At this point, I'm still in a wheelchair and am still not sure if I'll be able to put weight on my leg on Thursday at my doctor's appointment. However, I've been doing my physical therapy and have noticed some small changes in regards to my weight.
For one thing, my husband says that I now appear to be more narrow from the back. He also says that I don't feel as heavy when he pushes me up the ramp from our building. Of course, it could just be that he's gotten stronger after pushing my wheelchair around for almost three months, but I'll take his word for it.
I am definitely not snoring as much, though. Before I would snore loudly enough that I would wake myself up, but Jon says that he hasn't really heard me snoring lately. I also haven't had a sleep apnea episode in a while. This weekend, we had a party and a friend slept over. I was so exhausted that while she was talking to me, I fell asleep in the bed, on my back, with my head rolled back. I usually wouldn't sleep this way because it's when I'm on my back that I have breathing episodes. But I didn't have one during my two-hour nap and my friend also reported that I wasn't snoring -- even in that awkward position.
Of course, with the party, I didn't eat as well as I should've. I had three drinks (for a light drinker like me, this is practically a binge) and had some leftover ziti and cake today. But I didn't go crazy, either. Our guests were like vultures so the food disappeared quickly -- and I was glad that we didn't have tons of stuff to get rid of (and for me to snack on). Tomorrow is another day and I will get back to my usual meals.
At the party, though, I really wasn't thinking of food at all. It was about being with my friends and laughing, and being grateful that I know such awesome people. I guess this is what life is about. Food is just one part of it.
Showing posts with label dieting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dieting. Show all posts
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Hello, Captain Obvious!
So today was my first day of physical therapy. I didn't do much -- mainly showed the therapist my foot and he tested my range of motion. He was pleased to see that I can move it up and down, but says I might not ever be able to fully move it from side to side. Still, he assured me that I'd be walking again and will eventually have my life back.
Of course, my weight came up. Upon seeing it listed on my chart he remarked, "You do know that you need to lose weight, don't you?" Well, duh, yes, of course, I know! I get that he was trying to give me some friendly therapist/patient advice and he WAS a nice guy -- I liked him a lot and hope that he's my main therapist -- but let me tell you a little secret: fat people know that they need to lose weight. TRUST ME. We might not be able to accomplish this, for whatever reasons, be it lack of will power or emotional problems, etc., but we know that we're fat. Pointing it out to us isn't going to help us -- it just makes us think, "No, shit, Sherlock." Guess what? My leg is broken, too, but I didn't need anyone to point THAT out to me!
Just to clarify, I'm not in some sort of denial mode here; I don't expect the doctor or therapist to ignore my problem. But I guess I'd rather he or she just handle it more constructively, i.e., "Losing weight will help you when you begin walking again." I'm open to discussing my weight issues with any medical personnel, but I don't want to be treated like a dummy, either. Believe me, I've been trying to lose weight for years; hopefully, this blog is shedding some light on how complex a weight loss journey is.
Ultimately, we did get to talking in a more productive manner and he was impressed when I told him that I've been lifting weights. He encouraged me to continue and also gave me a few exercises to do with my foot. I asked if I can use a recumbant bicycle, but he said I can't since I'd be putting too much pressure on my foot. He seemed to think it was a positive sign that it didn't hurt when he poked at my leg. I'm just anxious to get going. My first real appointment is on Tuesday morning, so we'll see how it goes. Meantime, I'm going to follow the therapist's instructions and do my weight lifting and leg exercises each day.
All in all, it was a positive experience ... so far. Everyone who's had PT keeps warning me that it's going to get tough at points, so I can't say that I'm looking forward to that. It'll be worth it, though, if the exercise does help me lose some more weight in the longterm.
Of course, my weight came up. Upon seeing it listed on my chart he remarked, "You do know that you need to lose weight, don't you?" Well, duh, yes, of course, I know! I get that he was trying to give me some friendly therapist/patient advice and he WAS a nice guy -- I liked him a lot and hope that he's my main therapist -- but let me tell you a little secret: fat people know that they need to lose weight. TRUST ME. We might not be able to accomplish this, for whatever reasons, be it lack of will power or emotional problems, etc., but we know that we're fat. Pointing it out to us isn't going to help us -- it just makes us think, "No, shit, Sherlock." Guess what? My leg is broken, too, but I didn't need anyone to point THAT out to me!
Just to clarify, I'm not in some sort of denial mode here; I don't expect the doctor or therapist to ignore my problem. But I guess I'd rather he or she just handle it more constructively, i.e., "Losing weight will help you when you begin walking again." I'm open to discussing my weight issues with any medical personnel, but I don't want to be treated like a dummy, either. Believe me, I've been trying to lose weight for years; hopefully, this blog is shedding some light on how complex a weight loss journey is.
Ultimately, we did get to talking in a more productive manner and he was impressed when I told him that I've been lifting weights. He encouraged me to continue and also gave me a few exercises to do with my foot. I asked if I can use a recumbant bicycle, but he said I can't since I'd be putting too much pressure on my foot. He seemed to think it was a positive sign that it didn't hurt when he poked at my leg. I'm just anxious to get going. My first real appointment is on Tuesday morning, so we'll see how it goes. Meantime, I'm going to follow the therapist's instructions and do my weight lifting and leg exercises each day.
All in all, it was a positive experience ... so far. Everyone who's had PT keeps warning me that it's going to get tough at points, so I can't say that I'm looking forward to that. It'll be worth it, though, if the exercise does help me lose some more weight in the longterm.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Making Strides
Yesterday was the most productive day I've had since my surgery last week. I wrote a couple of freelance pieces and Jon took me out to dinner in the wheelchair last evening. We didn't go far, just to the Italian place around the corner, but it was great to get out of the house and enjoy some fresh air for a couple of hours. It was nice to feel a little less slug-like and a little more human for a while.
