How can I tell that I'm losing weight? My skirt fell down around my ankles ... in the middle of my office!
I was walking down the corridor when, all of a sudden, I felt a little breeze and well, there was my skirt on the floor. Two women happened to be walking by just then and were like, "We didn't see anything." I quickly pulled it back up and laughed about it, but man, that was embarrasing. Thankfully, I was wearing a very long shirt, so I didn't expose too much. For the rest of the day, I held onto my skirt while I walked so it wouldn't slip again. I guess I should donate it to Good Will.
Still, out of all the problems to have, this isn't a bad one. I hope that more of my clothes will be falling off of me very soon -- though not in public, please.
Today, I met with the diabetes educator. She and my doctor want me to start yet another drug called Victroza. It's an injection and is supposed to aid with weight loss by making me less insulin resistant. Sounds intriguing, but the big side effect is nausea and lowered blood sugar. I can deal with the second; my doctor will just have to adjust my other meds to even things out. But I hate the idea of being nauseous for an extended amount of time. She suggested that I try it for a few days and see if I can tolerate it, so I'm going to begin when we return from our vacation next week. No sense in messing up our trip. If I can tolerate it, though, and the weight comes off, it'll be worth it.
Meantime, I've started training for the New Year's Walk. I'm trying to increase my speed, but ended up doing something weird to my foot. It feels like I pulled a muscle. I'm resting it tonight, but really hope it feels better by the weekend. It's supposed to be gorgeous outside and a friend is coming to visit. I figured that we could take a walk around the neighborhood and then go to the movies.
So that's my life in a nutshell at the moment. Things are good and I'm optimistic about the future.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Time For Some R N' R
For the past few weekends, I've been running, running, running. Between the jewelry show, various parties and charity walk, it's been non-stop activities. It's been a lot of fun, but tiring nevertheless.
This weekend, I finally got to relax -- and it was wonderful. We saw two movies (In Time and Paranormal Activity 3), I watched episodes of the series SWITCHED AT BIRTH online and we went for a nice walk today. I got some exercise, I got to hang out and spend some quality time with my hubby and I got to slow down for a while.
Next month is gearing up to be another crazy one, but I'm looking forward to it. The New Year's Midnight Run in Central Park is right around the corner, so I need to start training for that. It's only four miles, less than the diabetes walk, but I'd like to complete it in 80 minutes (doing 20 minute miles) and be able to do it without having to stop for breaks.
I still can't speed walk, but my pace is picking up. I'm also getting stronger. When we walked up the hill near our house today, I made it up to the top without stopping and it felt a lot less steep than before. It took me by surprise, but in a good way. I have two months to prepare for the Midnight Run so I should be able to achieve this goal. I just hope it doesn't snow that evening -- but that one is out of my control!
Meantime, I'm meeting with the diabetes educator this week. I'm interested to see how my weight is and if the thyroid meds are working. I feel like I've lost because my clothes are hanging on me, but I was way off the last time. I'd like to get a new scale, so if anyone reading has recommendations for scales that have a higher weight limit, I'm all ears.
I'm so happy that it's fall, especially after being so sick this summer. It's great to go out each weekend and enjoy the crisp air and sunshine, and falling leaves. I'm getting out and taking in the world and not letting life pass me by.
This weekend, I finally got to relax -- and it was wonderful. We saw two movies (In Time and Paranormal Activity 3), I watched episodes of the series SWITCHED AT BIRTH online and we went for a nice walk today. I got some exercise, I got to hang out and spend some quality time with my hubby and I got to slow down for a while.
Next month is gearing up to be another crazy one, but I'm looking forward to it. The New Year's Midnight Run in Central Park is right around the corner, so I need to start training for that. It's only four miles, less than the diabetes walk, but I'd like to complete it in 80 minutes (doing 20 minute miles) and be able to do it without having to stop for breaks.
I still can't speed walk, but my pace is picking up. I'm also getting stronger. When we walked up the hill near our house today, I made it up to the top without stopping and it felt a lot less steep than before. It took me by surprise, but in a good way. I have two months to prepare for the Midnight Run so I should be able to achieve this goal. I just hope it doesn't snow that evening -- but that one is out of my control!
