper body strength really came in handy! My friend has some pretty incredible strength, too -- here's to girl power!
Last night, Jon and I went out and I showed him how I can now get into the office chair and wheelchair without his help. I'm getting better at negotiating cars, too. In the beginning, getting in and out of cars was a big procedure and I needed help doing it. But now, I can hop in and out of cars with the cast, no problem; I can even deal with curbs. The only time I felt a little shaky last night was when the cabby who was taking us home wanted to drop me off at the pot-holed corner where I initially fell. I refused to get out by what I call the "scene of the crime" and he understandingly took us across the street instead.
I'm glad that I'm feeling a lot more confident in moving my body and getting around, even if my mobility is still limited. It gives me some more hope that things will go well when I'm able to begin walking again three weeks from now.
At this point, I have a lot more mobility in my bad leg. I can point and flex my foot and move it at the ankle. I've been told that when I begin physical therapy, one of the exercises they'll probably have me do will involve calf raises, so I've been trying to flex my foot as far as it will go in either direction so that I can stretch out my calf. Though I'm not getting the full impact as I would if I were to put weight on it, I'm hoping that these movements will strengthen my leg so that when the time comes, I will be in okay shape for therapy.
Meanwhile, I'm experiencing more and more benefits from my upper body training. The other day, my friend came over and took me downstairs to a nearby restaurant for dinner. I was a little apprehensive about having someone other than Jon take me out in my wheelchair because he's strong enough to push me and we have a whole system. Basically, I get into an office chair near my bed; he then wheels the chair into the hallway, where I switch into the wheelchair. We then exit through our building's basement and head up to the street via a very narrow and steep ramp. Along the way, however, are several obstacles: first, the office chair has to be pulled over two door moldings within our apartment -- through our bedroom entrance and then through the front door. We then have to contend with the elevator, which doesn't always line up. In fact, sometimes it's about six inches off the floor. And then we have to deal with the basement, which has bumpy, hilly and uneven floors. Finally, there's that ramp, which leaves Jon huffing and puffing by the time we reach the top.
Needless to say, I wasn't sure if my friend and I would be able to pull this off without Jon's help. She assured me that she's strong, though, and I do know our system inside and out. So we decided to make a go of it. To my surprise, I managed to get into the office chair and wheel myself over to the entrance of our bedroom without any help or support whatsoever. We then made a team effort in getting the chair over the door moldings, with her lifting the chair and me pushing it over with my good leg. Once in the hallway, I transfered to the wheelchair, again without assistance, and instructed her how to get me into the elevator and through the basement. And then it was time for the ramp.
My friend began pushing me and I could tell that this was going to be really tough for her. I then had an idea and grabbed the railings which are on either side of the ramp. Usually, Jon just pushes me up, but this time, I pulled myself along as my friend pushed from behind. Again, we worked really well as a team and we made it to the top. Needless to say, having the upper body strength really came in handy! My friend has some pretty incredible strength, too -- here's to girl power!
Last night, Jon and I went out and I showed him how I can now get into the office chair and wheelchair without his help. I'm getting better at negotiating cars, too. In the beginning, getting in and out of cars was a big procedure and I needed help doing it. But now, I can hop in and out of cars with the cast, no problem; I can even deal with curbs. The only time I felt a little shaky last night was when the cabby who was taking us home wanted to drop me off at the pot-holed corner where I initially fell. I refused to get out by what I call the "scene of the crime" and he understandingly took us across the street instead.
I'm glad that I'm feeling a lot more confident in moving my body and getting around, even if my mobility is still limited. It gives me some more hope that things will go well when I'm able to begin walking again three weeks from now.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Making Strides
Yesterday was the most productive day I've had since my surgery last week. I wrote a couple of freelance pieces and Jon took me out to dinner in the wheelchair last evening. We didn't go far, just to the Italian place around the corner, but it was great to get out of the house and enjoy some fresh air for a couple of hours. It was nice to feel a little less slug-like and a little more human for a while.
One thing we both noticed is that it's not only gotten easier for me to lift myself into and out of chairs, but I'm now doing more work in moving the wheelchair itself. Before, when Jon would drag me in either the wheelchair or the computer chair (I move on a computer chair inside our apartment because it fits through doors more easily), he'd be doing all the work, especially when he had to pull it over floor moldings. However, I'm now helping him along by pushing with my hands and good leg and it's made things easier on him. Truthfully, I haven't worked out much in the past few days because I've been so exhausted, but the weight training I have done seems to be paying off. I'm definitely going to do 20-30 minutes of it today so I can get back into that.
