What Dreams May Come

When it comes to weight loss, a lot of people have this idea that they will be happy if they only lose X amount of pounds. Being thin will finally give them a chance to find love, wealth, power, the secret to life.

Having already been thin for a good portion of my life, I know that this won't be the case when I lose the weight; I'll still be basically the same person who I am now, and may even have some different problems. But when you're slimmer, you do have some more freedom, at least when dealing with the movement of your body. That said, I have a list of some things that I'm really looking forward to doing when I'm a smaller size.

1. Shop in regular stores. I'm fortunate because we live in an era where it's easy to find fashionable plus-sized clothing, but I'd love to have a larger choice of places to shop. I used to love shopping and always feel a opang whenever I see a dress I like in a window -- and know that it wouldn't even fit on my thigh. I can't wait until I can wear whatever I want and can finally purchase some really stylish stuff.

2. Go scuba diving. I've always wanted to try this, but am embarrassed at the idea of having to squeeze into one of those tight wet suits with my huge belly sticking out. A couple of years ago, we went to see manatees swimming in Florida and I couldn't swim with them because the wet suit wouldn't fit (and the water was freezing, so we needed them). Jon got to be in the water with them and I missed out. Come to think of it, I'd love to return to that spot and swim with manatees, too.

3. Scale a glacier. When we were in New Zealand, I wanted to climb a glacier, but even though I was in decent shape at the time, I was still very overweight and the guide didn't think I was up to doing it. I'd love to be fit enough to try this, either in NZ or somewhere else.

4. Eat a Japanese meal in the traditional style. This would mean sitting on floor mats, which I can't do right now because of my back and circulation problems. Actually, I'd love to be able to sit on the ground for an extended time, period. Then I can enjoy picnics and beach visits and not have to worry about finding a chair or bench.

5. Feel comfortable with going nude in public. No, I'm not planning to be a streaker or anything, but I wish I could feel comfortable enough to enjoy some of the naked treatments at the spa. We have a really nice spa near us and I wanted to try one of the hot tubs, but you had to be nude in order to enter this particular one. I skipped it, but felt a twinge of envy for those women who were comfortable enough to shed their T-shirts and shorts and jump into the water. I'd love to get to that point.

6. Go on a zipline tour. I'm not a thrill junkie, but these always seemed like they could be fun ... that is, if you're not afraid of the cable breaking from your weight.

7. Go parasailing. Same deal. Seems like fun if you're not so heavy that you break the apparatus.

8. Go caving and tubing. Again, when we were in NZ, you could take this cool tour where you ride tubes through caves and then scale the cave walls. It sounded so fascinating, but I just wasn't in shape for this sort of adventure.

Truthfully, I don't know how many of these things I'd really do if I were thin because I am kind of a fraidy cat about roller coasters and sky diving and basically anything where I could potentially get hurt. But I like the idea of having OPTIONS, which you just don't have as many of when you're overweight. I have done a lot of interesting things like travel and play with a band at a club, but I'd love to have the opportunity to do even more interesting stuff and really live. There have been so many times when we've been on a trip and Jon has done something cool that I've missed out on because of my weight or lack of physical fitness. Now that I've been off my feet for a few months, I want to get that back more than ever -- and not waste any more time watching everyone else have the fun.