Meantime, I'm meeting with the diabetes educator this week. I'm interested to see how my weight is and if the thyroid meds are working. I feel like I've lost because my clothes are hanging on me, but I was way off the last time. I'd like to get a new scale, so if anyone reading has recommendations for scales that have a higher weight limit, I'm all ears.
I'm so happy that it's fall, especially after being so sick this summer. It's great to go out each weekend and enjoy the crisp air and sunshine, and falling leaves. I'm getting out and taking in the world and not letting life pass me by.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thinner Body, Thicker Skin?
One of the internal things that I really need to work on is dealing with confrontations. I'm getting better, but most of the time I'm a complete wuss when it comes to handling sticky situations.
Take today at work, for example. I made a mistake on something. I miscommunicated when it came to getting across some information and told someone that something was OK when it wasn't. Now I have to go back and fix things. This isn't a huge mistake -- mind you -- it's more of an annoyance than anything, but the involved are going to rightfully be pissed off when I explain my blunder.
This shouldn't be a big deal, but I spent all day worrying about it and what I'd say. My stomach was tied in so many knots that I could barely eat lunch. I still don't have much of an appetite. And I still haven't corrected the issue because I was frozen with fear over facing the inevitable confrontation between myself and the person I'd wronged. I'm going to have to do it tomorrow because time is running out.
Anyway, the logical part of me knows that I'm making a bigger thing out of this than I ought to. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm usually on the ball when it comes to my job. The WORST that will likely happen is that the person will get huffy with me, chew me out a bit for screwing up and then let it go. But the emotional part of me just hates the idea of not being liked, of not being perfect, of being perceived as "bad."
I'm trying to get to the root of WHY I'm so sensitive about this sort of thing, why I so hate the idea of someone being angry with me. It's weird because I can take constructive criticism fine; when I was shopping a novel, I got over 100 rejection letters, but I was OK with that. I guess it's the idea of it being personal, of it being a measure of my character that gets to me.
This post may seem like it's not weight related, but in a way I think it is because disliking myself was a big part of what led to my eating disorders. These days, I'm pretty happy with myself and my life, but it's hard to break a habit -- like berating myself for not being perfect. I still do it from time to time, only I no longer starve myself or binge to gain control and avert my feelings.
The good news is that I didn't use food to comfort myself. I talked to friends, confided in my cubicle mate and am now blogging. It's actually kind of interesting that I LOST my appetite from the stress -- that's a new one for me! But I know that tomorrow I have to face the music and that the person will be upset with me. It won't mean that I'm a bad person and that she hates me; it will mean that she's temporarily annoyed and I will learn from my mistake.
I hope that as I become more confident with my body and feel like I can take on more challenges that my mind will follow. Being a wimp will only get me so far!
Take today at work, for example. I made a mistake on something. I miscommunicated when it came to getting across some information and told someone that something was OK when it wasn't. Now I have to go back and fix things. This isn't a huge mistake -- mind you -- it's more of an annoyance than anything, but the involved are going to rightfully be pissed off when I explain my blunder.
This shouldn't be a big deal, but I spent all day worrying about it and what I'd say. My stomach was tied in so many knots that I could barely eat lunch. I still don't have much of an appetite. And I still haven't corrected the issue because I was frozen with fear over facing the inevitable confrontation between myself and the person I'd wronged. I'm going to have to do it tomorrow because time is running out.
Anyway, the logical part of me knows that I'm making a bigger thing out of this than I ought to. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm usually on the ball when it comes to my job. The WORST that will likely happen is that the person will get huffy with me, chew me out a bit for screwing up and then let it go. But the emotional part of me just hates the idea of not being liked, of not being perfect, of being perceived as "bad."
I'm trying to get to the root of WHY I'm so sensitive about this sort of thing, why I so hate the idea of someone being angry with me. It's weird because I can take constructive criticism fine; when I was shopping a novel, I got over 100 rejection letters, but I was OK with that. I guess it's the idea of it being personal, of it being a measure of my character that gets to me.
This post may seem like it's not weight related, but in a way I think it is because disliking myself was a big part of what led to my eating disorders. These days, I'm pretty happy with myself and my life, but it's hard to break a habit -- like berating myself for not being perfect. I still do it from time to time, only I no longer starve myself or binge to gain control and avert my feelings.