Since I can't stand, I haven't weighed myself, but I can tell that I've lost weight. At the start of this blog, I complained that my wedding and engagement rings had gotten tight and I had to use cream to put them on. But yesterday, they slipped right onto my fingers! Then when we were outside and I caught my reflection in a window, I could see a difference. I'm a lot less "chinny" now -- I have only two instead of three!
A big change in my eating is that I can basically only eat what's around me. Each day, Jon leaves me a basket of food with yogurt, fruits, a bagel and some cheese and crackers. Yes, I probably eat more cheese than I should, but the limit on foods is forcing me to get some control. I can't randomly wander to the fridge and binge on something in there. I've been attempting to fill up on fruits and veggies (Jon makes a great soup with root vegetables that I love) because I have this idea that eating healthy foods will heal my body.
My appetite has decreased, as well. When we went to dinner, I was so hungry and ordered chicken parm with potatoes. But by the time we'd eaten our shared appetizer of anti-pasto and I'd had a slice of bread, I was stuffed. I took literally two bites of the chicken and had them pack up the rest. It'll probably be my dinner for the next couple of nights.
I know that a lot of studies have been done on sleep and obesity and I wonder if my lack of sleep really has affected my weight. Usually, I sleep 6-7 hours on a good night and I rarely sleep through the night. But these days, I'm sleeping almost all the way through and have the entire day to rest and reflect. Yes, I get hungry, but I feel as if I'm feeding my body rather than my soul.
I think it would be funny and pretty cool if I end up losing a lot of weight during this time. I imagine that for most people, it's the opposite, but I'd like to be an exception to the rule!
One thing we both noticed is that it's not only gotten easier for me to lift myself into and out of chairs, but I'm now doing more work in moving the wheelchair itself. Before, when Jon would drag me in either the wheelchair or the computer chair (I move on a computer chair inside our apartment because it fits through doors more easily), he'd be doing all the work, especially when he had to pull it over floor moldings. However, I'm now helping him along by pushing with my hands and good leg and it's made things easier on him. Truthfully, I haven't worked out much in the past few days because I've been so exhausted, but the weight training I have done seems to be paying off. I'm definitely going to do 20-30 minutes of it today so I can get back into that.
Since I can't stand, I haven't weighed myself, but I can tell that I've lost weight. At the start of this blog, I complained that my wedding and engagement rings had gotten tight and I had to use cream to put them on. But yesterday, they slipped right onto my fingers! Then when we were outside and I caught my reflection in a window, I could see a difference. I'm a lot less "chinny" now -- I have only two instead of three!
A big change in my eating is that I can basically only eat what's around me. Each day, Jon leaves me a basket of food with yogurt, fruits, a bagel and some cheese and crackers. Yes, I probably eat more cheese than I should, but the limit on foods is forcing me to get some control. I can't randomly wander to the fridge and binge on something in there. I've been attempting to fill up on fruits and veggies (Jon makes a great soup with root vegetables that I love) because I have this idea that eating healthy foods will heal my body.
My appetite has decreased, as well. When we went to dinner, I was so hungry and ordered chicken parm with potatoes. But by the time we'd eaten our shared appetizer of anti-pasto and I'd had a slice of bread, I was stuffed. I took literally two bites of the chicken and had them pack up the rest. It'll probably be my dinner for the next couple of nights.
I know that a lot of studies have been done on sleep and obesity and I wonder if my lack of sleep really has affected my weight. Usually, I sleep 6-7 hours on a good night and I rarely sleep through the night. But these days, I'm sleeping almost all the way through and have the entire day to rest and reflect. Yes, I get hungry, but I feel as if I'm feeding my body rather than my soul.
I think it would be funny and pretty cool if I end up losing a lot of weight during this time. I imagine that for most people, it's the opposite, but I'd like to be an exception to the rule!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Long Overdue Update On My Life
Sorry for the long hiatus between entries, but I had a little, unexpected "adventure" a few weeks ago. On April 1, 2010, I broke my fibula and sprained my ankle as I was exiting the express bus -- about a block away from my apartment. I just had surgery on my leg, in which a rod and plates were inserted to fix the bone and reattach the ligaments. I'm a little sore, not to mention mentally and physically exhausted, but otherwise okay. I'm trying to take each step (no pun intended) of this journey one day at a time.