One thing we both noticed is that it's not only gotten easier for me to lift myself into and out of chairs, but I'm now doing more work in moving the wheelchair itself. Before, when Jon would drag me in either the wheelchair or the computer chair (I move on a computer chair inside our apartment because it fits through doors more easily), he'd be doing all the work, especially when he had to pull it over floor moldings. However, I'm now helping him along by pushing with my hands and good leg and it's made things easier on him. Truthfully, I haven't worked out much in the past few days because I've been so exhausted, but the weight training I have done seems to be paying off. I'm definitely going to do 20-30 minutes of it today so I can get back into that.
Since I can't stand, I haven't weighed myself, but I can tell that I've lost weight. At the start of this blog, I complained that my wedding and engagement rings had gotten tight and I had to use cream to put them on. But yesterday, they slipped right onto my fingers! Then when we were outside and I caught my reflection in a window, I could see a difference. I'm a lot less "chinny" now -- I have only two instead of three!
A big change in my eating is that I can basically only eat what's around me. Each day, Jon leaves me a basket of food with yogurt, fruits, a bagel and some cheese and crackers. Yes, I probably eat more cheese than I should, but the limit on foods is forcing me to get some control. I can't randomly wander to the fridge and binge on something in there. I've been attempting to fill up on fruits and veggies (Jon makes a great soup with root vegetables that I love) because I have this idea that eating healthy foods will heal my body.
My appetite has decreased, as well. When we went to dinner, I was so hungry and ordered chicken parm with potatoes. But by the time we'd eaten our shared appetizer of anti-pasto and I'd had a slice of bread, I was stuffed. I took literally two bites of the chicken and had them pack up the rest. It'll probably be my dinner for the next couple of nights.
I know that a lot of studies have been done on sleep and obesity and I wonder if my lack of sleep really has affected my weight. Usually, I sleep 6-7 hours on a good night and I rarely sleep through the night. But these days, I'm sleeping almost all the way through and have the entire day to rest and reflect. Yes, I get hungry, but I feel as if I'm feeding my body rather than my soul.
I think it would be funny and pretty cool if I end up losing a lot of weight during this time. I imagine that for most people, it's the opposite, but I'd like to be an exception to the rule!
One thing we both noticed is that it's not only gotten easier for me to lift myself into and out of chairs, but I'm now doing more work in moving the wheelchair itself. Before, when Jon would drag me in either the wheelchair or the computer chair (I move on a computer chair inside our apartment because it fits through doors more easily), he'd be doing all the work, especially when he had to pull it over floor moldings. However, I'm now helping him along by pushing with my hands and good leg and it's made things easier on him. Truthfully, I haven't worked out much in the past few days because I've been so exhausted, but the weight training I have done seems to be paying off. I'm definitely going to do 20-30 minutes of it today so I can get back into that.
Since I can't stand, I haven't weighed myself, but I can tell that I've lost weight. At the start of this blog, I complained that my wedding and engagement rings had gotten tight and I had to use cream to put them on. But yesterday, they slipped right onto my fingers! Then when we were outside and I caught my reflection in a window, I could see a difference. I'm a lot less "chinny" now -- I have only two instead of three!
A big change in my eating is that I can basically only eat what's around me. Each day, Jon leaves me a basket of food with yogurt, fruits, a bagel and some cheese and crackers. Yes, I probably eat more cheese than I should, but the limit on foods is forcing me to get some control. I can't randomly wander to the fridge and binge on something in there. I've been attempting to fill up on fruits and veggies (Jon makes a great soup with root vegetables that I love) because I have this idea that eating healthy foods will heal my body.
My appetite has decreased, as well. When we went to dinner, I was so hungry and ordered chicken parm with potatoes. But by the time we'd eaten our shared appetizer of anti-pasto and I'd had a slice of bread, I was stuffed. I took literally two bites of the chicken and had them pack up the rest. It'll probably be my dinner for the next couple of nights.
I know that a lot of studies have been done on sleep and obesity and I wonder if my lack of sleep really has affected my weight. Usually, I sleep 6-7 hours on a good night and I rarely sleep through the night. But these days, I'm sleeping almost all the way through and have the entire day to rest and reflect. Yes, I get hungry, but I feel as if I'm feeding my body rather than my soul.
I think it would be funny and pretty cool if I end up losing a lot of weight during this time. I imagine that for most people, it's the opposite, but I'd like to be an exception to the rule!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Long Overdue Update On My Life
Sorry for the long hiatus between entries, but I had a little, unexpected "adventure" a few weeks ago. On April 1, 2010, I broke my fibula and sprained my ankle as I was exiting the express bus -- about a block away from my apartment. I just had surgery on my leg, in which a rod and plates were inserted to fix the bone and reattach the ligaments. I'm a little sore, not to mention mentally and physically exhausted, but otherwise okay. I'm trying to take each step (no pun intended) of this journey one day at a time.
One good thing to come out of all of this was that it forced me to get some medical tests, which I'd been putting off for a long time. I now know that my heart rate and blood pressure are good and that my vitals are decent. My blood sugar is a touch high, but I am thankfully not diabetic. And my liver values are slightly elevated, but not so much that the doctor was alarmed. I know that both of these values will decrease if I lose weight. Seeing all of these doctors, getting needles and getting my bone popped into place (which hurt like hell) has made me slightly less wary of medical-type people. That said, I've vowed to see my doctors more regularly once I recover. The doctor who gave me clearance for my surgery was a pompous ass, but everyone at the hospital was kind and supportive. I've put off seeing a doctor because I was embarrassed about my weight, but I've found that most aren't judgmental and truly want to help.
As for my physical activity, well, it's limited. At this point, I can't even get up without help. I can't use crutches because of my weight and my back problems, so I'm using a wheelchair. But my orthopedist assures me that I will walk again and has suggested that I get my start by using a walker with a knee support built in.
I can sit up and roll over without help, so I can exercise my arms and my good leg (and my bad leg to an extent). I've been trying to do some range of motion-type exercises to stay as mobile as possible and build up my upper body strength. It's working, I think. At first, I could barely get into a car without being supported, but now I can do it on my own.