The good news is that I didn't use food to comfort myself. I talked to friends, confided in my cubicle mate and am now blogging. It's actually kind of interesting that I LOST my appetite from the stress -- that's a new one for me! But I know that tomorrow I have to face the music and that the person will be upset with me. It won't mean that I'm a bad person and that she hates me; it will mean that she's temporarily annoyed and I will learn from my mistake.
I hope that as I become more confident with my body and feel like I can take on more challenges that my mind will follow. Being a wimp will only get me so far!
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Day After
The walk ended more than 24 hours ago, but man, my legs are stiff! This morning, my ankle was throbbing as I hobbled down the block to the bus stop. It doesn't hurt anymore, but I still feel as if I'm 80 years old when I heave myself out of a chair.
It's all good, though. Hurting because I can barely move my fat ass down the street sucks. Hurting because I completed something physical that benefits a great cause is totally worth it.
Meantime, I'm finding that my tastes are changing drastically. I haven't given up carbs, but I eat fewer of them and am much more mindful of the type I eat. In other words, I no longer have white bread, white potatoes or white rice; instead, I have whole wheat or brown rice.
Anyway, while I still have bread or bread-like products like corn tortillas, I'm not craving them as much. Yesterday for instance, I treated myself to Uno's veggie pizza made on a five-grain crust. I haven't had pizza in months, so I was really looking forward to it. But it was just meh. I could take it or leave it; it wasn't like, "Oh, pizza, how I've missed you!" Tonight, I ordered chicken enchiladas in corn tortillas ... but I ended up eating just the chicken and leaving over the shells.
It's amazing how we can train our bodies to do things -- to walk further than we ever anticipated, to completely overhaul our eating habits, to function more efficiently, both mentally and physically. The beauty of being human is that in many cases, you can change those things about yourself that you want to improve; you can always start over. I've been given many chances to turn things around and am grateful that I'm getting yet another.
It's all good, though. Hurting because I can barely move my fat ass down the street sucks. Hurting because I completed something physical that benefits a great cause is totally worth it.
Meantime, I'm finding that my tastes are changing drastically. I haven't given up carbs, but I eat fewer of them and am much more mindful of the type I eat. In other words, I no longer have white bread, white potatoes or white rice; instead, I have whole wheat or brown rice.
Anyway, while I still have bread or bread-like products like corn tortillas, I'm not craving them as much. Yesterday for instance, I treated myself to Uno's veggie pizza made on a five-grain crust. I haven't had pizza in months, so I was really looking forward to it. But it was just meh. I could take it or leave it; it wasn't like, "Oh, pizza, how I've missed you!" Tonight, I ordered chicken enchiladas in corn tortillas ... but I ended up eating just the chicken and leaving over the shells.
It's amazing how we can train our bodies to do things -- to walk further than we ever anticipated, to completely overhaul our eating habits, to function more efficiently, both mentally and physically. The beauty of being human is that in many cases, you can change those things about yourself that you want to improve; you can always start over. I've been given many chances to turn things around and am grateful that I'm getting yet another.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Outside Interests
I've been very open about my struggles with weight loss, a broken ankle and diabetes, but once in a while I like to add a fun post. In this case, I feel like showing off a little and discussing some of my outside interests. For me, this journey involving my health doesn't only concern me losing weight. It's about me becoming a more compassionate, well-rounded person in general and part of that is finding things to keep me happy outside of food.
For the past year, I've been finding more of those things. I've made a point to take on projects and challenge myself. I'm definitely a lot happier when I do such things and am less inclined to binge to fill a hole.
Anyway, here are some photos and links to my life outside of weight loss:
My online jewelry store on Etsy
Pics of some of my jewelry:
Songs from my album FLUTE PATH
For the past year, I've been finding more of those things. I've made a point to take on projects and challenge myself. I'm definitely a lot happier when I do such things and am less inclined to binge to fill a hole.
Anyway, here are some photos and links to my life outside of weight loss:
My online jewelry store on Etsy
Pics of some of my jewelry:
Songs from my album FLUTE PATH
Step Out Walk For Diabetes
Today was the 5-mile Step Out Walk for diabetes. It went really well. I trained so much for the event, but I never feel quite ready the day before I do any of these walks. Still, once we got to South Street Seaport, I was ready to go and I maintained that energy all through the walk. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and I loved taking in the view as we marched over th Brooklyn Bridge.