One good thing to come out of all of this was that it forced me to get some medical tests, which I'd been putting off for a long time. I now know that my heart rate and blood pressure are good and that my vitals are decent. My blood sugar is a touch high, but I am thankfully not diabetic. And my liver values are slightly elevated, but not so much that the doctor was alarmed. I know that both of these values will decrease if I lose weight. Seeing all of these doctors, getting needles and getting my bone popped into place (which hurt like hell) has made me slightly less wary of medical-type people. That said, I've vowed to see my doctors more regularly once I recover. The doctor who gave me clearance for my surgery was a pompous ass, but everyone at the hospital was kind and supportive. I've put off seeing a doctor because I was embarrassed about my weight, but I've found that most aren't judgmental and truly want to help.
As for my physical activity, well, it's limited. At this point, I can't even get up without help. I can't use crutches because of my weight and my back problems, so I'm using a wheelchair. But my orthopedist assures me that I will walk again and has suggested that I get my start by using a walker with a knee support built in.
I can sit up and roll over without help, so I can exercise my arms and my good leg (and my bad leg to an extent). I've been trying to do some range of motion-type exercises to stay as mobile as possible and build up my upper body strength. It's working, I think. At first, I could barely get into a car without being supported, but now I can do it on my own.
In terms of food, I'm trying to eat healthy, fresh stuff that'll help in my weight loss and healing. I've been having grapes, cheeses, bananas, yogurts, vegetable soup. I'm not eating as much because I have to depend on Jon to get the food for me. But I'm eating plenty and am not hungry. I know that I need to lose the weight because it'll help me walk again.
I'll admit, when I could walk, there were days when I wish I didn't have to because my back hurt from it. Now I miss it so much. It's hard to even contemplate being able to walk again at this point, but everyone promises that I will and I'd like to be better at it than I was before. I'd love to get into good enough shape that I can do another walking event.
For now, I'm trying to keep my humor intact and remind myself that things could be worse. I could've hit my head when I fell. I could've been injured a lot worse. I could've been paralyzed. I know that this is just a bump in the road and is perhaps my chance to start over.
One good thing to come out of all of this was that it forced me to get some medical tests, which I'd been putting off for a long time. I now know that my heart rate and blood pressure are good and that my vitals are decent. My blood sugar is a touch high, but I am thankfully not diabetic. And my liver values are slightly elevated, but not so much that the doctor was alarmed. I know that both of these values will decrease if I lose weight. Seeing all of these doctors, getting needles and getting my bone popped into place (which hurt like hell) has made me slightly less wary of medical-type people. That said, I've vowed to see my doctors more regularly once I recover. The doctor who gave me clearance for my surgery was a pompous ass, but everyone at the hospital was kind and supportive. I've put off seeing a doctor because I was embarrassed about my weight, but I've found that most aren't judgmental and truly want to help.
As for my physical activity, well, it's limited. At this point, I can't even get up without help. I can't use crutches because of my weight and my back problems, so I'm using a wheelchair. But my orthopedist assures me that I will walk again and has suggested that I get my start by using a walker with a knee support built in.
I can sit up and roll over without help, so I can exercise my arms and my good leg (and my bad leg to an extent). I've been trying to do some range of motion-type exercises to stay as mobile as possible and build up my upper body strength. It's working, I think. At first, I could barely get into a car without being supported, but now I can do it on my own.
In terms of food, I'm trying to eat healthy, fresh stuff that'll help in my weight loss and healing. I've been having grapes, cheeses, bananas, yogurts, vegetable soup. I'm not eating as much because I have to depend on Jon to get the food for me. But I'm eating plenty and am not hungry. I know that I need to lose the weight because it'll help me walk again.
I'll admit, when I could walk, there were days when I wish I didn't have to because my back hurt from it. Now I miss it so much. It's hard to even contemplate being able to walk again at this point, but everyone promises that I will and I'd like to be better at it than I was before. I'd love to get into good enough shape that I can do another walking event.
For now, I'm trying to keep my humor intact and remind myself that things could be worse. I could've hit my head when I fell. I could've been injured a lot worse. I could've been paralyzed. I know that this is just a bump in the road and is perhaps my chance to start over.
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