In terms of food, I'm trying to eat healthy, fresh stuff that'll help in my weight loss and healing. I've been having grapes, cheeses, bananas, yogurts, vegetable soup. I'm not eating as much because I have to depend on Jon to get the food for me. But I'm eating plenty and am not hungry. I know that I need to lose the weight because it'll help me walk again.
I'll admit, when I could walk, there were days when I wish I didn't have to because my back hurt from it. Now I miss it so much. It's hard to even contemplate being able to walk again at this point, but everyone promises that I will and I'd like to be better at it than I was before. I'd love to get into good enough shape that I can do another walking event.
For now, I'm trying to keep my humor intact and remind myself that things could be worse. I could've hit my head when I fell. I could've been injured a lot worse. I could've been paralyzed. I know that this is just a bump in the road and is perhaps my chance to start over.
One good thing to come out of all of this was that it forced me to get some medical tests, which I'd been putting off for a long time. I now know that my heart rate and blood pressure are good and that my vitals are decent. My blood sugar is a touch high, but I am thankfully not diabetic. And my liver values are slightly elevated, but not so much that the doctor was alarmed. I know that both of these values will decrease if I lose weight. Seeing all of these doctors, getting needles and getting my bone popped into place (which hurt like hell) has made me slightly less wary of medical-type people. That said, I've vowed to see my doctors more regularly once I recover. The doctor who gave me clearance for my surgery was a pompous ass, but everyone at the hospital was kind and supportive. I've put off seeing a doctor because I was embarrassed about my weight, but I've found that most aren't judgmental and truly want to help.
As for my physical activity, well, it's limited. At this point, I can't even get up without help. I can't use crutches because of my weight and my back problems, so I'm using a wheelchair. But my orthopedist assures me that I will walk again and has suggested that I get my start by using a walker with a knee support built in.
I can sit up and roll over without help, so I can exercise my arms and my good leg (and my bad leg to an extent). I've been trying to do some range of motion-type exercises to stay as mobile as possible and build up my upper body strength. It's working, I think. At first, I could barely get into a car without being supported, but now I can do it on my own.
In terms of food, I'm trying to eat healthy, fresh stuff that'll help in my weight loss and healing. I've been having grapes, cheeses, bananas, yogurts, vegetable soup. I'm not eating as much because I have to depend on Jon to get the food for me. But I'm eating plenty and am not hungry. I know that I need to lose the weight because it'll help me walk again.
I'll admit, when I could walk, there were days when I wish I didn't have to because my back hurt from it. Now I miss it so much. It's hard to even contemplate being able to walk again at this point, but everyone promises that I will and I'd like to be better at it than I was before. I'd love to get into good enough shape that I can do another walking event.
For now, I'm trying to keep my humor intact and remind myself that things could be worse. I could've hit my head when I fell. I could've been injured a lot worse. I could've been paralyzed. I know that this is just a bump in the road and is perhaps my chance to start over.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Interesting Propositions
First, the bad news: I haven't lost weight this past week as it seems like the "sick and stressed" diet can only work so much magic. But I haven't gained weight, either, which is also important.
The good news is that I haven't had a breathing episode at night for about a week (knock on wood). It will be nice if that never happens to me again, so I'm holding out hope.
Because the weather has finally gotten warmer, I've been walking more. On Friday, I met up with friends for dinner and a movie, and even though it was rainy out, I walked around the city for about an hour before we met up. Granted, it was very slow walking, but I was proud of myself for not giving in and taking a cab in the bad weather.
This weekend we had a hurricane-like storm, but today the sun came out so I walked for a little while after work. I'm meeting friends for dinner downtown on Thursday, so I'm planning to walk again. I used to love just walking around the city, so I'm trying to get back into that.
Meantime, I've been given two very interesting propositions. The first is, a friend of mine and my husband's has invited us to go with him to Peru in 2011. I've traveled a lot, but haven't yet been to Peru and am excited to see Machu Pichu, which are the famous ancient ruins. However, our friend then started talking about hiking the Inca trail and I had to give him a reality check on the kind of shape I'm actually in. Thankfully, he was very understanding. It would be nice if I really could hike around the Andes, but I need to be realistic in my goals and take things slowly. I'd love to get into good enough shape, though!
Then my other friend invited me to join her for a girls' vacation in Hawaii for 2013. She and her friend will be turning 40, and though I'll only be 39, I do have a February birthday like them. I love Hawaii and they plan to go to some places I haven't yet been, but already they're talking about doing all of these active things like taking hula lessons and biking down a volcano in Maui. Right now, I couldn't imagine doing that, but 2013 is a long way away. Plus, the friend who invited me has lost a significant amount of weight herself, so if she can get in shape, I don't see why I can't.
For now, my big goal is our 10th anniversary party, which is at the end of April. I'm kind of disappointed in myself because I was a fat bride and I was hoping that I'd be skinny for this. My original dream was to wear the wedding gown I'd wished I'd been able to fit into back then, but well, that ain't happening. But I did see a cute dress I like and want to look as best as I can. And I figure that the friends and family members who are coming won't really care, as long as there's good food and alcohol.
It's so hard to stay motivated, though. It's hard to battle food at every meal. I'm doing pretty well in my plan to eat fewer carbs, though I've been saving them for dinner. Breakfast is cereal, skim milk and a banana, and lunch is a big salad with a lot of veggies and soup. Then for dinner I'm a bit more lax about having things like pizza or pasta (hey, I can't give up everything at once). I'm finding that I'm craving the salads more and have enjoyed experimenting with ingredients. My favorite combo, though, has been a salad with oranges, cranberries, red onion and a fat free raspberry vinaigrette. Sounds weird, but it's really good!
I know I need to get moving more to really see a change. Hopefully, we'll continue to have sunshine and I'll be spending even more time outdoors.
The good news is that I haven't had a breathing episode at night for about a week (knock on wood). It will be nice if that never happens to me again, so I'm holding out hope.