I've done walks for suicide prevention, the March Of Dimes, leukemia, autism, but this time, I was doing a walk for something that affects me so I had even more motivation to complete it. Plus, this was the most I've walked since I had my ankle surgery, so I felt as if I were beating two health issues.
Over 3000 people participated, which was great, especially since so much money was raised for the American Diabetes Association. There were people of every type there: kids, babies, elderly, even two guys who did the entire walk on stilts! The atmosphere was festive at Pier 17 and everyone was dancing as a live band played.
Still, there were reminders of how deadly diabetes can be and that hit home for me. There were several teams walking in honor of a loved one who'd died from the disease. There was one guy who was blind and had obviously lost his sight from diabetes. There were several people in wheelchairs or who were limping because diabetes had robbed them of their ability to walk. Scary stuff. I admired these people for going ahead with a major walk and at the same time was thankful that I'm in decent health -- for now, anyway.
I really need to keep my health intact now; that's the trick. Between the diabetes and my thyroid issues, I feel like I'm juggling six balls in the air, but my blood sugar, liver, vision, legs and heart are all in good shape (knock on wood). Walking today in the bright sunshine reinfornced for me how fortunate I am to be healthy when just months ago, I was steps away from being in the hospital.
That said, I'm already thinking about the future and what I'm going to do to stay well and stay steps ahead of my disease. Eating is going very well. I'm still enjoying a lot of vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Today' menu was a little odd because I had three power bars during the walk, but that was necessary to give me energy. The rest of the time, though, I've been staying away from treats and have been having yogurt for dessert.
I'd also like to continue walking. I have a bad habit of doing a big walk and then slacking off, but I won't do that this time. I'm already looking into the next walk and am planning ahead for the spring. We have a big wedding coming up in Nigeria, believe it or not, so I want to be in good shape for traveling to such an exotic place.
But today was a great way to get going! I'm proud of the work I've done since getting diagnosed, and was happy to celebrate in such a positive environment.
I've done walks for suicide prevention, the March Of Dimes, leukemia, autism, but this time, I was doing a walk for something that affects me so I had even more motivation to complete it. Plus, this was the most I've walked since I had my ankle surgery, so I felt as if I were beating two health issues.
Over 3000 people participated, which was great, especially since so much money was raised for the American Diabetes Association. There were people of every type there: kids, babies, elderly, even two guys who did the entire walk on stilts! The atmosphere was festive at Pier 17 and everyone was dancing as a live band played.
Still, there were reminders of how deadly diabetes can be and that hit home for me. There were several teams walking in honor of a loved one who'd died from the disease. There was one guy who was blind and had obviously lost his sight from diabetes. There were several people in wheelchairs or who were limping because diabetes had robbed them of their ability to walk. Scary stuff. I admired these people for going ahead with a major walk and at the same time was thankful that I'm in decent health -- for now, anyway.
I really need to keep my health intact now; that's the trick. Between the diabetes and my thyroid issues, I feel like I'm juggling six balls in the air, but my blood sugar, liver, vision, legs and heart are all in good shape (knock on wood). Walking today in the bright sunshine reinfornced for me how fortunate I am to be healthy when just months ago, I was steps away from being in the hospital.
That said, I'm already thinking about the future and what I'm going to do to stay well and stay steps ahead of my disease. Eating is going very well. I'm still enjoying a lot of vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Today' menu was a little odd because I had three power bars during the walk, but that was necessary to give me energy. The rest of the time, though, I've been staying away from treats and have been having yogurt for dessert.
I'd also like to continue walking. I have a bad habit of doing a big walk and then slacking off, but I won't do that this time. I'm already looking into the next walk and am planning ahead for the spring. We have a big wedding coming up in Nigeria, believe it or not, so I want to be in good shape for traveling to such an exotic place.
But today was a great way to get going! I'm proud of the work I've done since getting diagnosed, and was happy to celebrate in such a positive environment.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Something Very Personal
Today I feel like writing about something very personal and perhaps a little controversial: babies.
