Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Following My Heart

A big part of my weight loss journey is not just about getting healthier physically, but about getting healthier mentally, as well. That said, I've been trying to stand up for myself more at work and in other areas of my life. I did just that today when I decided to not go ahead with a situation that was making me very uncomfortable.

Back when I broke my leg, everyone expected me to sue the city for my accident. I was never fully on board with this idea, but everyone was like, "Oh, I'd do it if I were you!" and so I went ahead with filing a suit. My heart wasn't in it, but I listened to what everyone else was telling me. The thing is, I just didn't feel like I had a case, at least not a case worth what we were going to ask. Yes, breaking my leg sucked and the bus should've pulled up to the curb. But I can't say I "suffered." I hated having my bone popped in and getting surgery, but beyond that, I spent most of my time watching sitcoms on my laptop, writing and hanging out with friends. Not the worst way to spend a few months off! I was lucky because I didn't lose that much money from work and insurance covered most of the medical costs. So while I did experience some discomfort and inconveniences, saying that I suffered is definitely pushing it.

Still, I set up appointments with a lawyer and he arranged for some hearings. Then he called me yesterday ... and wanted me to lie about some of the facts so I'd have a more viable case. I just couldn't do it. Getting some extra money would be nice, but not at the expense of losing some of my dignity. I'd rather put the energy into my jewelry business and make some extra cash that way.

After I gave up my case, I felt like the weight of the world was off of my shoulders. In the past I would've celebrated with some chocolate, but instead I treated myself to a lunch of spinach, brussel sprouts and sweet potatoes. Weird, huh? I'm actually starting to crave vegetables. I've been sleeping better, too. I don't know if it has anything to do with me putting healthier food into my body, but it wouldn't surprise me.

My birthday is in two days (Thursday, Feb 3) and I don't know if I'll make it to my goal of 10 pounds lost. But I've definitely lost something and can feel a difference when I walk and move. It's not enough yet so that anyone would notice, but I'm noticing and that's ultimately what counts.

My next goal doesn't have to do with numbers on a scale, but more with losing inches. I purchased this adorable cashmere sweater that was on sale and is a bit too tight. I'd like to be able to fit into it by the end of February. So whether I get there by losing weight or tighening up with the BowFlex or both doesn't matter; it's a nice, realistic goal to shoot for --and I'll be giving myself a belated birthday present.

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