Because the weather has finally gotten warmer, I've been walking more. On Friday, I met up with friends for dinner and a movie, and even though it was rainy out, I walked around the city for about an hour before we met up. Granted, it was very slow walking, but I was proud of myself for not giving in and taking a cab in the bad weather.
This weekend we had a hurricane-like storm, but today the sun came out so I walked for a little while after work. I'm meeting friends for dinner downtown on Thursday, so I'm planning to walk again. I used to love just walking around the city, so I'm trying to get back into that.
Meantime, I've been given two very interesting propositions. The first is, a friend of mine and my husband's has invited us to go with him to Peru in 2011. I've traveled a lot, but haven't yet been to Peru and am excited to see Machu Pichu, which are the famous ancient ruins. However, our friend then started talking about hiking the Inca trail and I had to give him a reality check on the kind of shape I'm actually in. Thankfully, he was very understanding. It would be nice if I really could hike around the Andes, but I need to be realistic in my goals and take things slowly. I'd love to get into good enough shape, though!
Then my other friend invited me to join her for a girls' vacation in Hawaii for 2013. She and her friend will be turning 40, and though I'll only be 39, I do have a February birthday like them. I love Hawaii and they plan to go to some places I haven't yet been, but already they're talking about doing all of these active things like taking hula lessons and biking down a volcano in Maui. Right now, I couldn't imagine doing that, but 2013 is a long way away. Plus, the friend who invited me has lost a significant amount of weight herself, so if she can get in shape, I don't see why I can't.
For now, my big goal is our 10th anniversary party, which is at the end of April. I'm kind of disappointed in myself because I was a fat bride and I was hoping that I'd be skinny for this. My original dream was to wear the wedding gown I'd wished I'd been able to fit into back then, but well, that ain't happening. But I did see a cute dress I like and want to look as best as I can. And I figure that the friends and family members who are coming won't really care, as long as there's good food and alcohol.
It's so hard to stay motivated, though. It's hard to battle food at every meal. I'm doing pretty well in my plan to eat fewer carbs, though I've been saving them for dinner. Breakfast is cereal, skim milk and a banana, and lunch is a big salad with a lot of veggies and soup. Then for dinner I'm a bit more lax about having things like pizza or pasta (hey, I can't give up everything at once). I'm finding that I'm craving the salads more and have enjoyed experimenting with ingredients. My favorite combo, though, has been a salad with oranges, cranberries, red onion and a fat free raspberry vinaigrette. Sounds weird, but it's really good!
I know I need to get moving more to really see a change. Hopefully, we'll continue to have sunshine and I'll be spending even more time outdoors.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Get In The Pool
Earlier I wrote about how I'd been nervous about swimming while on our cruise, but I finally went for it after my husband and friend Scott encouraged me to "Get in the pool." Later that evening, I spoke Scott's words back at him when he was nervous about doing a karaoke solo and urged him to "get in the pool" (not literally in this case), as well.
I think that "get[ing] in the pool" is good metaphor for how I want to live my life: I want to take more risks and then (hopefully) enjoy the rewards that come with those risks. Just as it was when I literally got in the pool -- the water was cool and relaxing, and I felt as if I were floating. I hadn't gone swimming in years, but as soon as I hit the water, I realized how much I'd missed it. That said, I know that my fears are making me miss other things in life, as well.
One of my big fears still is flying. I've told my husband that I want to book another trip right away so that I can force myself to do it more often. I enjoy traveling so the risk (flying) would lead to a reward (seeing a cool, new place).
I also know that losing weight and being attractive again is a fear -- a deep-down fear, but a fear nevertheless. That said, I decided to "get in the pool" tonight and start walking again. I'd originally planned to do it this past weekend because the weather was decent, but I just couldn't get up the energy to get dressed and go. But today I ended up doing a walk during lunch for about a half hour. I didn't go far -- maybe a mile because I had to stop sometimes, but it felt great. The sun was out, the weather was warm for a change, and it felt good to get moving. I think I function better in general when the sun is out more so I plan to do more walking in the near future. I'm already looking forward to tomorrow's.
After work, I had my therapy session. Things are going pretty well with that. I told her about my "get in the pool" idea and she liked the imagery. She suggested that I think about it when I come across an obstacle in my life. She also suggested that I take a more "zen" approach to things and not worry about the details so much. That's a little hard for someone like me who has an overactive imagination, but I guess it can't hurt to try. So I'm being zen about this blog, and whatever I write, I write. It doesn't matter if it's not Shakespeare!
Meantime, I'm looking forward to more warm weather so that I can hopefully "get in the pool" again soon -- literally and figuratively.
I think that "get[ing] in the pool" is good metaphor for how I want to live my life: I want to take more risks and then (hopefully) enjoy the rewards that come with those risks. Just as it was when I literally got in the pool -- the water was cool and relaxing, and I felt as if I were floating. I hadn't gone swimming in years, but as soon as I hit the water, I realized how much I'd missed it. That said, I know that my fears are making me miss other things in life, as well.
One of my big fears still is flying. I've told my husband that I want to book another trip right away so that I can force myself to do it more often. I enjoy traveling so the risk (flying) would lead to a reward (seeing a cool, new place).
I also know that losing weight and being attractive again is a fear -- a deep-down fear, but a fear nevertheless. That said, I decided to "get in the pool" tonight and start walking again. I'd originally planned to do it this past weekend because the weather was decent, but I just couldn't get up the energy to get dressed and go. But today I ended up doing a walk during lunch for about a half hour. I didn't go far -- maybe a mile because I had to stop sometimes, but it felt great. The sun was out, the weather was warm for a change, and it felt good to get moving. I think I function better in general when the sun is out more so I plan to do more walking in the near future. I'm already looking forward to tomorrow's.
After work, I had my therapy session. Things are going pretty well with that. I told her about my "get in the pool" idea and she liked the imagery. She suggested that I think about it when I come across an obstacle in my life. She also suggested that I take a more "zen" approach to things and not worry about the details so much. That's a little hard for someone like me who has an overactive imagination, but I guess it can't hurt to try. So I'm being zen about this blog, and whatever I write, I write. It doesn't matter if it's not Shakespeare!