As of now, I don't really want children. I LIKE children. But I just don't feel my biological clock ticking or whatever other maternal urges most women have. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have so many things going on with my body anyway. Right now, I can't have a baby, anyway, so maybe I'm unconsciously blocking out the idea. I do know that having kids is a HUGE responsibility. I have so much respect for my friends who are moms because they have to sacrifice so much. You have to be ready to do that and with my health issues, I don't think I can give all that a kid needs. That would be unfair to the hypothetical child.
I'm fortunate because everyone in my life has supported me. My husband is understanding and my parents and in-laws haven't bugged us about grandchildren, which I really appreciate.
Still, whenever I find out that a friend is pregnant -- as I did today -- I have mixed feelings. 99 percent of me is soooo happy for the parents-to-be! It's great news and so exciting, and I enjoy hanging out with my friends' kids. I want the best for my friends and if having kids is it for them, then I'm right there supporting them.
However, part of me also feels a little sad. There is the realization that I won't see my friend as much and that our relationship will change. I also start to question myself, wonder why I don't feel maternal and why I didn't so more to improve my weight and health earlier. I also worry about dying alone and not having any family later on in life. I worry about disappointing my husband.
I know a lot of couples who are childless and happy and most of the time, I am, too. When I think about whether I want kids *right now*, my honest, honest answer is no. If we decide to adopt or use a surrogate later on, there are other options, but at this point in time, I'm not ready for the responsibiity. I'm just trying to "own" it and not let my other friends' decisions dictate my on life. I've been guilty of this before; I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others and wondering if I'm "normal" just because I have a different opinion or way of doing things. But really what is normal? I need to remind myself that I have plenty going on in my life that is good. My friends won't think less of me if I choose to not do exactly what they're doing, and even if they do -- so what? I can't have a kid just to fit in. That would be so unfair to everyone involved!
I realize this post is kind of rambling and doesn't have much to do with weight loss, but I sometimes need to sort out my feelings. Again, I'm justifying myself to you readers, but this is *my* blog.
I'm looking forward to eventually meeting my friend's little one when he or she is born. Meantime, I'm going to continue doing things that make me happy and keep me healthy.
As of now, I don't really want children. I LIKE children. But I just don't feel my biological clock ticking or whatever other maternal urges most women have. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have so many things going on with my body anyway. Right now, I can't have a baby, anyway, so maybe I'm unconsciously blocking out the idea. I do know that having kids is a HUGE responsibility. I have so much respect for my friends who are moms because they have to sacrifice so much. You have to be ready to do that and with my health issues, I don't think I can give all that a kid needs. That would be unfair to the hypothetical child.
I'm fortunate because everyone in my life has supported me. My husband is understanding and my parents and in-laws haven't bugged us about grandchildren, which I really appreciate.
Still, whenever I find out that a friend is pregnant -- as I did today -- I have mixed feelings. 99 percent of me is soooo happy for the parents-to-be! It's great news and so exciting, and I enjoy hanging out with my friends' kids. I want the best for my friends and if having kids is it for them, then I'm right there supporting them.
However, part of me also feels a little sad. There is the realization that I won't see my friend as much and that our relationship will change. I also start to question myself, wonder why I don't feel maternal and why I didn't so more to improve my weight and health earlier. I also worry about dying alone and not having any family later on in life. I worry about disappointing my husband.
I know a lot of couples who are childless and happy and most of the time, I am, too. When I think about whether I want kids *right now*, my honest, honest answer is no. If we decide to adopt or use a surrogate later on, there are other options, but at this point in time, I'm not ready for the responsibiity. I'm just trying to "own" it and not let my other friends' decisions dictate my on life. I've been guilty of this before; I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others and wondering if I'm "normal" just because I have a different opinion or way of doing things. But really what is normal? I need to remind myself that I have plenty going on in my life that is good. My friends won't think less of me if I choose to not do exactly what they're doing, and even if they do -- so what? I can't have a kid just to fit in. That would be so unfair to everyone involved!
I realize this post is kind of rambling and doesn't have much to do with weight loss, but I sometimes need to sort out my feelings. Again, I'm justifying myself to you readers, but this is *my* blog.
I'm looking forward to eventually meeting my friend's little one when he or she is born. Meantime, I'm going to continue doing things that make me happy and keep me healthy.
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