Meantime, I'm looking forward to more warm weather so that I can hopefully "get in the pool" again soon -- literally and figuratively.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Home, Sweet, Home
Well, I'm back from the cruise and I'm happy to say that I had a really nice time. It wasn't quite as relaxing as I'd hoped because it was cold for the Caribbean, but I still enjoyed it.
In terms of eating, I did pretty well and while I didn't lose any weight during the week, I did maintain. You can easily eat 24/7 on a cruise -- there are midnight buffets, all-night pizza stands, treats around every corner -- but I really worked hard to watch portions. I stayed away from any of these midnight offerings and stuck to three decent-sized meals -- and that was it. I drank more than usual, but having one alcoholic beverage per day wasn't too bad compared to a lot of other people on that ship.
One thing I liked about the food at dinner was that the portions were reasonable. I expected huge bowls of pasta and giant steaks, but it wasn't like that at all. Instead, the portions were moderate -- enough to fill you up, but not make you feel stuffed -- and on each menu, there were low-calorie "spa" options. Each night, I ordered a soup with vegetables (my favorites were the gazpacho and the chill asparagus soups) and then usually chicken for my main entry. After, I had some dessert, but tried to incorporate fruit into it. For instance, one night I had a small scoop of vanilla ice cream with a fruit plate. On the day that I ordered the souffle, the waiters suddenly decided to celebrate my birthday (which had been two weeks before; I guess they celebrate all February birthdays this month no matter when they are), so I also ended up with a slice of black forrest cake that I didn't ask for. But I took a few bites and then left the rest over. By the way, I've learned that I really don't like souffle.
I was also much more active on this trip than I've been in a while. Though I've been BowFlex-ing, I haven't done miles of walking. I got to do that here. It was hard -- my back hurt and I had to stop frequently, which I'm sure annoyed my travel companions (though they never complained). But we walked all around South Beach on Sunday, all over Key West on Tuesday and then explored some ruins in Cozumel on Thursday. So I got in three good days of exercise.
One other thing I'm proud of is that I got into the pool. I was a little self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit in public, but no one seemed to care about how I looked. I then wanted to actually swim, but because my center of gravity is off (this is what happens when you have a huge stomach pulling all your weight forward), going down steps and ladders often feels uncomfortable. That said, I was afraid I'd slip into the pool and hit my head. But I managed to get in and then later get out without incident. I realize this doesn't sound like a big accomplishment, but it was for me.
Now that we're home, I've been battling a horrible cold, one of the worst I've had in a long time. I've had a fever on and off and am now developing a cough. Needless to say, my eating has been spotty this week -- lots of soup, toast and low-fat frozen yogurt. The meal of a champion!
But after doing all of that walking, I'm realizing that I miss taking walks with my husband. I'm hoping that I'll feel up to taking a short one around the neighborhood this weekend.
Which brings me to my next goal: Passover. It's in a month so this is as good a time as any to plan for losing another 10 pounds. This way, I can buy myself a nice, new outfit for the holiday and won't feel too guilty if I have an extra matzoh ball...
In terms of eating, I did pretty well and while I didn't lose any weight during the week, I did maintain. You can easily eat 24/7 on a cruise -- there are midnight buffets, all-night pizza stands, treats around every corner -- but I really worked hard to watch portions. I stayed away from any of these midnight offerings and stuck to three decent-sized meals -- and that was it. I drank more than usual, but having one alcoholic beverage per day wasn't too bad compared to a lot of other people on that ship.
One thing I liked about the food at dinner was that the portions were reasonable. I expected huge bowls of pasta and giant steaks, but it wasn't like that at all. Instead, the portions were moderate -- enough to fill you up, but not make you feel stuffed -- and on each menu, there were low-calorie "spa" options. Each night, I ordered a soup with vegetables (my favorites were the gazpacho and the chill asparagus soups) and then usually chicken for my main entry. After, I had some dessert, but tried to incorporate fruit into it. For instance, one night I had a small scoop of vanilla ice cream with a fruit plate. On the day that I ordered the souffle, the waiters suddenly decided to celebrate my birthday (which had been two weeks before; I guess they celebrate all February birthdays this month no matter when they are), so I also ended up with a slice of black forrest cake that I didn't ask for. But I took a few bites and then left the rest over. By the way, I've learned that I really don't like souffle.
I was also much more active on this trip than I've been in a while. Though I've been BowFlex-ing, I haven't done miles of walking. I got to do that here. It was hard -- my back hurt and I had to stop frequently, which I'm sure annoyed my travel companions (though they never complained). But we walked all around South Beach on Sunday, all over Key West on Tuesday and then explored some ruins in Cozumel on Thursday. So I got in three good days of exercise.
One other thing I'm proud of is that I got into the pool. I was a little self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit in public, but no one seemed to care about how I looked. I then wanted to actually swim, but because my center of gravity is off (this is what happens when you have a huge stomach pulling all your weight forward), going down steps and ladders often feels uncomfortable. That said, I was afraid I'd slip into the pool and hit my head. But I managed to get in and then later get out without incident. I realize this doesn't sound like a big accomplishment, but it was for me.
Now that we're home, I've been battling a horrible cold, one of the worst I've had in a long time. I've had a fever on and off and am now developing a cough. Needless to say, my eating has been spotty this week -- lots of soup, toast and low-fat frozen yogurt. The meal of a champion!
But after doing all of that walking, I'm realizing that I miss taking walks with my husband. I'm hoping that I'll feel up to taking a short one around the neighborhood this weekend.
Which brings me to my next goal: Passover. It's in a month so this is as good a time as any to plan for losing another 10 pounds. This way, I can buy myself a nice, new outfit for the holiday and won't feel too guilty if I have an extra matzoh ball...
Thursday, January 21, 2010
And Now For Some Good News...
Well, I lost another two pounds this week. This means that I'm more than halfway to my goal of losing 12 pounds in time for our cruise vacation (which is in three weeks and two days). Of course, I wish that I'd lose the weight more quickly, but I'll take anything I can get!
Meanwhile, I'm already beginning to experience some very subtle changes in my body. I've been trying to work out every other day and already I'm feeling stronger, especially when I walk. My back still hurts from the weight, but it's not as bad as it was even a few weeks ago. I can walk faster now and have less pressure on my back and legs.
I'm also sleeping better -- well, for me, anyway. I've always suffered from insomnia because it runs in my family and my head is often too filled with thoughts to sleep soundly. But a couple of months ago, I began having some frightening sleep apnea episodes where I'd wake up gasping for air. Happily, I haven't had one of those -- knock on wood -- in a few weeks. There have even been a few times where I've slept through the night and actually, well, felt energized and refreshed. I'm not sure I'm ever going to totally beat my insomnia, unless I take something like Ambien, which I really don't want to do, but at least things are better than they were.
A third positive change than I'm noticing is that my circulation is improving. A few weeks ago, my extremities were falling asleep quite easily, which was really annoying -- especially when I was writing or playing my flute. This is still happening to some extent, but far less than it was. My hands didn't fall asleep at all during work today, even though I was doing a lot of typing.
Finally, I'm getting full much more easily now. Last night, for example, I ordered a mini personal pizza and calculated that half of it would be a sufficient dinner at 9 WW POINTS. However, I only ended up eating about a third and was stuffed.
So that's the good news for today. No dramatic changes -- yet -- but I'm getting there. And though my appearance is basically the same (realistically, I'll need to lose about 75 pounds before there's a big difference), I'm pleased that my health already seems to be turning around.
Meanwhile, I'm already beginning to experience some very subtle changes in my body. I've been trying to work out every other day and already I'm feeling stronger, especially when I walk. My back still hurts from the weight, but it's not as bad as it was even a few weeks ago. I can walk faster now and have less pressure on my back and legs.
I'm also sleeping better -- well, for me, anyway. I've always suffered from insomnia because it runs in my family and my head is often too filled with thoughts to sleep soundly. But a couple of months ago, I began having some frightening sleep apnea episodes where I'd wake up gasping for air. Happily, I haven't had one of those -- knock on wood -- in a few weeks. There have even been a few times where I've slept through the night and actually, well, felt energized and refreshed. I'm not sure I'm ever going to totally beat my insomnia, unless I take something like Ambien, which I really don't want to do, but at least things are better than they were.
A third positive change than I'm noticing is that my circulation is improving. A few weeks ago, my extremities were falling asleep quite easily, which was really annoying -- especially when I was writing or playing my flute. This is still happening to some extent, but far less than it was. My hands didn't fall asleep at all during work today, even though I was doing a lot of typing.
Finally, I'm getting full much more easily now. Last night, for example, I ordered a mini personal pizza and calculated that half of it would be a sufficient dinner at 9 WW POINTS. However, I only ended up eating about a third and was stuffed.
So that's the good news for today. No dramatic changes -- yet -- but I'm getting there. And though my appearance is basically the same (realistically, I'll need to lose about 75 pounds before there's a big difference), I'm pleased that my health already seems to be turning around.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Scaredy Cat
If I could change one thing about myself, besides my weight, it would be the fact that I'm, well, pretty much afraid of everything -- and this seems to be getting worse as I get older.
I'm afraid of many of the normal things: bugs, heights, fire, flying, needles, but then I'm also frightened of many things that I'm sure are compromising my life.
For instance, my fear of not being liked is a huge one. I'm a classic people pleaser. I care way too much about what other people think and hate it when someone is angry with me or dislikes me. It doesn't even matter if I dislike the person; as long as he or she approves of me, I'm good.
That said, I'm terrified of confrontations, especially when I'm the one initiating them, because that means I'll be put into a position where I'm forced to say something uncomfortable and possibly upset the other person. Again, it doesn't matter if the other person is in the wrong; I'm just afraid that I'll either insult him or her or worse -- the person will come back to me with something even worse to say about me.
I remember back in college, I endured several situations that could've used a good confrontation or two. My freshman roommate was a thoughtless witch who'd have friends over at 3 a.m. or keep the radio on all night so she could study. She was two years ahead of me (but three years younger than me), so I usually let her get away with her behavior. She knew it and took advantage of me.
Then when I was a junior, I became the editor of our dorm's paper. All was going well until this really nasty girl decided to write for it. She was insufferable -- she offered to redesign the paper because she felt it looked like a piece of sh-t (her words, not mine), then printed an apology to the readers saying that the paper was a mess because I didn't give her the time to lay it out correctly. Again, I should've just kicked her off the paper, but I gave her that power over me and let her beat me down. In the final paper, my now sister-in-law printed hororscopes and this girl edited them in this really strange way so that she had jokes written in between the blurbs (don't ask). I actually stood up to her (sort of) when I ripped out all of her "edits" and put my friend's work back in. But when the girl called, I didn't bother to speak with her. I ran and avoided.
Now you're probably wondering what this has to do with me being overweight, but I think it's a key factor. My fat protects me. It helps keep me from facing the world and my fears. As I said, though, things only seem to be getting worse. I'm finding that I'm more afraid than ever to stand up for myself and when the night is quiet and still, I lay awake worrying about all sorts of things that haven't happened yet: What if I die young? What if I die alone? What if we lose all of our money and end up homeless? What if someone I love dies? It makes me want to crawl under the blankets and stay there forever because sometimes facing the world is about the scariest thing ever. No wonder I've encased myself in a blanket of fat.
My good friend Lani has endured her share of troubles, but she's not afraid of anything (except spiders). She'll try anything new and even went sky diving last year. I don't know if I necessarily want to do that, but I wish I could live a little better and a lot more freely. I wish I can find a way to escape from myself.
I'm afraid of many of the normal things: bugs, heights, fire, flying, needles, but then I'm also frightened of many things that I'm sure are compromising my life.
For instance, my fear of not being liked is a huge one. I'm a classic people pleaser. I care way too much about what other people think and hate it when someone is angry with me or dislikes me. It doesn't even matter if I dislike the person; as long as he or she approves of me, I'm good.
That said, I'm terrified of confrontations, especially when I'm the one initiating them, because that means I'll be put into a position where I'm forced to say something uncomfortable and possibly upset the other person. Again, it doesn't matter if the other person is in the wrong; I'm just afraid that I'll either insult him or her or worse -- the person will come back to me with something even worse to say about me.
I remember back in college, I endured several situations that could've used a good confrontation or two. My freshman roommate was a thoughtless witch who'd have friends over at 3 a.m. or keep the radio on all night so she could study. She was two years ahead of me (but three years younger than me), so I usually let her get away with her behavior. She knew it and took advantage of me.
Then when I was a junior, I became the editor of our dorm's paper. All was going well until this really nasty girl decided to write for it. She was insufferable -- she offered to redesign the paper because she felt it looked like a piece of sh-t (her words, not mine), then printed an apology to the readers saying that the paper was a mess because I didn't give her the time to lay it out correctly. Again, I should've just kicked her off the paper, but I gave her that power over me and let her beat me down. In the final paper, my now sister-in-law printed hororscopes and this girl edited them in this really strange way so that she had jokes written in between the blurbs (don't ask). I actually stood up to her (sort of) when I ripped out all of her "edits" and put my friend's work back in. But when the girl called, I didn't bother to speak with her. I ran and avoided.
Now you're probably wondering what this has to do with me being overweight, but I think it's a key factor. My fat protects me. It helps keep me from facing the world and my fears. As I said, though, things only seem to be getting worse. I'm finding that I'm more afraid than ever to stand up for myself and when the night is quiet and still, I lay awake worrying about all sorts of things that haven't happened yet: What if I die young? What if I die alone? What if we lose all of our money and end up homeless? What if someone I love dies? It makes me want to crawl under the blankets and stay there forever because sometimes facing the world is about the scariest thing ever. No wonder I've encased myself in a blanket of fat.
My good friend Lani has endured her share of troubles, but she's not afraid of anything (except spiders). She'll try anything new and even went sky diving last year. I don't know if I necessarily want to do that, but I wish I could live a little better and a lot more freely. I wish I can find a way to escape from myself.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Mrs. Thighs Vs.The Chocolate
It's been almost two weeks and I've been going strong with this whole healthy living thing, but last night, I faced my toughest challenge yet: I had dinner at Max Brenner (http://www.maxbrenner.com/), a chocolate bar that's in New York City.
Those who know me can tell you that I'm a crazy chocoholic. I mean, I crave the stuff. I have at least one chocolate thing every day, but it's usually something low-fat, like a cup of diet hot cocoa or a Weight Watchers brownie (which are surprisingly good). In this case, though, I was surrounded by all different types of hot chocolates, chocolate cakes, chocolate fondues and even chocolate pizzas. Yum!
When my girlfriends first sent me the link to show me where we'd be meeting for dinner, I was going to kill them. Not only did the online menu have lists and lists of these delectable chocolate items and drinks, but they had huge pictures of the desserts! Huge, freakin', gorgeous photos of fudge cascading over brownies and whipped cream piled high over ice cream ... I'm not exaggerating when I say that I nearly cried.
However, I took a deep breath and clicked on the link to the dinner menu and discovered that the restaurant actually served real food. I then came up with a game plan: I decided to get the lemon herbed chicken with baby spinach and then share some fruit and chocolate fondue with everyone else for dessert.
I'm proud to say that I stuck with my plan.
The chicken was a little dry, but tasty, and it came with really well-prepared mashed potatoes and spinach. After eating about half of that, I was pretty full. Then for dessert, my friend and I shared a fondue, but we asked for extra fruits instead of cookies. The waiter, who was incredibly kind and helpful, happily obliged. I was tempted to get one of the chocolate martinis, but ordered a Diet Coke instead.
I didn't entirely stick with fruit -- I had a couple of marshmallows (the fondue comes with a little burner so you can roast them; how cute is that?!) and a piece of my friend's chocolate egg roll (which was served in a Chinese restaurant-style takeout box), but I didn't go crazy with the extras. Happily, the fruit chunks were enormous -- I seriously had to cut the strawberries into quarters. I only wished that they'd had a wider variety of fruits. They served the giant strawberries, bananas and pineapples, but some apples and kiwi slices would've worked well, too.
Anyway, when I left the restaurant, I felt full, but not stuffed. And when I awoke this morning, I didn't have that heavy "food hangover" feel that I'd sometimes get after a binge. Instead, I had a nice memory of having fun with my girlfriends in a funky restaurant. It was exactly the type of evening I always imagine that "normal" people have out -- they enjoy their meal, but aren't obsessed with the food, and appreciate the entire experience of being out for the evening.
I know that this was only one meal, but this shows me that I am capable of practicing moderation. Hopefully, I can keep it up for the long haul.
Those who know me can tell you that I'm a crazy chocoholic. I mean, I crave the stuff. I have at least one chocolate thing every day, but it's usually something low-fat, like a cup of diet hot cocoa or a Weight Watchers brownie (which are surprisingly good). In this case, though, I was surrounded by all different types of hot chocolates, chocolate cakes, chocolate fondues and even chocolate pizzas. Yum!
When my girlfriends first sent me the link to show me where we'd be meeting for dinner, I was going to kill them. Not only did the online menu have lists and lists of these delectable chocolate items and drinks, but they had huge pictures of the desserts! Huge, freakin', gorgeous photos of fudge cascading over brownies and whipped cream piled high over ice cream ... I'm not exaggerating when I say that I nearly cried.
However, I took a deep breath and clicked on the link to the dinner menu and discovered that the restaurant actually served real food. I then came up with a game plan: I decided to get the lemon herbed chicken with baby spinach and then share some fruit and chocolate fondue with everyone else for dessert.
I'm proud to say that I stuck with my plan.
The chicken was a little dry, but tasty, and it came with really well-prepared mashed potatoes and spinach. After eating about half of that, I was pretty full. Then for dessert, my friend and I shared a fondue, but we asked for extra fruits instead of cookies. The waiter, who was incredibly kind and helpful, happily obliged. I was tempted to get one of the chocolate martinis, but ordered a Diet Coke instead.
I didn't entirely stick with fruit -- I had a couple of marshmallows (the fondue comes with a little burner so you can roast them; how cute is that?!) and a piece of my friend's chocolate egg roll (which was served in a Chinese restaurant-style takeout box), but I didn't go crazy with the extras. Happily, the fruit chunks were enormous -- I seriously had to cut the strawberries into quarters. I only wished that they'd had a wider variety of fruits. They served the giant strawberries, bananas and pineapples, but some apples and kiwi slices would've worked well, too.
Anyway, when I left the restaurant, I felt full, but not stuffed. And when I awoke this morning, I didn't have that heavy "food hangover" feel that I'd sometimes get after a binge. Instead, I had a nice memory of having fun with my girlfriends in a funky restaurant. It was exactly the type of evening I always imagine that "normal" people have out -- they enjoy their meal, but aren't obsessed with the food, and appreciate the entire experience of being out for the evening.
I know that this was only one meal, but this shows me that I am capable of practicing moderation. Hopefully, I can keep it up for the long haul.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
A New Year, A New Me?
A quick warning to anyone who's come to this blog expecting a sexy site. It's not. This is a blog following the adventures of an extremely obese woman whose thighs resemble mighty sequoias and ripple like a bowl of lime Jell-O. (Mmmm... Jell-O). Not exactly a turn on, huh? So unless you're into that sort of thing (no judgment here) and are angling to star on the next edition of MORE TO LOVE, back away.
For the rest of you wondering who on earth "Mrs. Thighs" is, allow me to introduce myself. I'm a 35-year-old writer/musician, who's happily married, has an awesome cat, a good family (I even like my in-laws!) and terrific friends. Yet when it comes to losing weight and getting into shape, I just can't seem to get my act together. In fact, this is actually my second attempt at keeping a weight-loss blog. I briefly wrote one in the fall of 2008 shortly after my in-shape father had an unexpected heart attack, and managed to lose a few pounds. But then I did what I always seem to do and suddenly stopped ... and now I'm write (sorry for the pun; couldn't resist) back where I started.
I realize it's rather cliche to begin a new weight-loss plan at the start of the new year, but there's something to be said for the plethora of diet programs offering New Year's deals. I like the idea of it being a new year and a new decade to boot. Yeah, I realize that it's just another day and that hanging up a new calendar doesn't automatically make everything shiny and new (okay, so I'm overusing the adjective "new" here), but there IS a certain energy in the air, at least here in NYC, when the new year hits. And if I'm going to begin a different lifestyle (I'm hesistant to say "diet" because that means that there's an ending and this needs to be for life), I might as well do it when I'm well-rested from a lengthy holiday break.
Besides, I don't really have a choice anymore because things have gotten pretty bad for me, as far as my weight goes. Two years ago, I completed a 20-mile charity walk, but these days I can barely walk a block without having to stop because my back and legs ache. I always feel tired. My wedding rings are getting dangerously tight. My husband and I are going on a cruise with friends in about six weeks and I'm not nearly as excited as I should be because I'm afraid that I won't have enough stamina to participate in the many excursions they offer at port.
That said, my goals for now are modest and realistic. I want to lose enough weight in the next six weeks (ideally about 12 pounds, 2 lbs. per week, but I won't object to more!) so that I can walk more comfortably and be able to have a good time on this trip. I intend to do this by following Weight Watchers and by doing low-impact workouts three times a week.
I also plan to write in this blog often so that I can document my progress (or lack thereof).
But I need to do this if I have any hope of making it to 40. So let the games begin!
For the rest of you wondering who on earth "Mrs. Thighs" is, allow me to introduce myself. I'm a 35-year-old writer/musician, who's happily married, has an awesome cat, a good family (I even like my in-laws!) and terrific friends. Yet when it comes to losing weight and getting into shape, I just can't seem to get my act together. In fact, this is actually my second attempt at keeping a weight-loss blog. I briefly wrote one in the fall of 2008 shortly after my in-shape father had an unexpected heart attack, and managed to lose a few pounds. But then I did what I always seem to do and suddenly stopped ... and now I'm write (sorry for the pun; couldn't resist) back where I started.
I realize it's rather cliche to begin a new weight-loss plan at the start of the new year, but there's something to be said for the plethora of diet programs offering New Year's deals. I like the idea of it being a new year and a new decade to boot. Yeah, I realize that it's just another day and that hanging up a new calendar doesn't automatically make everything shiny and new (okay, so I'm overusing the adjective "new" here), but there IS a certain energy in the air, at least here in NYC, when the new year hits. And if I'm going to begin a different lifestyle (I'm hesistant to say "diet" because that means that there's an ending and this needs to be for life), I might as well do it when I'm well-rested from a lengthy holiday break.
Besides, I don't really have a choice anymore because things have gotten pretty bad for me, as far as my weight goes. Two years ago, I completed a 20-mile charity walk, but these days I can barely walk a block without having to stop because my back and legs ache. I always feel tired. My wedding rings are getting dangerously tight. My husband and I are going on a cruise with friends in about six weeks and I'm not nearly as excited as I should be because I'm afraid that I won't have enough stamina to participate in the many excursions they offer at port.
That said, my goals for now are modest and realistic. I want to lose enough weight in the next six weeks (ideally about 12 pounds, 2 lbs. per week, but I won't object to more!) so that I can walk more comfortably and be able to have a good time on this trip. I intend to do this by following Weight Watchers and by doing low-impact workouts three times a week.
I also plan to write in this blog often so that I can document my progress (or lack thereof).
But I need to do this if I have any hope of making it to 40. So let the games begin!
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